Seduce: Six Sure-Fire Steps to Become a Love Magnet

by Rinatta Paries

Do you want to attract true love or improve your
relationship so that it turns into true love?
Then you may want to become a love magnet.

You deserve to be loved! I will show you how to
attract true love by looking and growing within yourself.

Although you're seeking love from another person,
you will be more likely to get the love and
attention you deserve by first growing within.

Here are the six steps you need to take to help
you grow in just the right way. The steps will
groom you to attract and engender love.

Want to know exactly how to put each one of these
steps into action? Each of these steps plus six
more are described in detail and laid out for you
in the "How To Stop Being Single" class. To
register or find out more, go to
<http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html>http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html.

1. Figure out your relationship patterns. If you
are not attracting the right partners or not
getting enough love in your relationship, it's
probably not the first time in your life. If
that's the case, then it's likely you have
relationship patterns that are preventing you
from attracting the right partner or preventing
you from behaving in a way that causes love. Get
to know your relationship pattern and your love life will improve.

2. Let go of your past. Most people collect
unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time
something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into
a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing
heavily on your back. You can't move forward in
life -- and especially in relationships -- with
this baggage. You can't move forward emotionally
any better than if you had a real sack weighing
100 pounds on your back. Even if you don't feel
the weight most of the time, you will feel it in
relationships. It feels like excessive anger,
excessive need to control others, fear, and
anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let
go of the unpleasantness in your life and in your past.

3. Delve into your needs. Everyone has needs --
that's a part of human nature. In fact, our needs
create relationships. The giver and the receiver
both feel better and more connected when each
other's needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us
are uncomfortable asking others to meet our
needs. At the same time, we enter relationships
to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out
your needs, and then figure out which ones need
to be met by your partner and which ones need to
be met by other people. Get them met!

4. Draw your boundaries. Boundaries are there to
protect you and to help you honor your needs and
wants. You know you have boundaries when you can
choose to say yes or no to something, someone, or
a situation. You know you have boundaries when
you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You
know you have boundaries when you know your needs
and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries
makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and
inspires others to both respect you and treat you
well. This is valuable skill to learn.

5. Know what you want. Know what you want in a
partner and in a relationship. Be careful that
what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic
standards of perfection, or a set of low
expectations. Look at the relationships you value
most and model your love relationship after
those. Keep out people who are not a match,
invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors
that sabotage what you want in your relationship
and instead take action to create what you want.

6. Get connected. Build a community. Get people
into your life to meet your needs, to support
you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply
find "the one" or hope they have found "the one,"
and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a
stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your
needs, wants, desires, and interests on one
person? Do you think all of your needs will
somehow be met by your Prince or Princess
Charming? We all need community. We have too many
needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.

For detailed explanation on how to accomplish
each of these steps plus 6 more, register for the
"How to Stop Being Single" class. For more
information and to register, go to
<http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html>http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html.

© Rinatta Paries

The Magic of Solitude

By: Brian Tracy

The greatest men and women of all ages have
practiced solitude regularly. They learned how to
use silence to still their minds and tap into
their superconscious powers for answers to their questions.

In this newsletter, you learn how you can apply
this wonderful technique immediately to improve
the quality of your inner and outer life.

The Magic of Solitude
Your feelings, your emotions, are the access
point to your inner powers of mind. The most
important part in the process of getting in touch
with your feelings is to begin to practice
solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most
powerful activity in which you can engage. Men
and women who practice it correctly and on a
regular basis never fail to be amazed at the
difference it makes in their lives.

Most people have never practiced solitude. Most
people have never sat down quietly by themselves
for any period of time in their entire lives.
Most people are so busy being busy, doing
something­even watching television­that it's
highly unusual for them to simply sit,
deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine
Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become
great when they begin to take time quietly by
themselves, when they begin to practice
solitude." And here's the method you can use.

To get the full benefit of your periods of
solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to
60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it
before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so
for you to stop fidgeting and moving around.
You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in
your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible
desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.

Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly
still, back and head erect, eyes open, without
cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or
any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply.
Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try
to think about anything. The harder you "don't
try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or
25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed.
You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.

You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At
this point, you'll be ready to get the full
benefit of these moments of contemplation.

The River of Ideas
The incredible thing about solitude is that if it
is done correctly, it works just about 100
percent of the time. While you're sitting there,
a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through
your mind. You'll think about countless subjects
in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your
job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.

At a certain stage during your period of
solitude, the answers to the most pressing
difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and
clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side
of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to
you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that
you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.

Trusting Yourself
When you emerge from this period of quiet, you
must do exactly what has come to you. It may
involve dealing with a human situation. It may
involve starting something or quitting something.
Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that
you received in solitude, it will turn out to be
exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be
OK. And it will usually work out far better than
you could have imagined. Just try it and see.

You must learn to trust yourself. You must
develop the habit of listening to yourself and
then acting on the guidance you receive.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, select a specific time and place to sit
quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.

Second, take small periods of silence and
solitude during the day, especially when you feel
overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.

Third, take action immediately on the ideas and
insights you receive while in solitude. One good
idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust.

Quotes of the Week

'Vision isn't enough unless combined with venture. It's not
enough to stare up the steps unless we also step up the
stairs.'
-- Vance Havner

'It is never too late to be what we might have been.'
-- George Eliot

'Two little words that can make the difference: START NOW.'
-- Mary C. Crowley

'No mistake or failure is as bad as to stop and not try again.'
-- John Wanamaker

Over-Coming Life's Difficult Challenges

We are incredibly resilient and ambitious
people who are used to setting and achieving goals in life.
And yet, from time to time, we all face challenges that
seem insurmountable, a problem we can't crack.

