Seduce: Six Sure-Fire Steps to Become a Love Magnet

by Rinatta Paries

Do you want to attract true love or improve your
relationship so that it turns into true love?
Then you may want to become a love magnet.

You deserve to be loved! I will show you how to
attract true love by looking and growing within yourself.

Although you're seeking love from another person,
you will be more likely to get the love and
attention you deserve by first growing within.

Here are the six steps you need to take to help
you grow in just the right way. The steps will
groom you to attract and engender love.

Want to know exactly how to put each one of these
steps into action? Each of these steps plus six
more are described in detail and laid out for you
in the "How To Stop Being Single" class. To
register or find out more, go to
<http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html>http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html.

1. Figure out your relationship patterns. If you
are not attracting the right partners or not
getting enough love in your relationship, it's
probably not the first time in your life. If
that's the case, then it's likely you have
relationship patterns that are preventing you
from attracting the right partner or preventing
you from behaving in a way that causes love. Get
to know your relationship pattern and your love life will improve.

2. Let go of your past. Most people collect
unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time
something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into
a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing
heavily on your back. You can't move forward in
life -- and especially in relationships -- with
this baggage. You can't move forward emotionally
any better than if you had a real sack weighing
100 pounds on your back. Even if you don't feel
the weight most of the time, you will feel it in
relationships. It feels like excessive anger,
excessive need to control others, fear, and
anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let
go of the unpleasantness in your life and in your past.

3. Delve into your needs. Everyone has needs --
that's a part of human nature. In fact, our needs
create relationships. The giver and the receiver
both feel better and more connected when each
other's needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us
are uncomfortable asking others to meet our
needs. At the same time, we enter relationships
to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out
your needs, and then figure out which ones need
to be met by your partner and which ones need to
be met by other people. Get them met!

4. Draw your boundaries. Boundaries are there to
protect you and to help you honor your needs and
wants. You know you have boundaries when you can
choose to say yes or no to something, someone, or
a situation. You know you have boundaries when
you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You
know you have boundaries when you know your needs
and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries
makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and
inspires others to both respect you and treat you
well. This is valuable skill to learn.

5. Know what you want. Know what you want in a
partner and in a relationship. Be careful that
what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic
standards of perfection, or a set of low
expectations. Look at the relationships you value
most and model your love relationship after
those. Keep out people who are not a match,
invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors
that sabotage what you want in your relationship
and instead take action to create what you want.

6. Get connected. Build a community. Get people
into your life to meet your needs, to support
you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply
find "the one" or hope they have found "the one,"
and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a
stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your
needs, wants, desires, and interests on one
person? Do you think all of your needs will
somehow be met by your Prince or Princess
Charming? We all need community. We have too many
needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.

For detailed explanation on how to accomplish
each of these steps plus 6 more, register for the
"How to Stop Being Single" class. For more
information and to register, go to
<http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html>http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html.

© Rinatta Paries

The Magic of Solitude

By: Brian Tracy

The greatest men and women of all ages have
practiced solitude regularly. They learned how to
use silence to still their minds and tap into
their superconscious powers for answers to their questions.

In this newsletter, you learn how you can apply
this wonderful technique immediately to improve
the quality of your inner and outer life.

The Magic of Solitude
Your feelings, your emotions, are the access
point to your inner powers of mind. The most
important part in the process of getting in touch
with your feelings is to begin to practice
solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most
powerful activity in which you can engage. Men
and women who practice it correctly and on a
regular basis never fail to be amazed at the
difference it makes in their lives.

Most people have never practiced solitude. Most
people have never sat down quietly by themselves
for any period of time in their entire lives.
Most people are so busy being busy, doing
something­even watching television­that it's
highly unusual for them to simply sit,
deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine
Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become
great when they begin to take time quietly by
themselves, when they begin to practice
solitude." And here's the method you can use.

To get the full benefit of your periods of
solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to
60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it
before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so
for you to stop fidgeting and moving around.
You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in
your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible
desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.

Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly
still, back and head erect, eyes open, without
cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or
any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply.
Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try
to think about anything. The harder you "don't
try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or
25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed.
You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.

