tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86935014035091421132024-02-08T02:42:13.991-08:00Love NLPJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-8924486156616686762008-09-16T15:27:00.000-07:002008-10-09T07:17:14.677-07:00Seduce: Six Sure-Fire Steps to Become a Love Magnetby Rinatta Paries<p>Do you want to attract true love or improve your <br>relationship so that it turns into true love? <br>Then you may want to become a love magnet.<p>You deserve to be loved! I will show you how to <br>attract true love by looking and growing within yourself.<p>Although you're seeking love from another person, <br>you will be more likely to get the love and <br>attention you deserve by first growing within.<p>Here are the six steps you need to take to help <br>you grow in just the right way. The steps will <br>groom you to attract and engender love.<p>Want to know exactly how to put each one of these <br>steps into action? Each of these steps plus six <br>more are described in detail and laid out for you <br>in the "How To Stop Being Single" class. To <br>register or find out more, go to <br><<a href="http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html">http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html</a>><a href="http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html">http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html</a>. <p><br>1. Figure out your relationship patterns. If you <br>are not attracting the right partners or not <br>getting enough love in your relationship, it's <br>probably not the first time in your life. If <br>that's the case, then it's likely you have <br>relationship patterns that are preventing you <br>from attracting the right partner or preventing <br>you from behaving in a way that causes love. Get <br>to know your relationship pattern and your love life will improve.<p>2. Let go of your past. Most people collect <br>unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time <br>something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into <br>a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing <br>heavily on your back. You can't move forward in <br>life -- and especially in relationships -- with <br>this baggage. You can't move forward emotionally <br>any better than if you had a real sack weighing <br>100 pounds on your back. Even if you don't feel <br>the weight most of the time, you will feel it in <br>relationships. It feels like excessive anger, <br>excessive need to control others, fear, and <br>anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let <br>go of the unpleasantness in your life and in your past.<p>3. Delve into your needs. Everyone has needs -- <br>that's a part of human nature. In fact, our needs <br>create relationships. The giver and the receiver <br>both feel better and more connected when each <br>other's needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us <br>are uncomfortable asking others to meet our <br>needs. At the same time, we enter relationships <br>to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out <br>your needs, and then figure out which ones need <br>to be met by your partner and which ones need to <br>be met by other people. Get them met!<p>4. Draw your boundaries. Boundaries are there to <br>protect you and to help you honor your needs and <br>wants. You know you have boundaries when you can <br>choose to say yes or no to something, someone, or <br>a situation. You know you have boundaries when <br>you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You <br>know you have boundaries when you know your needs <br>and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries <br>makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and <br>inspires others to both respect you and treat you <br>well. This is valuable skill to learn.<p>5. Know what you want. Know what you want in a <br>partner and in a relationship. Be careful that <br>what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic <br>standards of perfection, or a set of low <br>expectations. Look at the relationships you value <br>most and model your love relationship after <br>those. Keep out people who are not a match, <br>invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors <br>that sabotage what you want in your relationship <br>and instead take action to create what you want.<p>6. Get connected. Build a community. Get people <br>into your life to meet your needs, to support <br>you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply <br>find "the one" or hope they have found "the one," <br>and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a <br>stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your <br>needs, wants, desires, and interests on one <br>person? Do you think all of your needs will <br>somehow be met by your Prince or Princess <br>Charming? We all need community. We have too many <br>needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.<p>For detailed explanation on how to accomplish <br>each of these steps plus 6 more, register for the <br>"How to Stop Being Single" class. For more <br>information and to register, go to <br><<a href="http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html">http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html</a>><a href="http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html">http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/single.html</a>. <p><br>© Rinatta PariesJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-324401371023824432008-09-12T15:21:00.000-07:002008-10-09T07:16:19.289-07:00The Magic of SolitudeBy: Brian Tracy<p>The greatest men and women of all ages have <br>practiced solitude regularly. They learned how to <br>use silence to still their minds and tap into <br>their superconscious powers for answers to their questions.<p>In this newsletter, you learn how you can apply <br>this wonderful technique immediately to improve <br>the quality of your inner and outer life.<p>The Magic of Solitude<br>Your feelings, your emotions, are the access <br>point to your inner powers of mind. The most <br>important part in the process of getting in touch <br>with your feelings is to begin to practice <br>solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most <br>powerful activity in which you can engage. Men <br>and women who practice it correctly and on a <br>regular basis never fail to be amazed at the <br>difference it makes in their lives.<p>Most people have never practiced solitude. Most <br>people have never sat down quietly by themselves <br>for any period of time in their entire lives. <br>Most people are so busy being busy, doing <br>something­even watching television­that it's <br>highly unusual for them to simply sit, <br>deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine <br>Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become <br>great when they begin to take time quietly by <br>themselves, when they begin to practice <br>solitude." And here's the method you can use.<p>To get the full benefit of your periods of <br>solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to <br>60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it <br>before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so <br>for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. <br>You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in <br>your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible <br>desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.