Sometimes it's a personal goal that eludes us. Sometimes we
are knocked down by one of life's tragedies. Sometimes we
face resistance or opposition to a goal that means the
world to us. Whatever the cause, from time to time, we all
face over-whelming adversity and we need a strategy for
dealing with it.

Unfortunately, two of the most common 'strategies' are to
give up, or to keep doing the same thing over and over,
hoping for a different result. I think we can do better
than that!

Here are my suggestions for a better strategy:

1. Acceptance
Reality never lies, and the first step in over-coming
adversity is to recognize it. Sometimes, bad things happen.
Sometimes our good intentions, our best efforts and our
brilliant ideas just don't work. Sometimes, life is hard
and we don't like it, and the first step forward is to
admit 'this isn't working'.

Acceptance does not mean quitting and it does not mean
failure. It means recognizing what IS, getting curious
about why our plans aren't working, and wondering what is
going on. Always face the truth! Sometimes we meet
adversity and we need to recognize and accept it when it
happens.

2. Creativity
Adversity is nature's way of suggesting you try something
else. It doesn't mean changing your goals or giving up, but
it does mean stepping back, asking for advice, talking with
a coach, brainstorming and considering a new approach.

I love the story of Thomas Edison trying many thousands of
ways to invent the light bulb! He never 'failed'; he
discovered thousands of solutions that didn't work! If your
goal is worth achieving, and what you're doing isn't
working, step back, think of 10 or 20 or 100 alternatives
and make a fresh start.

3. Patience and Persistence
There's an old saying that 'God's delays are not God's
denials', and it's good to remember that many problems take
time. Some require years to solve; a few will not be
mastered in a single lifetime.

While it's true that 'nothing can resist the human will',
it is also true that brute force rarely builds anything
beautiful. I have a friend who spent 12 years building a
magnificent china cabinet. How many 'over-night sensations'
labored for 20 years before success 'suddenly' found them?
The Grand Canyon is the result of nothing but running
water, time and persistence.

4. Give up
Some readers will be surprised by this, but sometimes we
cling to dreams that will never happen for us, and in our
stubbornness, we deny ourselves a world of success in other
areas. We invest too much in chasing dreams that are not
ours! Go where it's easy. Do what works and makes sense and
opens doors for you.

You deserve success! You were not created to beat your head
against a wall or to struggle up a mountain without meaning
or clarity. Life DOES have pain and can be horribly unfair,
but that is NOT the total human experience! Mother Teresa
said that 'God will not give me any challenge I cannot
bear', and we need to remember that. The adversity you
experience is, in some way, the raw material for something
greater. Find it.

Philip Humbert, PhD

Have fewer reasons for Self Talk

Having less "on your mind"

If you've been to identify the negative self talk
topics, and have been keeping
your Boxes up-to-date, it's likely that you will be noticing that your
negative self talk is already less intrusive.

Your next step is to make things more manageable by dividing your Boxes
into two lists:

1. Action Items: Items about which you can take some form of action
right away.
2. Attitude Items: Everything else. In other words things about which
you cannot take action on ­ or at least cannot do so in the immediate
future. These require a change in how you think about them, hence
"Attitude Items".

This article is about the Action Items.

Procrastinating!

Look at your Action Items. You'll notice that they each require you to
do something… yet you haven't done this! You've been procrastinating:
avoiding, ignoring, delaying and so on. Nevertheless the topics still
play on your mind, even if only in the background, quietly eating away
at your happiness, your peace of mind, and even your vitality.

We procrastinate because we don't have a clear plan or are not motivated
enough ­ or have neither a plan nor motivation.

Mini Action Plans

Not having a clear plan is often the main reason for procrastinating.
For example, let's say you've been putting off painting a door for some
time. You've become quite expert at 'not thinking about it' yet every
time you look at that door you feel uneasy, embarrassed or guilty. And,
of course, the longer you put it off the more daunting and difficult the
task appears to become.

Well… now let's see just what the action steps are in this, by now
onerous, task…

1. Decide on the colour and the number of coats of paint the door
requires (Time required 10 minutes)
2. Decide if the surface needs to be sanded or primed (1 min)
3. Estimate how long the task will take and set aside that time/day (5
mins.)
4. Locate or purchase the materials (60 mins.)
5. Do the job on the designated day (120 mins.)

So the project you've been putting off for so long can be reduced to
just 5 steps and less than 3 ½ hours!

The effect of having a clear plan of action

Now take a moment to consider the difference that having a mini action
plan such as this can make.

Before making the plan, you had "that painting job" as a fuzzy idea in
your mind. A thought that you didn't want to think about, let alone do
something about. Now you have five distinct and clear steps, each of
which can be dealt with separately. You've broken it down into
bite-sized and manageable chunks. It's no longer daunting!

Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons why the NLP Outcome
Technique, which we explore in our NLP Core Skills course, is so
powerful ­ it reduces seemingly daunting tasks into manageable chunks.
Most items on your procrastination list won't need the full NLP Outcome
Technique ­ just the mini action plans ­ however, it would be good to
use it on any major items on your list. There is an article here NLP
OUTCOMES which, while not the same as learning it 'live', would be worth
following.

Action plans for your Action Items

Now go through your own list of Action Items and create a similar mini
action plan for each. It is quite important to actually *write* each
action plan. Trying to mentally keep track of them will simply increase
your negative self talk - defeating the object of the exercise!

Next sort your Action Items into the order in which you will actually
deal with them. Many people find it useful to get the little tasks out
of the way first since they each take less time and you can, therefore,
quite quickly reduce the size of your list ­ and have a lot less to self
talk about.

Next set aside a date and time in your diary/calendar for the first few
of these. And, finally, begin immediately by taking action on one or two
little items ­ just to build a momentum for taking action and reducing
the need for negative self talk!

