Have fewer reasons for Self Talk

Having less "on your mind"

If you've been to identify the negative self talk
topics, and have been keeping
your Boxes up-to-date, it's likely that you will be noticing that your
negative self talk is already less intrusive.

Your next step is to make things more manageable by dividing your Boxes
into two lists:

1. Action Items: Items about which you can take some form of action
right away.
2. Attitude Items: Everything else. In other words things about which
you cannot take action on ­ or at least cannot do so in the immediate
future. These require a change in how you think about them, hence
"Attitude Items".

This article is about the Action Items.

Procrastinating!

Look at your Action Items. You'll notice that they each require you to
do something… yet you haven't done this! You've been procrastinating:
avoiding, ignoring, delaying and so on. Nevertheless the topics still
play on your mind, even if only in the background, quietly eating away
at your happiness, your peace of mind, and even your vitality.

We procrastinate because we don't have a clear plan or are not motivated
enough ­ or have neither a plan nor motivation.

Mini Action Plans

Not having a clear plan is often the main reason for procrastinating.
For example, let's say you've been putting off painting a door for some
time. You've become quite expert at 'not thinking about it' yet every
time you look at that door you feel uneasy, embarrassed or guilty. And,
of course, the longer you put it off the more daunting and difficult the
task appears to become.

Well… now let's see just what the action steps are in this, by now
onerous, task…

1. Decide on the colour and the number of coats of paint the door
requires (Time required 10 minutes)
2. Decide if the surface needs to be sanded or primed (1 min)
3. Estimate how long the task will take and set aside that time/day (5
mins.)
4. Locate or purchase the materials (60 mins.)
5. Do the job on the designated day (120 mins.)

So the project you've been putting off for so long can be reduced to
just 5 steps and less than 3 ½ hours!

The effect of having a clear plan of action

Now take a moment to consider the difference that having a mini action
plan such as this can make.

Before making the plan, you had "that painting job" as a fuzzy idea in
your mind. A thought that you didn't want to think about, let alone do
something about. Now you have five distinct and clear steps, each of
which can be dealt with separately. You've broken it down into
bite-sized and manageable chunks. It's no longer daunting!

Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons why the NLP Outcome
Technique, which we explore in our NLP Core Skills course, is so
powerful ­ it reduces seemingly daunting tasks into manageable chunks.
Most items on your procrastination list won't need the full NLP Outcome
Technique ­ just the mini action plans ­ however, it would be good to
use it on any major items on your list. There is an article here NLP
OUTCOMES which, while not the same as learning it 'live', would be worth
following.

Action plans for your Action Items

Now go through your own list of Action Items and create a similar mini
action plan for each. It is quite important to actually *write* each
action plan. Trying to mentally keep track of them will simply increase
your negative self talk - defeating the object of the exercise!

Next sort your Action Items into the order in which you will actually
deal with them. Many people find it useful to get the little tasks out
of the way first since they each take less time and you can, therefore,
quite quickly reduce the size of your list ­ and have a lot less to self
talk about.

Next set aside a date and time in your diary/calendar for the first few
of these. And, finally, begin immediately by taking action on one or two
little items ­ just to build a momentum for taking action and reducing
the need for negative self talk!

© 2007 Reg Connolly -

Should You Have Written Goals?

Over the years, I've written a great deal about setting and
achieving goals. The consensus seems to be that high
achievers 'always' have a clear set of written goals, but I
don't happen to think that's true, and it may surprise you
that I don't believe setting goals is always a good thing.

Make no mistake, in most cases setting goals IS a good
thing. I have a variety of personal goals and I review them
frequently, discuss them with my wife, my coach and my
advisors, and I re-affirm them every morning. In general,
I believe most people will benefit from thoughtfully
selecting a handful of important goals, writing them down,
and going after them.

Here are the major advantages of written goals:

1. They force us to choose. Too often, we want too many
things and scatter our time and attention among all of
them. Selecting a small number of specific goals helps set
your priorities.

2. They focus our efforts. By defining exactly what you
are going to achieve and writing it down, vague desires or
wishes become concrete action plans.

3. Goals attract allies. When people know where we are
going, it's easier for them to help us. There is great
synergy, power and enthusiasm in a shared goal.

Most people, most of the time, will benefit from carefully
defining their goals, writing them down, developing an
action plan and following through.

There are, however, risks to setting goals and for some
people, setting goals can be a dangerous thing. Here are
the major weaknesses of written goals:

1. By focusing our attention on the future, goals can rob
us of the present. Some people get so caught up in their
vision, that they forget to 'smell the roses' each day.
John Lennon observed that 'life is what happens while you
are making other plans.' Don't let your dreams get in the
way of celebrating the present. Live each day and be
grateful.

2. Goals can prevent us from seeing even bigger, easier or
more vital opportunities. Like blinders on a horse, we can
become fixated on our goals and miss opportunities all
around us. Some people are so determined, so ambitious and
so disciplined that they forget to consider the alternatives.

3. Goals can become excuses. Some people set exciting
goals, then use their future achievements as an excuse to
avoid doing what they can and should do today. I've seen
teenagers so caught up the dream of becoming a 'rock star'
that they forget to study. Some adults fall into a similar trap.