<p>Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly <br>still, back and head erect, eyes open, without <br>cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or <br>any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.<p>Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. <br>Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try <br>to think about anything. The harder you "don't <br>try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or <br>25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. <br>You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.<p>You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At <br>this point, you'll be ready to get the full <br>benefit of these moments of contemplation.<p>The River of Ideas<br>The incredible thing about solitude is that if it <br>is done correctly, it works just about 100 <br>percent of the time. While you're sitting there, <br>a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through <br>your mind. You'll think about countless subjects <br>in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your <br>job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.<p>At a certain stage during your period of <br>solitude, the answers to the most pressing <br>difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and <br>clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side <br>of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to <br>you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that <br>you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.<p>Trusting Yourself<br>When you emerge from this period of quiet, you <br>must do exactly what has come to you. It may <br>involve dealing with a human situation. It may <br>involve starting something or quitting something. <br>Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that <br>you received in solitude, it will turn out to be <br>exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be <br>OK. And it will usually work out far better than <br>you could have imagined. Just try it and see.<p>You must learn to trust yourself. You must <br>develop the habit of listening to yourself and <br>then acting on the guidance you receive.<p>Action Exercises<br>Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.<p>First, select a specific time and place to sit <br>quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.<p>Second, take small periods of silence and <br>solitude during the day, especially when you feel <br>overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.<p>Third, take action immediately on the ideas and <br>insights you receive while in solitude. One good <br>idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-69243362189307715752008-09-09T15:20:00.000-07:002008-10-09T07:15:50.923-07:00Quotes of the Week'Vision isn't enough unless combined with venture. It's not<br>enough to stare up the steps unless we also step up the<br>stairs.'<br> -- Vance Havner<p>'It is never too late to be what we might have been.'<br> -- George Eliot<p>'Two little words that can make the difference: START NOW.'<br> -- Mary C. Crowley<p>'No mistake or failure is as bad as to stop and not try again.'<br> -- John WanamakerJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-61252737293068967442008-09-09T15:19:00.000-07:002008-10-09T07:15:41.333-07:00Over-Coming Life's Difficult ChallengesWe are incredibly resilient and ambitious<br>people who are used to setting and achieving goals in life.<br>And yet, from time to time, we all face challenges that<br>seem insurmountable, a problem we can't crack.<p>Sometimes it's a personal goal that eludes us. Sometimes we<br>are knocked down by one of life's tragedies. Sometimes we<br>face resistance or opposition to a goal that means the<br>world to us. Whatever the cause, from time to time, we all<br>face over-whelming adversity and we need a strategy for<br>dealing with it.<p>Unfortunately, two of the most common 'strategies' are to<br>give up, or to keep doing the same thing over and over,<br>hoping for a different result. I think we can do better<br>than that!<p>Here are my suggestions for a better strategy:<p>1. Acceptance<br>Reality never lies, and the first step in over-coming<br>adversity is to recognize it. Sometimes, bad things happen.<br>Sometimes our good intentions, our best efforts and our<br>brilliant ideas just don't work. Sometimes, life is hard<br>and we don't like it, and the first step forward is to<br>admit 'this isn't working'.<p>Acceptance does not mean quitting and it does not mean<br>failure. It means recognizing what IS, getting curious<br>about why our plans aren't working, and wondering what is<br>going on. Always face the truth! Sometimes we meet<br>adversity and we need to recognize and accept it when it<br>happens.<p>2. Creativity<br>Adversity is nature's way of suggesting you try something<br>else. It doesn't mean changing your goals or giving up, but<br>it does mean stepping back, asking for advice, talking with<br>a coach, brainstorming and considering a new approach.<p>I love the story of Thomas Edison trying many thousands of<br>ways to invent the light bulb! He never 'failed'; he<br>discovered thousands of solutions that didn't work! If your<br>goal is worth achieving, and what you're doing isn't<br>working, step back, think of 10 or 20 or 100 alternatives<br>and make a fresh start.<p>3. Patience and Persistence<br>There's an old saying that 'God's delays are not God's<br>denials', and it's good to remember that many problems take<br>time. Some require years to solve; a few will not be<br>mastered in a single lifetime.<p>While it's true that 'nothing can resist the human will',<br>it is also true that brute force rarely builds anything<br>beautiful. I have a friend who spent 12 years building a<br>magnificent china cabinet. How many 'over-night sensations'<br>labored for 20 years before success 'suddenly' found them?<br>The Grand Canyon is the result of nothing but running<br>water, time and persistence.<p>4. Give up<br>Some readers will be surprised by this, but sometimes we<br>cling to dreams that will never happen for us, and in our<br>stubbornness, we deny ourselves a world of success in other<br>areas. We invest too much in chasing dreams that are not<br>ours! Go where it's easy. Do what works and makes sense and<br>opens doors for you.<p>You deserve success! You were not created to beat your head<br>against a wall or to struggle up a mountain without meaning<br>or clarity. Life DOES have pain and can be horribly unfair,<br>but that is NOT the total human experience! Mother Teresa<br>said that 'God will not give me any challenge I cannot<br>bear', and we need to remember that. The adversity you<br>experience is, in some way, the raw material for something<br>greater. Find it.<p><br>Philip Humbert, PhDJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-56799683542706164932008-09-01T16:14:00.000-07:002008-09-01T16:07:39.749-07:00Have fewer reasons for Self TalkHaving less "on your mind"<p>If you've been to identify the negative self talk <br>topics, and have been keeping<br>your Boxes up-to-date, it's likely that you will be noticing that your<br>negative self talk is already less intrusive.<p>Your next step is to make things more manageable by dividing your Boxes<br>into two lists:<p>1. Action Items: Items about which you can take some form of action<br>right away.