© 2007 Reg Connolly -

Should You Have Written Goals?

Over the years, I've written a great deal about setting and
achieving goals. The consensus seems to be that high
achievers 'always' have a clear set of written goals, but I
don't happen to think that's true, and it may surprise you
that I don't believe setting goals is always a good thing.

Make no mistake, in most cases setting goals IS a good
thing. I have a variety of personal goals and I review them
frequently, discuss them with my wife, my coach and my
advisors, and I re-affirm them every morning. In general,
I believe most people will benefit from thoughtfully
selecting a handful of important goals, writing them down,
and going after them.

Here are the major advantages of written goals:

1. They force us to choose. Too often, we want too many
things and scatter our time and attention among all of
them. Selecting a small number of specific goals helps set
your priorities.

2. They focus our efforts. By defining exactly what you
are going to achieve and writing it down, vague desires or
wishes become concrete action plans.

3. Goals attract allies. When people know where we are
going, it's easier for them to help us. There is great
synergy, power and enthusiasm in a shared goal.

Most people, most of the time, will benefit from carefully
defining their goals, writing them down, developing an
action plan and following through.

There are, however, risks to setting goals and for some
people, setting goals can be a dangerous thing. Here are
the major weaknesses of written goals:

1. By focusing our attention on the future, goals can rob
us of the present. Some people get so caught up in their
vision, that they forget to 'smell the roses' each day.
John Lennon observed that 'life is what happens while you
are making other plans.' Don't let your dreams get in the
way of celebrating the present. Live each day and be
grateful.

2. Goals can prevent us from seeing even bigger, easier or
more vital opportunities. Like blinders on a horse, we can
become fixated on our goals and miss opportunities all
around us. Some people are so determined, so ambitious and
so disciplined that they forget to consider the alternatives.

3. Goals can become excuses. Some people set exciting
goals, then use their future achievements as an excuse to
avoid doing what they can and should do today. I've seen
teenagers so caught up the dream of becoming a 'rock star'
that they forget to study. Some adults fall into a similar trap.

Should you have written goals? Almost certainly. Carefully
selected, well-defined goals are the path to achievement,
fulfillment and satisfaction. But some areas of life should
not be 'goal oriented'. When it comes to personal integrity,
or spending time with loved ones, or celebrating the
miracles of daily life, these are not 'goals', they are
simply choices.

Have written goals, but never confuse your future
achievements with real life! Real life happens today. It
happens with the people around you, it happens right here,
right now. Ready or not, this is your life, and it is meant
to be lived to the full. Use goals; live life. Never
confuse the two.

Philip Humbert

The Quest for Total Happiness

I've been thinking about happiness. Specifically, I've been pondering
the keys to total
happiness and thinking about a wonderful book by the Dalai
Lama, 'The Art of Happiness'.

The Dalai Lama argues that, fundamentally, we all seek more
and greater happiness in our lives and that one of the
great questions in life is, 'What makes my life totally
fulfilled and totally happy?'

For many people, happiness is related to money, and
happiness means accumulating wealth. For them, money has
great value and they are motivated to work hard and
smarter, and to use money in ways that make them happy.
But there are thousands of individual differences in how
that works. Some make money and give it all away. Some make
money and hoard it, even burying it in the backyard, while
others invest it, and still others make a show of
displaying a wealth of possessions.

For others, happiness has little to do with money, and they
seek fulfillment in their creativity, or they find ultimate
happiness in family relationships, or by serving others.
There are many paths up the mountain called 'happiness'!

One of the most important distinctions the Dalai Lama makes
is between happiness and pleasure. We can all think of
experiences that bring us delightful pleasure but which
utterly fail to make us 'happy' in life. Almost everyone
enjoys a fine meal, perhaps with good wine, but we all
reject a life of gluttony and drunkenness.

So the question: What makes you truly happy?

This is a central question for the World Class Life
Conference next month, because in order to have a GREAT
life, we must first determine what it might look like. What
are the key pieces of a great and joyful life FOR YOU?

Almost 150 years ago, Henry Thoreau wrote that most people
'live lives of quiet desperation', and sadly, I think
that's still true. All our wealth and freedom, our
education and military power, even our access to the wisdom
and literature of past generations has not created a
society in which most people are 'happy'. Indeed, many
people seem to be incredibly unhappy. With all this freedom
to choose our destiny and create the life we truly want,
why aren't more people happy?

I think this is a vital question. It may even be THE
question for modern adults to ponder and answer. Given that
you can live almost anywhere you choose, read and learn
almost any skill, and have pretty much any reasonable
lifestyle you want, WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

What are your happiest memories? What are your happiest
fantasies, dreams and aspirations? Who do you know who
seems to be truly, massively happy?

What makes YOU happy? At the end of life, what will allow
you to say, 'I did it right. I made good choices. I am
HAPPY with the way I lived my life!' Whatever your answer,
in the coming days and weeks, do more of it, and do less of
everything else.

Philip Humbert

Using Your Inner Guidance SystemUsing Your Inner Guidance System

You have incredible powers of mind and emotions
that give you timely and accurate feedback in every area of your life.

In this newsletter, you learn how to "tune in" to
yourself so you can make the right decision in every situation.

Using Your Inner Guidance System
We know that the body has a natural bias toward
health and energy. It's designed to last for 100
years with proper care and maintenance. When
something goes wrong with any part of our body,
we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.

We know that when our body is not functioning
smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and
we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor;
we take pills; we undergo physical therapy,
massage or chiropractic. We know that if we
ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time,
it could lead to something more serious.