Should you have written goals? Almost certainly. Carefully
selected, well-defined goals are the path to achievement,
fulfillment and satisfaction. But some areas of life should
not be 'goal oriented'. When it comes to personal integrity,
or spending time with loved ones, or celebrating the
miracles of daily life, these are not 'goals', they are
simply choices.

Have written goals, but never confuse your future
achievements with real life! Real life happens today. It
happens with the people around you, it happens right here,
right now. Ready or not, this is your life, and it is meant
to be lived to the full. Use goals; live life. Never
confuse the two.

Philip Humbert

The Quest for Total Happiness

I've been thinking about happiness. Specifically, I've been pondering
the keys to total
happiness and thinking about a wonderful book by the Dalai
Lama, 'The Art of Happiness'.

The Dalai Lama argues that, fundamentally, we all seek more
and greater happiness in our lives and that one of the
great questions in life is, 'What makes my life totally
fulfilled and totally happy?'

For many people, happiness is related to money, and
happiness means accumulating wealth. For them, money has
great value and they are motivated to work hard and
smarter, and to use money in ways that make them happy.
But there are thousands of individual differences in how
that works. Some make money and give it all away. Some make
money and hoard it, even burying it in the backyard, while
others invest it, and still others make a show of
displaying a wealth of possessions.

For others, happiness has little to do with money, and they
seek fulfillment in their creativity, or they find ultimate
happiness in family relationships, or by serving others.
There are many paths up the mountain called 'happiness'!

One of the most important distinctions the Dalai Lama makes
is between happiness and pleasure. We can all think of
experiences that bring us delightful pleasure but which
utterly fail to make us 'happy' in life. Almost everyone
enjoys a fine meal, perhaps with good wine, but we all
reject a life of gluttony and drunkenness.

So the question: What makes you truly happy?

This is a central question for the World Class Life
Conference next month, because in order to have a GREAT
life, we must first determine what it might look like. What
are the key pieces of a great and joyful life FOR YOU?

Almost 150 years ago, Henry Thoreau wrote that most people
'live lives of quiet desperation', and sadly, I think
that's still true. All our wealth and freedom, our
education and military power, even our access to the wisdom
and literature of past generations has not created a
society in which most people are 'happy'. Indeed, many
people seem to be incredibly unhappy. With all this freedom
to choose our destiny and create the life we truly want,
why aren't more people happy?

I think this is a vital question. It may even be THE
question for modern adults to ponder and answer. Given that
you can live almost anywhere you choose, read and learn
almost any skill, and have pretty much any reasonable
lifestyle you want, WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

What are your happiest memories? What are your happiest
fantasies, dreams and aspirations? Who do you know who
seems to be truly, massively happy?

What makes YOU happy? At the end of life, what will allow
you to say, 'I did it right. I made good choices. I am
HAPPY with the way I lived my life!' Whatever your answer,
in the coming days and weeks, do more of it, and do less of
everything else.

Philip Humbert

Using Your Inner Guidance SystemUsing Your Inner Guidance System

You have incredible powers of mind and emotions
that give you timely and accurate feedback in every area of your life.

In this newsletter, you learn how to "tune in" to
yourself so you can make the right decision in every situation.

Using Your Inner Guidance System
We know that the body has a natural bias toward
health and energy. It's designed to last for 100
years with proper care and maintenance. When
something goes wrong with any part of our body,
we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.

We know that when our body is not functioning
smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and
we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor;
we take pills; we undergo physical therapy,
massage or chiropractic. We know that if we
ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time,
it could lead to something more serious.

How to Tell Right From Wrong
In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to
tell emotionally what's right for us and what's
wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us
physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing
things in the physical realm, nature gives us
emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not
doing things in the emotional or mental realm.
The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so
that if you simply listen carefully to
yourself­to your mind, your body and your
emotions­and follow the guidance you're given,
you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

Just as the natural physical state of your body
is health and vitality, your natural emotional
state is peace and happiness. Whenever you
experience a deviation from peace and happiness,
it's an indication that something is amiss.
Something is wrong with what you're thinking,
doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness
is the best indicator you could ever have to tell
you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.

The Messenger
Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your
body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that
what you're doing is wrong for you.

Very often, you'll suffer from what has been
called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety
and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are
unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the
status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep.
Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very
often, you'll get upset with things that have
nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a
deep inner sense that something isn't as it
should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a
hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.

Divine Discontent
And that is a good thing. Divine discontent
always comes before a positive life change. If
you were perfectly satisfied, you would never
take any action to improve or change your
circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for
some reason do you have the inner motivation to
engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.

Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go
with the flow of your own personality. Do the
things that make you feel happy inside and you'll
probably never make another mistake.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, listen to yourself and trust your own
feelings. If there is a part of your life that
causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.

Second, identify those areas of your life where
you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any
reason. What changes should you, could you make?

Third, remember that nature wants you to be
happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any
deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.