<br>2. Attitude Items: Everything else. In other words things about which<br>you cannot take action on ­ or at least cannot do so in the immediate<br>future. These require a change in how you think about them, hence<br>"Attitude Items".<p>This article is about the Action Items.<p>Procrastinating!<p>Look at your Action Items. You'll notice that they each require you to<br>do something… yet you haven't done this! You've been procrastinating:<br>avoiding, ignoring, delaying and so on. Nevertheless the topics still<br>play on your mind, even if only in the background, quietly eating away<br>at your happiness, your peace of mind, and even your vitality.<p>We procrastinate because we don't have a clear plan or are not motivated<br>enough ­ or have neither a plan nor motivation.<p>Mini Action Plans<p>Not having a clear plan is often the main reason for procrastinating.<br>For example, let's say you've been putting off painting a door for some<br>time. You've become quite expert at 'not thinking about it' yet every<br>time you look at that door you feel uneasy, embarrassed or guilty. And,<br>of course, the longer you put it off the more daunting and difficult the<br>task appears to become.<p>Well… now let's see just what the action steps are in this, by now<br>onerous, task…<p>1. Decide on the colour and the number of coats of paint the door<br>requires (Time required 10 minutes)<br>2. Decide if the surface needs to be sanded or primed (1 min)<br>3. Estimate how long the task will take and set aside that time/day (5<br>mins.)<br>4. Locate or purchase the materials (60 mins.)<br>5. Do the job on the designated day (120 mins.)<p>So the project you've been putting off for so long can be reduced to<br>just 5 steps and less than 3 ½ hours!<p>The effect of having a clear plan of action<p>Now take a moment to consider the difference that having a mini action<br>plan such as this can make.<p>Before making the plan, you had "that painting job" as a fuzzy idea in<br>your mind. A thought that you didn't want to think about, let alone do<br>something about. Now you have five distinct and clear steps, each of<br>which can be dealt with separately. You've broken it down into<br>bite-sized and manageable chunks. It's no longer daunting!<p>Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons why the NLP Outcome<br>Technique, which we explore in our NLP Core Skills course, is so<br>powerful ­ it reduces seemingly daunting tasks into manageable chunks.<br>Most items on your procrastination list won't need the full NLP Outcome<br>Technique ­ just the mini action plans ­ however, it would be good to<br>use it on any major items on your list. There is an article here NLP<br>OUTCOMES which, while not the same as learning it 'live', would be worth<br>following.<p>Action plans for your Action Items<p>Now go through your own list of Action Items and create a similar mini<br>action plan for each. It is quite important to actually *write* each<br>action plan. Trying to mentally keep track of them will simply increase<br>your negative self talk - defeating the object of the exercise!<p>Next sort your Action Items into the order in which you will actually<br>deal with them. Many people find it useful to get the little tasks out<br>of the way first since they each take less time and you can, therefore,<br>quite quickly reduce the size of your list ­ and have a lot less to self<br>talk about.<p>Next set aside a date and time in your diary/calendar for the first few<br>of these. And, finally, begin immediately by taking action on one or two<br>little items ­ just to build a momentum for taking action and reducing<br>the need for negative self talk!<p><br>© 2007 Reg Connolly -Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-7489693063838867172008-09-01T15:40:00.000-07:002008-09-01T16:07:58.818-07:00Should You Have Written Goals?Over the years, I've written a great deal about setting and<br>achieving goals. The consensus seems to be that high<br>achievers 'always' have a clear set of written goals, but I<br>don't happen to think that's true, and it may surprise you<br>that I don't believe setting goals is always a good thing.<p>Make no mistake, in most cases setting goals IS a good<br>thing. I have a variety of personal goals and I review them<br>frequently, discuss them with my wife, my coach and my<br>advisors, and I re-affirm them every morning. In general,<br>I believe most people will benefit from thoughtfully<br>selecting a handful of important goals, writing them down,<br>and going after them.<p>Here are the major advantages of written goals:<p>1. They force us to choose. Too often, we want too many<br>things and scatter our time and attention among all of<br>them. Selecting a small number of specific goals helps set<br>your priorities.<p>2. They focus our efforts. By defining exactly what you<br>are going to achieve and writing it down, vague desires or<br>wishes become concrete action plans.<p>3. Goals attract allies. When people know where we are<br>going, it's easier for them to help us. There is great<br>synergy, power and enthusiasm in a shared goal.<p>Most people, most of the time, will benefit from carefully<br>defining their goals, writing them down, developing an<br>action plan and following through.<p>There are, however, risks to setting goals and for some<br>people, setting goals can be a dangerous thing. Here are<br>the major weaknesses of written goals:<p>1. By focusing our attention on the future, goals can rob<br>us of the present. Some people get so caught up in their<br>vision, that they forget to 'smell the roses' each day.<br>John Lennon observed that 'life is what happens while you<br>are making other plans.' Don't let your dreams get in the<br>way of celebrating the present. Live each day and be<br>grateful.<p>2. Goals can prevent us from seeing even bigger, easier or<br>more vital opportunities. Like blinders on a horse, we can<br>become fixated on our goals and miss opportunities all<br>around us. Some people are so determined, so ambitious and<br>so disciplined that they forget to consider the alternatives.<p>3. Goals can become excuses. Some people set exciting<br>goals, then use their future achievements as an excuse to<br>avoid doing what they can and should do today. I've seen<br>teenagers so caught up the dream of becoming a 'rock star'<br>that they forget to study. Some adults fall into a similar trap.<p>Should you have written goals? Almost certainly. Carefully<br>selected, well-defined goals are the path to achievement,<br>fulfillment and satisfaction. But some areas of life should<br>not be 'goal oriented'. When it comes to personal integrity,<br>or spending time with loved ones, or celebrating the<br>miracles of daily life, these are not 'goals', they are<br>simply choices.<p>Have written goals, but never confuse your future<br>achievements with real life! Real life happens today. It<br>happens with the people around you, it happens right here,<br>right now. Ready or not, this is your life, and it is meant<br>to be lived to the full. Use goals; live life. Never<br>confuse the two.<p><br>Philip HumbertJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-77590631182496523822008-08-24T14:58:00.000-07:002008-08-26T11:43:55.631-07:00The Quest for Total HappinessI've been thinking about happiness. Specifically, I've been pondering <br>the keys to total<br>happiness and thinking about a wonderful book by the Dalai<br>Lama, 'The Art of Happiness'.