How to Tell Right From Wrong
In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to
tell emotionally what's right for us and what's
wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us
physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing
things in the physical realm, nature gives us
emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not
doing things in the emotional or mental realm.
The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so
that if you simply listen carefully to
yourself­to your mind, your body and your
emotions­and follow the guidance you're given,
you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

Just as the natural physical state of your body
is health and vitality, your natural emotional
state is peace and happiness. Whenever you
experience a deviation from peace and happiness,
it's an indication that something is amiss.
Something is wrong with what you're thinking,
doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness
is the best indicator you could ever have to tell
you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.

The Messenger
Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your
body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that
what you're doing is wrong for you.

Very often, you'll suffer from what has been
called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety
and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are
unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the
status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep.
Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very
often, you'll get upset with things that have
nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a
deep inner sense that something isn't as it
should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a
hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.

Divine Discontent
And that is a good thing. Divine discontent
always comes before a positive life change. If
you were perfectly satisfied, you would never
take any action to improve or change your
circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for
some reason do you have the inner motivation to
engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.

Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go
with the flow of your own personality. Do the
things that make you feel happy inside and you'll
probably never make another mistake.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, listen to yourself and trust your own
feelings. If there is a part of your life that
causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.

Second, identify those areas of your life where
you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any
reason. What changes should you, could you make?

Third, remember that nature wants you to be
happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any
deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.

Author: Brian Tracy

Quotes of the Week

"You are what you think about all day long."
-- Dr. Robert Schuller

"Once you know that what you think about expands, you start
getting real careful about what you think about."
-- Wayne Dyer

"The way we live our days, is the way we live our lives."
-- Annie Dillard

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a
big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can
make which, over time, add up to big differences that we
often cannot foresee."
-- Marian Wright Edelman

Tools for The Mind(tm)

Recently, I saw a new set of new, high-tech cookware
hanging in the kitchen and made the mistake of asking how
much it cost. Mary lovingly reminded me that I never scrimp
on the cost of woodworking tools, or new computers, or a
new golf club. Her point is well taken. Investing in the
right tool for the job is always a good idea! When it comes
to our tools, we want the best.

Except. when it comes to tools for the mind.

Whether it's audio programs or books, or classes or
coaching, as a society too often we "can't afford it". How
many of us will invest in a new laptop, a vacation or new
barbeque grill (I recently bought one) but then look at the
cost of a book and convince ourselves that we can't afford
it, and if we bought it, we "wouldn't have time" to read
it?

We all know that we live in the "information age" and that
continuous learning is the key to the future, and yet as a
practical matter, we are "too busy".

I recently talked with a colleague who coaches real estate
brokers and she noted that her most productive clients
"constantly" listen to audio programs. She noted that "if a
person will not (listen to tapes), I don't think they are
coachable. Listening to tapes is the LEAST they can do to
increase their income potential. If they won't do that, I
won't coach them."

I agree.

We all have areas where we MUST improve our performance.
Whether the challenge is in our careers, our families, our
fitness, communication skills or a hobby, staying where we
are is no longer an option. The world is moving too quickly
and changing too fast. We must improve our skills on a
daily basis.

Fortunately, this is not difficult. What's difficult is
finding time to DO more stuff, but I am not talking about
that. In fact, my point is that we should be doing LESS,
but doing it better, smarter and with more joy. Too often,
we confuse activity with productivity, and they are NOT the
same thing!

There is a old story that one of Henry Ford's early
production lines broke down and after his staff had tried
everything they could think of to fix it, he called a
specialist, who found the problem and fixed it in a few
minutes. Later, he sent Ford a bill for $10,000, which was
a fortune at that time.

Ford refused to pay it, claiming it was far too much for
ten minute's work, so the specialist revised his bill to
read, "Repairs, $10. Knowing HOW to do the repair, $9,990."
Ford quickly paid the bill.

Knowing what to do, when and how to do it, pays off!

One of the great ironies of our age is that for the first
time in history, survival is rarely a question. We have
food, clothing and shelter in abundance and are free to
spend our time pursuing other things. The question becomes,
what will you do with your one and only, marvelous life?
Will you collect things, or memories? Will you pursue more
and better "stuff", or a better life?

In Thomas Leonard's memorable phrase, the choice is between
creating a life or building a lifestyle.

Author: Philip Humbert

Using Your Inner Guidance System

We know that the body has a natural bias toward
health and energy. It's designed to last for 100
years with proper care and maintenance. When
something goes wrong with any part of our body,
we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.

We know that when our body is not functioning
smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and
we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor;
we take pills; we undergo physical therapy,
massage or chiropractic. We know that if we
ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time,
it could lead to something more serious.

I hope you are as excited as I am about the
possibilities of superfast reading with
PhotoReading. If you haven't ordered, please do
today. This is the best way to get through the
top business books of today such as
"Freakonomics," "Good to Great," "The Tipping
Point," "Blink," "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," and of
course, my books "The Power of Charm" and "Focal
Point"… which you probably bought but haven't read!!

With PhotoReading you learn how to process and
understand any book at least three times faster
than you can now… handle incoming mail and email
swiftly and promptly… make informed decisions
with every piece of printed material… be more
relaxed and confident when reading… gain more
pleasure from pleasure reading. This is something
you will even want to share with your entire family.

How to Tell Right From Wrong
In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to
tell emotionally what's right for us and what's
wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us
physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing
things in the physical realm, nature gives us
emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not
doing things in the emotional or mental realm.
The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so
that if you simply listen carefully to
yourself­to your mind, your body and your
emotions­and follow the guidance you're given,
you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

Just as the natural physical state of your body
is health and vitality, your natural emotional
state is peace and happiness. Whenever you
experience a deviation from peace and happiness,
it's an indication that something is amiss.
Something is wrong with what you're thinking,
doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness
is the best indicator you could ever have to tell
you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.

The Messenger
Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your
body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that
what you're doing is wrong for you.