You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At
this point, you'll be ready to get the full
benefit of these moments of contemplation.

The River of Ideas
The incredible thing about solitude is that if it
is done correctly, it works just about 100
percent of the time. While you're sitting there,
a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through
your mind. You'll think about countless subjects
in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your
job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.

At a certain stage during your period of
solitude, the answers to the most pressing
difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and
clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side
of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to
you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that
you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.

Trusting Yourself
When you emerge from this period of quiet, you
must do exactly what has come to you. It may
involve dealing with a human situation. It may
involve starting something or quitting something.
Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that
you received in solitude, it will turn out to be
exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be
OK. And it will usually work out far better than
you could have imagined. Just try it and see.

You must learn to trust yourself. You must
develop the habit of listening to yourself and
then acting on the guidance you receive.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, select a specific time and place to sit
quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.

Second, take small periods of silence and
solitude during the day, especially when you feel
overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.

Third, take action immediately on the ideas and
insights you receive while in solitude. One good
idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust.

Quotes of the Week

'Vision isn't enough unless combined with venture. It's not
enough to stare up the steps unless we also step up the
stairs.'
-- Vance Havner

'It is never too late to be what we might have been.'
-- George Eliot

'Two little words that can make the difference: START NOW.'
-- Mary C. Crowley

'No mistake or failure is as bad as to stop and not try again.'
-- John Wanamaker

Over-Coming Life's Difficult Challenges

We are incredibly resilient and ambitious
people who are used to setting and achieving goals in life.
And yet, from time to time, we all face challenges that
seem insurmountable, a problem we can't crack.

Sometimes it's a personal goal that eludes us. Sometimes we
are knocked down by one of life's tragedies. Sometimes we
face resistance or opposition to a goal that means the
world to us. Whatever the cause, from time to time, we all
face over-whelming adversity and we need a strategy for
dealing with it.

Unfortunately, two of the most common 'strategies' are to
give up, or to keep doing the same thing over and over,
hoping for a different result. I think we can do better
than that!

Here are my suggestions for a better strategy:

1. Acceptance
Reality never lies, and the first step in over-coming
adversity is to recognize it. Sometimes, bad things happen.
Sometimes our good intentions, our best efforts and our
brilliant ideas just don't work. Sometimes, life is hard
and we don't like it, and the first step forward is to
admit 'this isn't working'.

Acceptance does not mean quitting and it does not mean
failure. It means recognizing what IS, getting curious
about why our plans aren't working, and wondering what is
going on. Always face the truth! Sometimes we meet
adversity and we need to recognize and accept it when it
happens.

2. Creativity
Adversity is nature's way of suggesting you try something
else. It doesn't mean changing your goals or giving up, but
it does mean stepping back, asking for advice, talking with
a coach, brainstorming and considering a new approach.

I love the story of Thomas Edison trying many thousands of
ways to invent the light bulb! He never 'failed'; he
discovered thousands of solutions that didn't work! If your
goal is worth achieving, and what you're doing isn't
working, step back, think of 10 or 20 or 100 alternatives
and make a fresh start.

3. Patience and Persistence
There's an old saying that 'God's delays are not God's
denials', and it's good to remember that many problems take
time. Some require years to solve; a few will not be
mastered in a single lifetime.

While it's true that 'nothing can resist the human will',
it is also true that brute force rarely builds anything
beautiful. I have a friend who spent 12 years building a
magnificent china cabinet. How many 'over-night sensations'
labored for 20 years before success 'suddenly' found them?
The Grand Canyon is the result of nothing but running
water, time and persistence.

4. Give up
Some readers will be surprised by this, but sometimes we
cling to dreams that will never happen for us, and in our
stubbornness, we deny ourselves a world of success in other
areas. We invest too much in chasing dreams that are not
ours! Go where it's easy. Do what works and makes sense and
opens doors for you.

You deserve success! You were not created to beat your head
against a wall or to struggle up a mountain without meaning
or clarity. Life DOES have pain and can be horribly unfair,
but that is NOT the total human experience! Mother Teresa
said that 'God will not give me any challenge I cannot
bear', and we need to remember that. The adversity you
experience is, in some way, the raw material for something
greater. Find it.