<p>The Dalai Lama argues that, fundamentally, we all seek more<br>and greater happiness in our lives and that one of the<br>great questions in life is, 'What makes my life totally<br>fulfilled and totally happy?'<p>For many people, happiness is related to money, and<br>happiness means accumulating wealth. For them, money has<br>great value and they are motivated to work hard and<br>smarter, and to use money in ways that make them happy.<br>But there are thousands of individual differences in how<br>that works. Some make money and give it all away. Some make<br>money and hoard it, even burying it in the backyard, while<br>others invest it, and still others make a show of<br>displaying a wealth of possessions.<p>For others, happiness has little to do with money, and they<br>seek fulfillment in their creativity, or they find ultimate<br>happiness in family relationships, or by serving others.<br>There are many paths up the mountain called 'happiness'!<p>One of the most important distinctions the Dalai Lama makes<br>is between happiness and pleasure. We can all think of<br>experiences that bring us delightful pleasure but which<br>utterly fail to make us 'happy' in life. Almost everyone<br>enjoys a fine meal, perhaps with good wine, but we all<br>reject a life of gluttony and drunkenness.<p>So the question: What makes you truly happy?<p>This is a central question for the World Class Life<br>Conference next month, because in order to have a GREAT<br>life, we must first determine what it might look like. What<br>are the key pieces of a great and joyful life FOR YOU?<p>Almost 150 years ago, Henry Thoreau wrote that most people<br>'live lives of quiet desperation', and sadly, I think<br>that's still true. All our wealth and freedom, our<br>education and military power, even our access to the wisdom<br>and literature of past generations has not created a<br>society in which most people are 'happy'. Indeed, many<br>people seem to be incredibly unhappy. With all this freedom<br>to choose our destiny and create the life we truly want,<br>why aren't more people happy?<p>I think this is a vital question. It may even be THE<br>question for modern adults to ponder and answer. Given that<br>you can live almost anywhere you choose, read and learn<br>almost any skill, and have pretty much any reasonable<br>lifestyle you want, WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?<p>What are your happiest memories? What are your happiest<br>fantasies, dreams and aspirations? Who do you know who<br>seems to be truly, massively happy?<p>What makes YOU happy? At the end of life, what will allow<br>you to say, 'I did it right. I made good choices. I am<br>HAPPY with the way I lived my life!' Whatever your answer,<br>in the coming days and weeks, do more of it, and do less of<br>everything else.<p><br>Philip HumbertJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-34638126676696911112008-08-24T14:53:00.000-07:002008-08-26T11:25:42.325-07:00Using Your Inner Guidance SystemUsing Your Inner Guidance SystemYou have incredible powers of mind and emotions <br>that give you timely and accurate feedback in every area of your life.<p>In this newsletter, you learn how to "tune in" to <br>yourself so you can make the right decision in every situation.<p>Using Your Inner Guidance System<br>We know that the body has a natural bias toward <br>health and energy. It's designed to last for 100 <br>years with proper care and maintenance. When <br>something goes wrong with any part of our body, <br>we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.<p>We know that when our body is not functioning <br>smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and <br>we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor; <br>we take pills; we undergo physical therapy, <br>massage or chiropractic. We know that if we <br>ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time, <br>it could lead to something more serious.<p>How to Tell Right From Wrong<br>In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to <br>tell emotionally what's right for us and what's <br>wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us <br>physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing <br>things in the physical realm, nature gives us <br>emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not <br>doing things in the emotional or mental realm. <br>The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so <br>that if you simply listen carefully to <br>yourself­to your mind, your body and your <br>emotions­and follow the guidance you're given, <br>you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.<p>Just as the natural physical state of your body <br>is health and vitality, your natural emotional <br>state is peace and happiness. Whenever you <br>experience a deviation from peace and happiness, <br>it's an indication that something is amiss. <br>Something is wrong with what you're thinking, <br>doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness <br>is the best indicator you could ever have to tell <br>you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.<p>The Messenger<br>Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your <br>body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that <br>what you're doing is wrong for you.<p>Very often, you'll suffer from what has been <br>called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety <br>and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are <br>unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the <br>status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep. <br>Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very <br>often, you'll get upset with things that have <br>nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a <br>deep inner sense that something isn't as it <br>should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a <br>hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.<p>Divine Discontent<br>And that is a good thing. Divine discontent <br>always comes before a positive life change. If <br>you were perfectly satisfied, you would never <br>take any action to improve or change your <br>circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for <br>some reason do you have the inner motivation to <br>engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.<p>Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go <br>with the flow of your own personality. Do the <br>things that make you feel happy inside and you'll <br>probably never make another mistake.<p>Action Exercises<br>Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.<p>First, listen to yourself and trust your own <br>feelings. If there is a part of your life that <br>causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.<p>Second, identify those areas of your life where <br>you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any <br>reason. What changes should you, could you make?<p>Third, remember that nature wants you to be <br>happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any <br>deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.<p>Author: Brian TracyJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-10206631416943975632008-08-20T05:21:00.000-07:002008-08-19T08:04:16.208-07:00Quotes of the Week"You are what you think about all day long."<br> -- Dr. Robert Schuller<p>"Once you know that what you think about expands, you start<br>getting real careful about what you think about."