Very often, you'll suffer from what has been
called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety
and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are
unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the
status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep.
Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very
often, you'll get upset with things that have
nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a
deep inner sense that something isn't as it
should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a
hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.

Divine Discontent
And that is a good thing. Divine discontent
always comes before a positive life change. If
you were perfectly satisfied, you would never
take any action to improve or change your
circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for
some reason do you have the inner motivation to
engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.

Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go
with the flow of your own personality. Do the
things that make you feel happy inside and you'll
probably never make another mistake.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, listen to yourself and trust your own
feelings. If there is a part of your life that
causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.

Second, identify those areas of your life where
you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any
reason. What changes should you, could you make?

Third, remember that nature wants you to be
happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any
deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.

By: Brian Tracy

You'll be Judged by Your Voice

From its earliest days the Net has been home to a rich variety of
voices. Never before have regular people had the means to communicate
their views to such a large and diverse audience. In fact, before the
Net came along, the power to publish lay in the hands of a few
powerful media companies alone. The best that you or I could hope for
was to find that our letter to the editor had made the cut.

The technology of the Net allowed anyone and everyone to publish
their views. From Usenet, to The Well, to a choice of thousands of
discussion lists and groups - millions of people discovered the joys
of raising their voices online.

Within this new culture, a premium was placed on voices that had a
unique and authentic character. That was how people stood out within
a text-based environment. No graphics. Nothing to see. Just words.
And the words that spread furthest were the words that carried the
unmistakable ring of an interesting voice.

The voices that attracted the widest or most attentive audiences did
so not by being loud, but by being interesting. And even being
interesting wasn't enough. There are lots of people out there with
interesting things to say. In addition, you needed to write in a way
that engaged the attention of your readers and always rang true.

This all happened before commerce came to the Web. And during that
period, people developed an uncommon sensitivity to voice online.

When commerce finally came to the Web, the writers or copywriters who
were responsible for writing commercial sites, emails and newsletters
failed to tap into the unique touch and flavor of online writing.
Instead, they simply borrowed their writing styles from what they
knew best - print and broadcast media.

And even today, companies online still don't get it. They still write
their online text in the slick, corporate style of offline writing.
The text of ecommerce has no character, no humanity, no recognizable voice.

This is a problem because your prospects and customers are quick to
ignore and skip over 'dead' text - wherever they see it.

To illustrate the point, here are two ways of talking about the new
Apple iBook laptop computer.

First, here's how Apple pitches it on their site:

The first thing you'll notice is that the iBook weighs just 4.9
pounds - almost 2 pounds lighter than before. You'll also note that
this iBook is appreciably smaller: just 11.2 inches wide, 9.1 inches
deep and 1.35 inches thick. The perfect size and shape to fit in your
backpack or briefcase. Fact is, the new iBook is designed to fit your
life. Fortunately, it's priced so you can still afford to have one.
Starting at $1,299.

With iMovie, iTunes and iTools, the new iBook is designed to work and
play with your digital tools and toys. Fact is, the iBook adds
fun-filled new dimensions to your MP3 player, music CD collection,
digital camera, DV camcorder and personal digital assistant. Your
iBook is right there at the center of it.

We'll forgive the writer for starting two sentences in the same way
with 'Fact is,'. A minor point.

But more telling is the construction and rhythm of the text. Take a
look at the four sentences at the end of the first paragraph.

The perfect size and shape to fit in your backpack or briefcase. Fact
is, the new iBook is designed to fit your life. Fortunately, it's
priced so you can still afford to have one. Starting at $1,299.

The first sentence has 12 words. The second has 11 words. The third
has 11. And the fourth and final sentence has just 3 words.

In other words, you get three sentences of equal weight and emphasis
followed by a very short, final sentence that places focus on the
price, and closes the paragraph on a high note. If you get my drift.

What's the big deal? The construction of the copy reeks of
'professional ad writer'. That's how you write for a print ad or a
catalogue. The construction is too measured, the voice too
commercial. The style is from the offline world where, as a customer,
you're meant simply to pay attention and listen to the message.

By way of comparison, here is an excerpt from an iBook review at epinions.com:

The first iBook was, like the first iMac, trying to make too radical
of a statement. The monstrosity weighed in at nearly 7 pounds. When
opened, it looked like an orange toilet seat. When closed, it looked
like a Hello Kitty purse (especially with that handle!). The colors
Apple picked made it look like a toy more than anything else. It was
underpowered and, despite Apple's greatest efforts, it was still
overpriced. The original iBook became sort of the odd little runt in
Apple's line - like the ugly duckling - and it sold like that too.

Well today is the day the little duckling turns into a beautiful
swan, and BOY whadda swan it is!

True, Apple probably wouldn't have the nerve to publish text like
this - however right the reviewer may be.

But it's not really the content I'm talking about. It's the voice and
the construction - or lack of construction - of the text. This iBook
reviewer writes pretty well, but the text isn't 'self-aware' or
'self-indulgent'. The voice is normal. It's from a regular person
with an interesting opinion.

The text has a strong character that is individual, not commercial.

And that's pretty much what I'm talking about. Real voices online
have character. And for that character to ring true in the online
environment, it has to be authentic, interesting and human. That's
why the 'toilet-seat' intro to the new iBook is so much more
compelling and powerful than the Apple version.

The voice fits with how real people communicate online in a way that
'commercial' writing never can.

And that's a good reason for us all to review our own sites, emails
and newsletters - and check for the power and authenticity of our voices.

Yes, online writers can still be 'professional'. But those
professionals, myself included, have to relearn how we write. We
can't write for print. We have to write for the online environment.

We have to learn to write with a voice that is true to our clients,
true to their customers and true to the culture of communicating
online. (And, of course, true to ourselves.)

*Nick Usborne speaks, writes, and consults on strategic copy issues
for business online.