Author: Brian Tracy

Quotes of the Week

"You are what you think about all day long."
-- Dr. Robert Schuller

"Once you know that what you think about expands, you start
getting real careful about what you think about."
-- Wayne Dyer

"The way we live our days, is the way we live our lives."
-- Annie Dillard

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a
big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can
make which, over time, add up to big differences that we
often cannot foresee."
-- Marian Wright Edelman

Tools for The Mind(tm)

Recently, I saw a new set of new, high-tech cookware
hanging in the kitchen and made the mistake of asking how
much it cost. Mary lovingly reminded me that I never scrimp
on the cost of woodworking tools, or new computers, or a
new golf club. Her point is well taken. Investing in the
right tool for the job is always a good idea! When it comes
to our tools, we want the best.

Except. when it comes to tools for the mind.

Whether it's audio programs or books, or classes or
coaching, as a society too often we "can't afford it". How
many of us will invest in a new laptop, a vacation or new
barbeque grill (I recently bought one) but then look at the
cost of a book and convince ourselves that we can't afford
it, and if we bought it, we "wouldn't have time" to read
it?

We all know that we live in the "information age" and that
continuous learning is the key to the future, and yet as a
practical matter, we are "too busy".

I recently talked with a colleague who coaches real estate
brokers and she noted that her most productive clients
"constantly" listen to audio programs. She noted that "if a
person will not (listen to tapes), I don't think they are
coachable. Listening to tapes is the LEAST they can do to
increase their income potential. If they won't do that, I
won't coach them."

I agree.

We all have areas where we MUST improve our performance.
Whether the challenge is in our careers, our families, our
fitness, communication skills or a hobby, staying where we
are is no longer an option. The world is moving too quickly
and changing too fast. We must improve our skills on a
daily basis.

Fortunately, this is not difficult. What's difficult is
finding time to DO more stuff, but I am not talking about
that. In fact, my point is that we should be doing LESS,
but doing it better, smarter and with more joy. Too often,
we confuse activity with productivity, and they are NOT the
same thing!

There is a old story that one of Henry Ford's early
production lines broke down and after his staff had tried
everything they could think of to fix it, he called a
specialist, who found the problem and fixed it in a few
minutes. Later, he sent Ford a bill for $10,000, which was
a fortune at that time.

Ford refused to pay it, claiming it was far too much for
ten minute's work, so the specialist revised his bill to
read, "Repairs, $10. Knowing HOW to do the repair, $9,990."
Ford quickly paid the bill.

Knowing what to do, when and how to do it, pays off!

One of the great ironies of our age is that for the first
time in history, survival is rarely a question. We have
food, clothing and shelter in abundance and are free to
spend our time pursuing other things. The question becomes,
what will you do with your one and only, marvelous life?
Will you collect things, or memories? Will you pursue more
and better "stuff", or a better life?

In Thomas Leonard's memorable phrase, the choice is between
creating a life or building a lifestyle.

Author: Philip Humbert

Using Your Inner Guidance System

We know that the body has a natural bias toward
health and energy. It's designed to last for 100
years with proper care and maintenance. When
something goes wrong with any part of our body,
we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.

We know that when our body is not functioning
smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and
we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor;
we take pills; we undergo physical therapy,
massage or chiropractic. We know that if we
ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time,
it could lead to something more serious.

I hope you are as excited as I am about the
possibilities of superfast reading with
PhotoReading. If you haven't ordered, please do
today. This is the best way to get through the
top business books of today such as
"Freakonomics," "Good to Great," "The Tipping
Point," "Blink," "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," and of
course, my books "The Power of Charm" and "Focal
Point"… which you probably bought but haven't read!!

With PhotoReading you learn how to process and
understand any book at least three times faster
than you can now… handle incoming mail and email
swiftly and promptly… make informed decisions
with every piece of printed material… be more
relaxed and confident when reading… gain more
pleasure from pleasure reading. This is something
you will even want to share with your entire family.

How to Tell Right From Wrong
In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to
tell emotionally what's right for us and what's
wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us
physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing
things in the physical realm, nature gives us
emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not
doing things in the emotional or mental realm.
The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so
that if you simply listen carefully to
yourself­to your mind, your body and your
emotions­and follow the guidance you're given,
you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

Just as the natural physical state of your body
is health and vitality, your natural emotional
state is peace and happiness. Whenever you
experience a deviation from peace and happiness,
it's an indication that something is amiss.
Something is wrong with what you're thinking,
doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness
is the best indicator you could ever have to tell
you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.

The Messenger
Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your
body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that
what you're doing is wrong for you.

Very often, you'll suffer from what has been
called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety
and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are
unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the
status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep.
Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very
often, you'll get upset with things that have
nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a
deep inner sense that something isn't as it
should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a
hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.

Divine Discontent
And that is a good thing. Divine discontent
always comes before a positive life change. If
you were perfectly satisfied, you would never
take any action to improve or change your
circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for
some reason do you have the inner motivation to
engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.

Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go
with the flow of your own personality. Do the
things that make you feel happy inside and you'll
probably never make another mistake.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, listen to yourself and trust your own
feelings. If there is a part of your life that
causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.

Second, identify those areas of your life where
you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any
reason. What changes should you, could you make?

Third, remember that nature wants you to be
happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any
deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.

By: Brian Tracy