<br> -- Wayne Dyer<p>"The way we live our days, is the way we live our lives."<br> -- Annie Dillard<p>"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a<br>big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can<br>make which, over time, add up to big differences that we<br>often cannot foresee."<br> -- Marian Wright EdelmanJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-10740504300804178942008-08-20T05:20:00.000-07:002008-08-19T08:04:24.741-07:00Tools for The Mind(tm)Recently, I saw a new set of new, high-tech cookware<br>hanging in the kitchen and made the mistake of asking how<br>much it cost. Mary lovingly reminded me that I never scrimp<br>on the cost of woodworking tools, or new computers, or a<br>new golf club. Her point is well taken. Investing in the<br>right tool for the job is always a good idea! When it comes<br>to our tools, we want the best.<p>Except. when it comes to tools for the mind.<p>Whether it's audio programs or books, or classes or<br>coaching, as a society too often we "can't afford it". How<br>many of us will invest in a new laptop, a vacation or new<br>barbeque grill (I recently bought one) but then look at the<br>cost of a book and convince ourselves that we can't afford<br>it, and if we bought it, we "wouldn't have time" to read<br>it?<p>We all know that we live in the "information age" and that<br>continuous learning is the key to the future, and yet as a<br>practical matter, we are "too busy".<p>I recently talked with a colleague who coaches real estate<br>brokers and she noted that her most productive clients<br>"constantly" listen to audio programs. She noted that "if a<br>person will not (listen to tapes), I don't think they are<br>coachable. Listening to tapes is the LEAST they can do to<br>increase their income potential. If they won't do that, I<br>won't coach them."<p>I agree.<p>We all have areas where we MUST improve our performance.<br>Whether the challenge is in our careers, our families, our<br>fitness, communication skills or a hobby, staying where we<br>are is no longer an option. The world is moving too quickly<br>and changing too fast. We must improve our skills on a<br>daily basis.<p>Fortunately, this is not difficult. What's difficult is<br>finding time to DO more stuff, but I am not talking about<br>that. In fact, my point is that we should be doing LESS,<br>but doing it better, smarter and with more joy. Too often,<br>we confuse activity with productivity, and they are NOT the<br>same thing!<p>There is a old story that one of Henry Ford's early<br>production lines broke down and after his staff had tried<br>everything they could think of to fix it, he called a<br>specialist, who found the problem and fixed it in a few<br>minutes. Later, he sent Ford a bill for $10,000, which was<br>a fortune at that time.<p>Ford refused to pay it, claiming it was far too much for<br>ten minute's work, so the specialist revised his bill to<br>read, "Repairs, $10. Knowing HOW to do the repair, $9,990."<br>Ford quickly paid the bill.<p>Knowing what to do, when and how to do it, pays off!<p>One of the great ironies of our age is that for the first<br>time in history, survival is rarely a question. We have<br>food, clothing and shelter in abundance and are free to<br>spend our time pursuing other things. The question becomes,<br>what will you do with your one and only, marvelous life?<br>Will you collect things, or memories? Will you pursue more<br>and better "stuff", or a better life?<p>In Thomas Leonard's memorable phrase, the choice is between<br>creating a life or building a lifestyle.<p>Author: Philip HumbertJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-82312845775316515862008-08-05T07:16:00.000-07:002008-08-05T08:02:04.629-07:00Using Your Inner Guidance SystemWe know that the body has a natural bias toward <br>health and energy. It's designed to last for 100 <br>years with proper care and maintenance. When <br>something goes wrong with any part of our body, <br>we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.<p>We know that when our body is not functioning <br>smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and <br>we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor; <br>we take pills; we undergo physical therapy, <br>massage or chiropractic. We know that if we <br>ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time, <br>it could lead to something more serious.<p>I hope you are as excited as I am about the <br>possibilities of superfast reading with <br>PhotoReading. If you haven't ordered, please do <br>today. This is the best way to get through the <br>top business books of today such as <br>"Freakonomics," "Good to Great," "The Tipping <br>Point," "Blink," "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," and of <br>course, my books "The Power of Charm" and "Focal <br>Point"… which you probably bought but haven't read!!<p>With PhotoReading you learn how to process and <br>understand any book at least three times faster <br>than you can now… handle incoming mail and email <br>swiftly and promptly… make informed decisions <br>with every piece of printed material… be more <br>relaxed and confident when reading… gain more <br>pleasure from pleasure reading. This is something <br>you will even want to share with your entire family.<p>How to Tell Right From Wrong<br>In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to <br>tell emotionally what's right for us and what's <br>wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us <br>physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing <br>things in the physical realm, nature gives us <br>emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not <br>doing things in the emotional or mental realm. <br>The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so <br>that if you simply listen carefully to <br>yourself­to your mind, your body and your <br>emotions­and follow the guidance you're given, <br>you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.<p>Just as the natural physical state of your body <br>is health and vitality, your natural emotional <br>state is peace and happiness. Whenever you <br>experience a deviation from peace and happiness, <br>it's an indication that something is amiss. <br>Something is wrong with what you're thinking, <br>doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness <br>is the best indicator you could ever have to tell <br>you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.<p>The Messenger<br>Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your <br>body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that <br>what you're doing is wrong for you.<p>Very often, you'll suffer from what has been <br>called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety <br>and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are <br>unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the <br>status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep. <br>Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very <br>often, you'll get upset with things that have <br>nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a <br>deep inner sense that something isn't as it <br>should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a <br>hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.