Acceptance

<http://www.motivationalquotes.com/cgi-bin/db/db.cgi?db=db&uid=default&ID=&Quote=&Author=&Source=&Prayer=&Affirmation=&Keywords=acceptance&keyword=&mh=25&sb=---&so=asc&view_records=View+Records>Acceptance

Character Traits of Extraordinary Leaders
by <http://www.madeforsuccess.com/>Chris Widener

The success of every organization rests on the foundation of
leadership. A group of people, whether a business, organization,
family or society, can only go as far as leadership will take it.

Some people do not believe that they are leaders or even that they
can be a leader. I believe that every person is a leader in at least
one situation.

Maybe you aren't a leader at work but you are in your family or as
the soccer coach of the little league team. Somewhere you are
leading. That brings me to my final point before today's specific
topic. Here is my working definition of leadership: INFLUENCE.
Nothing more, nothing less. So as you are reading this understand
that I am giving you these thoughts in order to help you influence as
many people and in the most effective way possible

When people make a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) to
follow your leadership, they do it primarily because of one of two
things: Your Character or your Skills. They want to know if you are
the kind of person they want to follow and if you have the skills to
take them further. Yes, there are other variables but these are the
bulk of the matter. This week we focus on the kind of character that
causes people to follow your leadership.

1. Integrity. Integrity is that you do what you say you will. You are
trust worthy. People can rely on you. You keep your promises. The one
thing that will most keep people from following you is if they can't
know for sure if you will actually take them where you say you will.
Are you known as a person of integrity? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

2. Optimistic. People don't want to follow others who think the
future is bad! They want to follow those who can see the future and
let them know that there is a better place and that they can get them
there! Do you see the cup as half empty? Then you are a pessimist. Do
you see it as half full? Then you are an optimist. Do you see it as
totally full - half air and half water? Then you are a Super
Optimist! Are you known as an optimist? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

3. Embraces Change. Leaders are the ones who will see the need for
change and willingly embrace it. Followers will at first desire to
stay where they are. Leaders need to see the benefits of change and
communicate them to followers. If you don't change, you won't grow!
Are you known as a person who embraces change? If so, you will become
an Extraordinary Leader!

4. Risk Taker. Whenever we try something new, we are taking a risk.
That is part of growing though and it is imperative. Most people are
risk averse. Not the leader! They calculate the risk and what is to
be gained from taking the risk. Then they communicate that to the
followers and away they go to a better tomorrow! Are you known as a
person who is willing to take risks? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

5. Tenacious. The tendency of the follower is to quit when the going
gets tough. Two or three tries and their motto becomes "If at first
you don't succeed, give up and try something else." Not the leader!
They know what good lies beyond this brick wall and they will go and
get it. Then they will bring others with them! Are you known as a
person who is tenacious? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!

6. Catalytic. A leader is ultimately one who gets people going. They
are able to move others out of their comfort zone and on toward the
goal! They can raise the passion, enthusiasm and the ACTION of those
who would follow. Are you known as a catalyst? If so, you will become
an Extraordinary Leader!

7. Dedicated/Committed. Followers want people who are more devoted
and committed then themselves. At the first sign of lack of
commitment, followers scatter for the doors. If the leader sees the
end and is bailing out, they better get out first. Followers follow
those who will stick it out because they see the importance of the
task and the goal. Are you known as a person who is committed and
devoted to the goal? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!

Imagine a sad pencil that wants all the pens of the world to
acknowledge its handsome lines, but it can't win its way! So, it
decides not to be a pencil any more. And while one end of this pained
pencil concocts ways to change itself into something that is no
longer a lead-filled stick, in the end - by the very need it has to
dream such dreams to escape itself - it remains a pencil.

Quote: Whatever you have

Whatever you have, spend less.
- Samuel Johnson

Influence and Motivation

I was helping to enhance the effectiveness of a sales presentation
for a division of a Fortune 500 company this week. Lots of fun and
filled with some real "aha" experiences...

In just a moment I'm going to show you how to motivate people. Very
few people have the ability to motivate others to do anything because
people who have evolved to becoming agents of change haven't
discovered the lens with which you MUST view each person.

As you read the story, don't forget the message...and then...record
the analysis for your every day reminder...

Imagine:

Someone goes to work five days per week. They "punch in" at 9 and
"out" at "5." By an entrepreneur's standards, those are pretty wimpy
hours...OK, really wimpy hours. Then it dawned on me that most people
who do the "punch in" and "9-5" have to punch in because otherwise no
one would know they were there. In other words, it's sort of like
wearing an ankle bracelet when you are released from jail and
required to be at a certain place at a certain time and no where else.

As time passes the individual becomes like the hamster in the wheel.
Each day like the last and very predictive of the future.

When you say "job" the person immediately thinks of THEIR experience.
When you say "work" they think of THEIR OWN "work" or place of
employment. After a few months, and then a few years the person
becomes dependent on the job, the company,

...the wheel. They almost become a hamster....

Take away the wheel and the hamster freaks out.

[4] Tinnitus, Pain and Visual Delusions: Repairing Perception Problems

You may hear it (tinnitus), or know someone who does, feel it (pain),
see it (visual delusions). But you don't have permanently live with
these experiences!

12 years ago I woke up with tinnitus. 70-80 dB of h*ll. Talking with
a dozen doctors and reading tons of medical literature boiled down to
one thing: You are stuck with it. Get used to it.

Not possible. There was NO way I could live with the jet engine 24/7.
In addition to medications and a whole slew of lifestyle changes, I
started studying the brain. I got caught up by buying every textbook
I could find on neurology, psychobiology and neurobiology.

I'll tell you one thing: We know 100 times more about the brain today
than we did 12 years ago, but...the doctors still tell people there
is nothing that can be done.