Philip Humbert, PhD

Have fewer reasons for Self Talk

Having less "on your mind"

If you've been to identify the negative self talk
topics, and have been keeping
your Boxes up-to-date, it's likely that you will be noticing that your
negative self talk is already less intrusive.

Your next step is to make things more manageable by dividing your Boxes
into two lists:

1. Action Items: Items about which you can take some form of action
right away.
2. Attitude Items: Everything else. In other words things about which
you cannot take action on ­ or at least cannot do so in the immediate
future. These require a change in how you think about them, hence
"Attitude Items".

This article is about the Action Items.

Procrastinating!

Look at your Action Items. You'll notice that they each require you to
do something… yet you haven't done this! You've been procrastinating:
avoiding, ignoring, delaying and so on. Nevertheless the topics still
play on your mind, even if only in the background, quietly eating away
at your happiness, your peace of mind, and even your vitality.

We procrastinate because we don't have a clear plan or are not motivated
enough ­ or have neither a plan nor motivation.

Mini Action Plans

Not having a clear plan is often the main reason for procrastinating.
For example, let's say you've been putting off painting a door for some
time. You've become quite expert at 'not thinking about it' yet every
time you look at that door you feel uneasy, embarrassed or guilty. And,
of course, the longer you put it off the more daunting and difficult the
task appears to become.

Well… now let's see just what the action steps are in this, by now
onerous, task…

1. Decide on the colour and the number of coats of paint the door
requires (Time required 10 minutes)
2. Decide if the surface needs to be sanded or primed (1 min)
3. Estimate how long the task will take and set aside that time/day (5
mins.)
4. Locate or purchase the materials (60 mins.)
5. Do the job on the designated day (120 mins.)

So the project you've been putting off for so long can be reduced to
just 5 steps and less than 3 ½ hours!

The effect of having a clear plan of action

Now take a moment to consider the difference that having a mini action
plan such as this can make.

Before making the plan, you had "that painting job" as a fuzzy idea in
your mind. A thought that you didn't want to think about, let alone do
something about. Now you have five distinct and clear steps, each of
which can be dealt with separately. You've broken it down into
bite-sized and manageable chunks. It's no longer daunting!

Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons why the NLP Outcome
Technique, which we explore in our NLP Core Skills course, is so
powerful ­ it reduces seemingly daunting tasks into manageable chunks.
Most items on your procrastination list won't need the full NLP Outcome
Technique ­ just the mini action plans ­ however, it would be good to
use it on any major items on your list. There is an article here NLP
OUTCOMES which, while not the same as learning it 'live', would be worth
following.

Action plans for your Action Items

Now go through your own list of Action Items and create a similar mini
action plan for each. It is quite important to actually *write* each
action plan. Trying to mentally keep track of them will simply increase
your negative self talk - defeating the object of the exercise!

Next sort your Action Items into the order in which you will actually
deal with them. Many people find it useful to get the little tasks out
of the way first since they each take less time and you can, therefore,
quite quickly reduce the size of your list ­ and have a lot less to self
talk about.

Next set aside a date and time in your diary/calendar for the first few
of these. And, finally, begin immediately by taking action on one or two
little items ­ just to build a momentum for taking action and reducing
the need for negative self talk!

© 2007 Reg Connolly -

Should You Have Written Goals?

Over the years, I've written a great deal about setting and
achieving goals. The consensus seems to be that high
achievers 'always' have a clear set of written goals, but I
don't happen to think that's true, and it may surprise you
that I don't believe setting goals is always a good thing.

Make no mistake, in most cases setting goals IS a good
thing. I have a variety of personal goals and I review them
frequently, discuss them with my wife, my coach and my
advisors, and I re-affirm them every morning. In general,
I believe most people will benefit from thoughtfully
selecting a handful of important goals, writing them down,
and going after them.

Here are the major advantages of written goals:

1. They force us to choose. Too often, we want too many
things and scatter our time and attention among all of
them. Selecting a small number of specific goals helps set
your priorities.

2. They focus our efforts. By defining exactly what you
are going to achieve and writing it down, vague desires or
wishes become concrete action plans.