<p>Divine Discontent<br>And that is a good thing. Divine discontent <br>always comes before a positive life change. If <br>you were perfectly satisfied, you would never <br>take any action to improve or change your <br>circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for <br>some reason do you have the inner motivation to <br>engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.<p>Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go <br>with the flow of your own personality. Do the <br>things that make you feel happy inside and you'll <br>probably never make another mistake.<p>Action Exercises<br>Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.<p>First, listen to yourself and trust your own <br>feelings. If there is a part of your life that <br>causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.<p>Second, identify those areas of your life where <br>you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any <br>reason. What changes should you, could you make?<p>Third, remember that nature wants you to be <br>happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any <br>deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.<p>By: Brian TracyJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-14457713698021105312008-07-31T19:35:00.000-07:002008-07-31T20:17:47.053-07:00You'll be Judged by Your VoiceFrom its earliest days the Net has been home to a rich variety of <br>voices. Never before have regular people had the means to communicate <br>their views to such a large and diverse audience. In fact, before the <br>Net came along, the power to publish lay in the hands of a few <br>powerful media companies alone. The best that you or I could hope for <br>was to find that our letter to the editor had made the cut.<p>The technology of the Net allowed anyone and everyone to publish <br>their views. From Usenet, to The Well, to a choice of thousands of <br>discussion lists and groups - millions of people discovered the joys <br>of raising their voices online.<p>Within this new culture, a premium was placed on voices that had a <br>unique and authentic character. That was how people stood out within <br>a text-based environment. No graphics. Nothing to see. Just words. <br>And the words that spread furthest were the words that carried the <br>unmistakable ring of an interesting voice.<p>The voices that attracted the widest or most attentive audiences did <br>so not by being loud, but by being interesting. And even being <br>interesting wasn't enough. There are lots of people out there with <br>interesting things to say. In addition, you needed to write in a way <br>that engaged the attention of your readers and always rang true.<p>This all happened before commerce came to the Web. And during that <br>period, people developed an uncommon sensitivity to voice online.<p>When commerce finally came to the Web, the writers or copywriters who <br>were responsible for writing commercial sites, emails and newsletters <br>failed to tap into the unique touch and flavor of online writing. <br>Instead, they simply borrowed their writing styles from what they <br>knew best - print and broadcast media.<p>And even today, companies online still don't get it. They still write <br>their online text in the slick, corporate style of offline writing. <br>The text of ecommerce has no character, no humanity, no recognizable voice.<p>This is a problem because your prospects and customers are quick to <br>ignore and skip over 'dead' text - wherever they see it.<p>To illustrate the point, here are two ways of talking about the new <br>Apple iBook laptop computer.<p>First, here's how Apple pitches it on their site:<p>The first thing you'll notice is that the iBook weighs just 4.9 <br>pounds - almost 2 pounds lighter than before. You'll also note that <br>this iBook is appreciably smaller: just 11.2 inches wide, 9.1 inches <br>deep and 1.35 inches thick. The perfect size and shape to fit in your <br>backpack or briefcase. Fact is, the new iBook is designed to fit your <br>life. Fortunately, it's priced so you can still afford to have one. <br>Starting at $1,299.<p>With iMovie, iTunes and iTools, the new iBook is designed to work and <br>play with your digital tools and toys. Fact is, the iBook adds <br>fun-filled new dimensions to your MP3 player, music CD collection, <br>digital camera, DV camcorder and personal digital assistant. Your <br>iBook is right there at the center of it.<p>We'll forgive the writer for starting two sentences in the same way <br>with 'Fact is,'. A minor point.<p>But more telling is the construction and rhythm of the text. Take a <br>look at the four sentences at the end of the first paragraph.<p>The perfect size and shape to fit in your backpack or briefcase. Fact <br>is, the new iBook is designed to fit your life. Fortunately, it's <br>priced so you can still afford to have one. Starting at $1,299.<p>The first sentence has 12 words. The second has 11 words. The third <br>has 11. And the fourth and final sentence has just 3 words.<p>In other words, you get three sentences of equal weight and emphasis <br>followed by a very short, final sentence that places focus on the <br>price, and closes the paragraph on a high note. If you get my drift.<p>What's the big deal? The construction of the copy reeks of <br>'professional ad writer'. That's how you write for a print ad or a <br>catalogue. The construction is too measured, the voice too <br>commercial. The style is from the offline world where, as a customer, <br>you're meant simply to pay attention and listen to the message.<p>By way of comparison, here is an excerpt from an iBook review at <a href="http://epinions.com">epinions.com</a>:<p>The first iBook was, like the first iMac, trying to make too radical <br>of a statement. The monstrosity weighed in at nearly 7 pounds. When <br>opened, it looked like an orange toilet seat. When closed, it looked <br>like a Hello Kitty purse (especially with that handle!). The colors <br>Apple picked made it look like a toy more than anything else. It was <br>underpowered and, despite Apple's greatest efforts, it was still <br>overpriced. The original iBook became sort of the odd little runt in <br>Apple's line - like the ugly duckling - and it sold like that too.<p>Well today is the day the little duckling turns into a beautiful <br>swan, and BOY whadda swan it is!<p>True, Apple probably wouldn't have the nerve to publish text like <br>this - however right the reviewer may be.<p>But it's not really the content I'm talking about. It's the voice and <br>the construction - or lack of construction - of the text. This iBook <br>reviewer writes pretty well, but the text isn't 'self-aware' or <br>'self-indulgent'. The voice is normal. It's from a regular person <br>with an interesting opinion.<p>The text has a strong character that is individual, not commercial.<p>And that's pretty much what I'm talking about. Real voices online <br>have character. And for that character to ring true in the online <br>environment, it has to be authentic, interesting and human. That's <br>why the 'toilet-seat' intro to the new iBook is so much more <br>compelling and powerful than the Apple version.<p>The voice fits with how real people communicate online in a way that <br>'commercial' writing never can.<p>And that's a good reason for us all to review our own sites, emails <br>and newsletters - and check for the power and authenticity of our voices.