They tell that to people who taste metal, see delusions, have
schizophrenia (paranoia w/delusions), feel chronic pain and have the
nightmare of them all: tinnitus. And they are wrong.

Kevin Hogan

The People Behind Technique and Strategy

by Kevin Hogan

You can know all the techniques, strategies and mental linguistics on
the planet...but...if you aren't a person of influence you haven't
got a chance.
Similarly you can be a person of influence but your client quite
simply might not be motivated to change. (at least not yet!)

Let's look at both of the people in the process and find out what
kind of a person a person of influence is...then find out what your
client must feel about you to best be motivated by you....

First: What is influence? It's a process where one person motivates
another person to change something.

Let's look at just what it takes to motivate that person and who the
person of influence needs to be to accomplish persuasion.

Just who is the person of influence?

Who is the great salesman, the great therapist, the great lover, the
great President, the great you get the idea....

There are a number of qualities and characteristics that are crucial
to success in persuasion and influence...in every usage from therapy
to selling. Above all else is one characteristic that dwarfs all of the rest...

Empathy.

*Nothing* is more important than empathy for someone who wants to
motivate others to change. What is empathy? It's the ability to
feel...to understand...to walk a mile in their shoes...Empathy means
that you can *feel* and see life from the perspective of the other
person. If and when you can do that...you can be influential. If you
can't you will only be able to "close a percentage" or get lucky now
and then. You can know all the techniques on the planet but if you
can't feel their pain you will never truly be a great salesman, a
great communicator, a powerful person of influence.

***You walk into the hospital, see your loved one with the I V in
their arm. You paste a smile on your face but they know it hurts you
as much as it does them. That's empathy.

***Your child is home sick from school. You feel as bad for them as they feel.

***You see the result of their bad decisions and the pain of the
future they now face. You feel it too.

When I think of empathy I think of people like former President
Clinton. (gasp!) He has far more empathy than most people in the
public eye. Politics aside, when you watched Clinton with people, you
sensed he could really be in that person's shoes...and he was.

That means he has the capacity to identify and feel what others are
feeling at this moment. People of great empathy have three common traits.

* They have experienced pain first hand.
* They have a wide range of experiences with all kinds of other people.
* They are validated and feel good based upon the approval of others.

I saw a book on the shelf today at B & N. It was called "Disease to
Please." I didn't pick it up. Why? The person doesn't get it. (Just
like the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. It's All Small
Stuff.") The book might be helpful but the *title* spreads a very bad
ideavirus.

In a broad sense, the ideal life is about two things. Giving and
receiving pleasure. (Pleasure broadly means anything that is good.)
Take away one of the two (giving or receiving) from the person and
you have a half of a person...

Take away the giving part, and in the vernacular, you have a jerk....

I'll bet a nickel the author of "Disease to Please" will tell the
reader that the reason people are unhappy and unsatisfied is that
they are trying to please other people at their own expense. (And
that might be a fact.) The possible solution might be proposed to
*stop* trying to please others and start doing what the reader has
never done perhaps...please themselves.

Problem.

As soon as the person stops being helpful, kind, loving, supportive,
nurturing to others they lose the other half of who they were. The
half of them that IS powerful and useful.

The real solution obviously is to always be supportive, kind and
helpful. And then to be supportive, kind and helpful to yourself as
well. (It requires no more time or effort. A simple set of choices.)
Then instead of becoming a jerk they becomes a complete
person...and...a person capable of powerful influence...which means
they are only one step away from success at any level they choose.

The influential person has a strong desire to please... and if they
are going to be influential that extends to the desire to help (for
both altruistic and selfish purposes) others be happy, feel better,
and be useful as a human. This desire to help, to create value, to
love will often be paired with some kind of pain and no one should
tell this person to try and squelch the feelings of being rebuffed,
rejected or hurt. That IS the healthy and normal response. These are
the feelings that generate the empathic response.

Master Your Mind

by Paul J. Meyer

Achievers set goals, are dedicated to reaching them,
concentrate on strengths and minimize weaknesses. They
continuously step up their courage, pride, determination
and confidence, all the while keeping their achievements
in perspective. In combination, these qualities make up
the achiever's attitude, the overall frame of mind that
enables people to become successful in all areas of life.

An achiever's attitude is essential to reaching goals and
fulfilling dreams. Through practice and repetition, you
can develop positive habits of thinking. Your mind
believes what you tell it, and your body receives direction
from your mind. Tell yourself constantly that you can do
something, and you will.

Master your mind with these suggestions:

Focus On Your Goals
When you have sufficient desire to reach the top, you
gain the determination, courage, pride and willingness
necessary to exert the effort to overcome obstacles that
stand between you and your goals.

Exert Self-Control
Many people panic when they make a few mistakes.
Achievers look forward­not backward. They keep
their mind focused on their goals and possess mental
toughness, never letting their emotions disrupt
performance.

Be Teachable
Achievers realize they do not know everything there is
to know. They know they can always improve, no matter
how good they are. They welcome constructive criticism
and pursue suggestions from others to reach even higher
levels of expertise and excellence.

Paraphrase Your Customer's Words

The customer is only sure that you have been listening when you
paraphrase what the prospect has said and feed it back in your own
words. This is where the rubber meets the road in effective
listening. This is where you demonstrate in no uncertain terms to the
prospect that your listening has been real and sincere. This is where
you show the prospect that you were paying complete attention to what
he or she was saying. Paraphrasing is how you prove it.

Question for Clarification
When the prospect has finished explaining his or her situation to
you, and you have paused, and then questioned for clarification, you
paraphrase the prospects primary thoughts and concerns, and feed them
back to him or her in your own words.