3. Goals attract allies. When people know where we are
going, it's easier for them to help us. There is great
synergy, power and enthusiasm in a shared goal.

Most people, most of the time, will benefit from carefully
defining their goals, writing them down, developing an
action plan and following through.

There are, however, risks to setting goals and for some
people, setting goals can be a dangerous thing. Here are
the major weaknesses of written goals:

1. By focusing our attention on the future, goals can rob
us of the present. Some people get so caught up in their
vision, that they forget to 'smell the roses' each day.
John Lennon observed that 'life is what happens while you
are making other plans.' Don't let your dreams get in the
way of celebrating the present. Live each day and be
grateful.

2. Goals can prevent us from seeing even bigger, easier or
more vital opportunities. Like blinders on a horse, we can
become fixated on our goals and miss opportunities all
around us. Some people are so determined, so ambitious and
so disciplined that they forget to consider the alternatives.

3. Goals can become excuses. Some people set exciting
goals, then use their future achievements as an excuse to
avoid doing what they can and should do today. I've seen
teenagers so caught up the dream of becoming a 'rock star'
that they forget to study. Some adults fall into a similar trap.

Should you have written goals? Almost certainly. Carefully
selected, well-defined goals are the path to achievement,
fulfillment and satisfaction. But some areas of life should
not be 'goal oriented'. When it comes to personal integrity,
or spending time with loved ones, or celebrating the
miracles of daily life, these are not 'goals', they are
simply choices.

Have written goals, but never confuse your future
achievements with real life! Real life happens today. It
happens with the people around you, it happens right here,
right now. Ready or not, this is your life, and it is meant
to be lived to the full. Use goals; live life. Never
confuse the two.

Philip Humbert

The Quest for Total Happiness

I've been thinking about happiness. Specifically, I've been pondering
the keys to total
happiness and thinking about a wonderful book by the Dalai
Lama, 'The Art of Happiness'.

The Dalai Lama argues that, fundamentally, we all seek more
and greater happiness in our lives and that one of the
great questions in life is, 'What makes my life totally
fulfilled and totally happy?'

For many people, happiness is related to money, and
happiness means accumulating wealth. For them, money has
great value and they are motivated to work hard and
smarter, and to use money in ways that make them happy.
But there are thousands of individual differences in how
that works. Some make money and give it all away. Some make
money and hoard it, even burying it in the backyard, while
others invest it, and still others make a show of
displaying a wealth of possessions.

For others, happiness has little to do with money, and they
seek fulfillment in their creativity, or they find ultimate
happiness in family relationships, or by serving others.
There are many paths up the mountain called 'happiness'!

One of the most important distinctions the Dalai Lama makes
is between happiness and pleasure. We can all think of
experiences that bring us delightful pleasure but which
utterly fail to make us 'happy' in life. Almost everyone
enjoys a fine meal, perhaps with good wine, but we all
reject a life of gluttony and drunkenness.

So the question: What makes you truly happy?

This is a central question for the World Class Life
Conference next month, because in order to have a GREAT
life, we must first determine what it might look like. What
are the key pieces of a great and joyful life FOR YOU?

Almost 150 years ago, Henry Thoreau wrote that most people
'live lives of quiet desperation', and sadly, I think
that's still true. All our wealth and freedom, our
education and military power, even our access to the wisdom
and literature of past generations has not created a
society in which most people are 'happy'. Indeed, many
people seem to be incredibly unhappy. With all this freedom
to choose our destiny and create the life we truly want,
why aren't more people happy?

I think this is a vital question. It may even be THE
question for modern adults to ponder and answer. Given that
you can live almost anywhere you choose, read and learn
almost any skill, and have pretty much any reasonable
lifestyle you want, WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

What are your happiest memories? What are your happiest
fantasies, dreams and aspirations? Who do you know who
seems to be truly, massively happy?

What makes YOU happy? At the end of life, what will allow
you to say, 'I did it right. I made good choices. I am
HAPPY with the way I lived my life!' Whatever your answer,
in the coming days and weeks, do more of it, and do less of
everything else.

Philip Humbert