<p>Yes, online writers can still be 'professional'. But those <br>professionals, myself included, have to relearn how we write. We <br>can't write for print. We have to write for the online environment.<p>We have to learn to write with a voice that is true to our clients, <br>true to their customers and true to the culture of communicating <br>online. (And, of course, true to ourselves.)<p>*Nick Usborne speaks, writes, and consults on strategic copy issues <br>for business online.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-79175002005304936442008-07-31T19:23:00.000-07:002008-07-31T20:17:38.575-07:00Acceptance<<a href="http://www.motivationalquotes.com/cgi-bin/db/db.cgi?db=db&uid=default&ID=&Quote=&Author=&Source=&Prayer=&Affirmation=&Keywords=acceptance&keyword=&mh=25&sb=---&so=asc&view_records=View+Records">http://www.motivationalquotes.com/cgi-bin/db/db.cgi?db=db&uid=default&ID=&Quote=&Author=&Source=&Prayer=&Affirmation=&Keywords=acceptance&keyword=&mh=25&sb=---&so=asc&view_records=View+Records</a>>Acceptance<p>Character Traits of Extraordinary Leaders<br>by <<a href="http://www.madeforsuccess.com/">http://www.madeforsuccess.com/</a>>Chris Widener<p>The success of every organization rests on the foundation of <br>leadership. A group of people, whether a business, organization, <br>family or society, can only go as far as leadership will take it.<p>Some people do not believe that they are leaders or even that they <br>can be a leader. I believe that every person is a leader in at least <br>one situation.<p>Maybe you aren't a leader at work but you are in your family or as <br>the soccer coach of the little league team. Somewhere you are <br>leading. That brings me to my final point before today's specific <br>topic. Here is my working definition of leadership: INFLUENCE. <br>Nothing more, nothing less. So as you are reading this understand <br>that I am giving you these thoughts in order to help you influence as <br>many people and in the most effective way possible<p>When people make a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) to <br>follow your leadership, they do it primarily because of one of two <br>things: Your Character or your Skills. They want to know if you are <br>the kind of person they want to follow and if you have the skills to <br>take them further. Yes, there are other variables but these are the <br>bulk of the matter. This week we focus on the kind of character that <br>causes people to follow your leadership.<p>1. Integrity. Integrity is that you do what you say you will. You are <br>trust worthy. People can rely on you. You keep your promises. The one <br>thing that will most keep people from following you is if they can't <br>know for sure if you will actually take them where you say you will. <br>Are you known as a person of integrity? If so, you will become an <br>Extraordinary Leader!<p>2. Optimistic. People don't want to follow others who think the <br>future is bad! They want to follow those who can see the future and <br>let them know that there is a better place and that they can get them <br>there! Do you see the cup as half empty? Then you are a pessimist. Do <br>you see it as half full? Then you are an optimist. Do you see it as <br>totally full - half air and half water? Then you are a Super <br>Optimist! Are you known as an optimist? If so, you will become an <br>Extraordinary Leader!<p>3. Embraces Change. Leaders are the ones who will see the need for <br>change and willingly embrace it. Followers will at first desire to <br>stay where they are. Leaders need to see the benefits of change and <br>communicate them to followers. If you don't change, you won't grow! <br>Are you known as a person who embraces change? If so, you will become <br>an Extraordinary Leader!<p>4. Risk Taker. Whenever we try something new, we are taking a risk. <br>That is part of growing though and it is imperative. Most people are <br>risk averse. Not the leader! They calculate the risk and what is to <br>be gained from taking the risk. Then they communicate that to the <br>followers and away they go to a better tomorrow! Are you known as a <br>person who is willing to take risks? If so, you will become an <br>Extraordinary Leader!<p>5. Tenacious. The tendency of the follower is to quit when the going <br>gets tough. Two or three tries and their motto becomes "If at first <br>you don't succeed, give up and try something else." Not the leader! <br>They know what good lies beyond this brick wall and they will go and <br>get it. Then they will bring others with them! Are you known as a <br>person who is tenacious? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!<p>6. Catalytic. A leader is ultimately one who gets people going. They <br>are able to move others out of their comfort zone and on toward the <br>goal! They can raise the passion, enthusiasm and the ACTION of those <br>who would follow. Are you known as a catalyst? If so, you will become <br>an Extraordinary Leader!<p>7. Dedicated/Committed. Followers want people who are more devoted <br>and committed then themselves. At the first sign of lack of <br>commitment, followers scatter for the doors. If the leader sees the <br>end and is bailing out, they better get out first. Followers follow <br>those who will stick it out because they see the importance of the <br>task and the goal. Are you known as a person who is committed and <br>devoted to the goal? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!<p>Imagine a sad pencil that wants all the pens of the world to <br>acknowledge its handsome lines, but it can't win its way! So, it <br>decides not to be a pencil any more. And while one end of this pained <br>pencil concocts ways to change itself into something that is no <br>longer a lead-filled stick, in the end - by the very need it has to <br>dream such dreams to escape itself - it remains a pencil.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-84849141942262686852008-07-31T06:50:00.000-07:002008-07-31T06:55:36.461-07:00Quote: Whatever you haveWhatever you have, spend less.<br> - Samuel JohnsonJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-78361503037494010102008-07-31T06:49:00.000-07:002008-07-31T06:55:32.329-07:00Influence and MotivationI was helping to enhance the effectiveness of a sales presentation <br>for a division of a Fortune 500 company this week. Lots of fun and <br>filled with some real "aha" experiences...<p>In just a moment I'm going to show you how to motivate people. Very <br>few people have the ability to motivate others to do anything because <br>people who have evolved to becoming agents of change haven't <br>discovered the lens with which you MUST view each person.<p>As you read the story, don't forget the message...and then...record <br>the analysis for your every day reminder...<p>Imagine:<p>Someone goes to work five days per week. They "punch in" at 9 and <br>"out" at "5." By an entrepreneur's standards, those are pretty wimpy <br>hours...OK, really wimpy hours. Then it dawned on me that most people <br>who do the "punch in" and "9-5" have to punch in because otherwise no <br>one would know they were there. In other words, it's sort of like <br>wearing an ankle bracelet when you are released from jail and <br>required to be at a certain place at a certain time and no where else.<p>As time passes the individual becomes like the hamster in the wheel. <br>Each day like the last and very predictive of the future.