Use the Right Words
For example, you might say, "Let me make sure I understand exactly
what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are concerned about two
things more than anything else, and that in the past you have had a
couple of experiences that have made you very careful in approaching
a decision of this kind."

Feed it Back Accurately
You then go on to feed back to the prospect exactly what he or she
has told you, pausing and questioning for clarification as you go,
until the customer says words to the effect of, "Yes, that's it!
You've got it exactly."

Earn the Right to Sell
Only when you and the customer completed a thorough "examination" and
have mutually agreed on the "diagnosis" you are in a position to
begin talking to the customer about your product or service. In
general terms, this means that you can not pull out your brochures
and price lists and begin telling the customer how your product or
service can solve his problems or achieve his goals until about
seventy percent of the way through the sales conversation. Until
then, you have not yet earned the right. Until then, you don't even
know enough to begin an intelligent presentation without embarrassing
yourself.

Be a Good Listener
The more and better you listen, the more and better people will like
you, trust you and want to do business with you. The more they will
want to get involved with you as a person and the more popular you
will be with them. Excellent listeners are welcome everywhere, in
every walk of life, and they eventually and ultimately arrive at the
top of their fields.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, remember that your first job in the sale is to get the
customer to like you and believe that you understand his situation.
Paraphrasing is the way you accomplish this.

Second, be sure that the customer agrees with you completely when you
feed back his concerns to him. Only then can you really start selling.

Brian Tracy

Making your goals

Quantifying your goals can be a long process.
You'll have to gather a lot more information
before you're ready to set specific targets.
Eventually, you'll probably want to put those
goals together in the form of a business plan.

But before we move on to the process of getting
that information, let's take a look at some of
the guidelines you should follow when quantifying your goals:

* Be specific ­ establish targets that can be
easily measured, and use numbers as targets
whenever possible. For example, you may set a
goal of selling your goods or services across a
particular number of counties or states, having a
certain number of employees, or reaching a
particular level of sales. Tie those numbers to
specific time frames (within six months, within
two years, within 10 years, etc.).

* Be realistic ­ having high expectations is
great, but make sure that you establish targets
that are reasonable and potentially achievable.
If you're opening a fast-food restaurant, to say
that you want to be bigger than McDonald's within six months is not realistic.

* Be aggressive ­ you can be realistic and still
aim high. Don't set goals that are too easily
achieved; also, set both short-term and long-term
goals. If, after six months in business, you
accomplish all of your goals, then what? Don't
sell yourself short; if you want to be bigger
than McDonald's within 20 years, go for it.

* Be consistent ­ Beware of inadvertently setting
inconsistent goals. For example, a goal of
growing fast enough to have three employees
within two years might be inconsistent with a
goal of earning a particular amount of money if
the cost of adding the employees ends up
temporarily reducing your income below the target
level. There is nothing wrong with having both
goals. Just be aware that the potential conflict
exists, and establish priorities among your goals
so that you'll know which ones are most important to you.

In developing your goals and objectives, you
should be specific where achievements can be
measured. Normally you would have a numbered list
of a few selected objectives. Keep your list to
about ten, because long lists make it hard to focus.

Making your goals concrete is the best way,
possibly the only way, to tell when you've
achieved them. Your chance of implementation
depends on your being able to track progress
toward goals and measure results, and
implementation is critical. Set measurable
objectives such as sales or sales growth, profits
or profitability, market share as published by an
objective and accessible source, gross margin as percent of sales, for example.

Avoid listing vague goals that can't be tracked.
Where general or intangible goals are important
to your business, find a way to make them
specific. For example, if customer satisfaction
is a priority, put your objectives in terms of
percent of returns, specific numbers of
complaints, or letters of praise, or some other
measure related to satisfaction. If image or
awareness is a priority, include a survey to
measure the change in percentages in your plan.
You can build a customer satisfaction survey into
your plan, set the sample size and satisfaction
scores you want to achieve, then carry out the survey to check on success.

Since you deal with products, you might watch
gross margin or unit sales, so you should set
objectives for these key factors. If you are a
distribution company, for example, then you will
also want to focus on tight management of
logistics, working capital, and personnel costs.
If you are a publisher, then you might focus on
product quality, titles, or marketing. This
obviously depends on your type of business.

About the Author:
Brian Hazelgren is a globally recognized expert
in business planning, strategic planning,
infrastructure development, training, sales and operations.

Negotiation

Suppose you've just finished your business presentation and your
prospect resists your
offer. For example, let's say that your prospect tells you she
doesn't have the time
to do your business. What do you say?

Give up?

Here is a simple language formula for increasing your closing ratio
by 40% when you
get resistance at the end of a presentation:

Step 1. Agree
Step 2. Listen
Step 3. Probe
Step 4. Create Disagreement
Step 5. Solution

Here's how it might play out:
Prospect: 'Thanks for showing me your program but I just don't have
the time to add anything to my
schedule right now.'

You: (Agree) 'Hey, no problem. I think you ought to pass on having a
part-time business that
doesn't fit within your present schedule.'

You: (Listen)
Prospect: 'I like your program though. It's just the time thing you see.'

You: (Probe) 'What do you like about the program?'

Prospect: 'Well, it looks like you have some really great products
and they could help a lot of people.
I've always wanted to have my own business and this one looks pretty good.'

You: (Create Disagreement) 'But you're not really serious about
having your own business are you?'

Prospect: 'Actually, I am. I know I'd be good at running my own
business. I'm very motivated to
make money and work for myself.'

You: (Offer Solution) 'May I make a suggestion?

('Yes') Why don't we get you started on a very limited schedule--one
you would feel totally
comfortable with. As your income grows, you can always add more
hours. That way it won't conflict
with your present schedule. How does that sound?'

Prospect: 'Yeah, I could handle that.'
Cha ching!

Author: Hilton Johnson