<p>When you say "job" the person immediately thinks of THEIR experience. <br>When you say "work" they think of THEIR OWN "work" or place of <br>employment. After a few months, and then a few years the person <br>becomes dependent on the job, the company,<p>...the wheel. They almost become a hamster....<p>Take away the wheel and the hamster freaks out.<p><br>[4] Tinnitus, Pain and Visual Delusions: Repairing Perception Problems<p>You may hear it (tinnitus), or know someone who does, feel it (pain), <br>see it (visual delusions). But you don't have permanently live with <br>these experiences!<p>12 years ago I woke up with tinnitus. 70-80 dB of h*ll. Talking with <br>a dozen doctors and reading tons of medical literature boiled down to <br>one thing: You are stuck with it. Get used to it.<p>Not possible. There was NO way I could live with the jet engine 24/7. <br>In addition to medications and a whole slew of lifestyle changes, I <br>started studying the brain. I got caught up by buying every textbook <br>I could find on neurology, psychobiology and neurobiology.<p>I'll tell you one thing: We know 100 times more about the brain today <br>than we did 12 years ago, but...the doctors still tell people there <br>is nothing that can be done.<p>They tell that to people who taste metal, see delusions, have <br>schizophrenia (paranoia w/delusions), feel chronic pain and have the <br>nightmare of them all: tinnitus. And they are wrong.<p><br>Kevin HoganJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-31446005719805944792008-07-31T06:36:00.000-07:002008-07-31T06:55:27.321-07:00The People Behind Technique and Strategyby Kevin Hogan<p>You can know all the techniques, strategies and mental linguistics on <br>the planet...but...if you aren't a person of influence you haven't <br>got a chance.<br>Similarly you can be a person of influence but your client quite <br>simply might not be motivated to change. (at least not yet!)<p>Let's look at both of the people in the process and find out what <br>kind of a person a person of influence is...then find out what your <br>client must feel about you to best be motivated by you....<p>First: What is influence? It's a process where one person motivates <br>another person to change something.<p>Let's look at just what it takes to motivate that person and who the <br>person of influence needs to be to accomplish persuasion.<p>Just who is the person of influence?<p>Who is the great salesman, the great therapist, the great lover, the <br>great President, the great you get the idea....<p>There are a number of qualities and characteristics that are crucial <br>to success in persuasion and influence...in every usage from therapy <br>to selling. Above all else is one characteristic that dwarfs all of the rest...<p>Empathy.<p>*Nothing* is more important than empathy for someone who wants to <br>motivate others to change. What is empathy? It's the ability to <br>feel...to understand...to walk a mile in their shoes...Empathy means <br>that you can *feel* and see life from the perspective of the other <br>person. If and when you can do that...you can be influential. If you <br>can't you will only be able to "close a percentage" or get lucky now <br>and then. You can know all the techniques on the planet but if you <br>can't feel their pain you will never truly be a great salesman, a <br>great communicator, a powerful person of influence.<p>***You walk into the hospital, see your loved one with the I V in <br>their arm. You paste a smile on your face but they know it hurts you <br>as much as it does them. That's empathy.<p>***Your child is home sick from school. You feel as bad for them as they feel.<p>***You see the result of their bad decisions and the pain of the <br>future they now face. You feel it too.<p>When I think of empathy I think of people like former President <br>Clinton. (gasp!) He has far more empathy than most people in the <br>public eye. Politics aside, when you watched Clinton with people, you <br>sensed he could really be in that person's shoes...and he was.<p>That means he has the capacity to identify and feel what others are <br>feeling at this moment. People of great empathy have three common traits.<p>* They have experienced pain first hand.<br>* They have a wide range of experiences with all kinds of other people.<br>* They are validated and feel good based upon the approval of others.<p>I saw a book on the shelf today at B & N. It was called "Disease to <br>Please." I didn't pick it up. Why? The person doesn't get it. (Just <br>like the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. It's All Small <br>Stuff.") The book might be helpful but the *title* spreads a very bad <br>ideavirus.<p>In a broad sense, the ideal life is about two things. Giving and <br>receiving pleasure. (Pleasure broadly means anything that is good.) <br>Take away one of the two (giving or receiving) from the person and <br>you have a half of a person...<p>Take away the giving part, and in the vernacular, you have a jerk....<p>I'll bet a nickel the author of "Disease to Please" will tell the <br>reader that the reason people are unhappy and unsatisfied is that <br>they are trying to please other people at their own expense. (And <br>that might be a fact.) The possible solution might be proposed to <br>*stop* trying to please others and start doing what the reader has <br>never done perhaps...please themselves.<p>Problem.<p>As soon as the person stops being helpful, kind, loving, supportive, <br>nurturing to others they lose the other half of who they were. The <br>half of them that IS powerful and useful.<p>The real solution obviously is to always be supportive, kind and <br>helpful. And then to be supportive, kind and helpful to yourself as <br>well. (It requires no more time or effort. A simple set of choices.) <br>Then instead of becoming a jerk they becomes a complete <br>person...and...a person capable of powerful influence...which means <br>they are only one step away from success at any level they choose.<p>The influential person has a strong desire to please... and if they <br>are going to be influential that extends to the desire to help (for <br>both altruistic and selfish purposes) others be happy, feel better, <br>and be useful as a human. This desire to help, to create value, to <br>love will often be paired with some kind of pain and no one should <br>tell this person to try and squelch the feelings of being rebuffed, <br>rejected or hurt. That IS the healthy and normal response. These are <br>the feelings that generate the empathic response.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-44877401108488364552008-07-31T06:29:00.000-07:002008-07-31T06:55:05.227-07:00Master Your Mindby Paul J. Meyer<p> Achievers set goals, are dedicated to reaching them,<br> concentrate on strengths and minimize weaknesses. They<br> continuously step up their courage, pride, determination<br> and confidence, all the while keeping their achievements<br> in perspective. In combination, these qualities make up<br> the achiever's attitude, the overall frame of mind that<br> enables people to become successful in all areas of life.<p> An achiever's attitude is essential to reaching goals and<br> fulfilling dreams. Through practice and repetition, you<br> can develop positive habits of thinking. Your mind<br> believes what you tell it, and your body receives direction<br> from your mind. Tell yourself constantly that you can do<br> something, and you will.<p> Master your mind with these suggestions:<p> Focus On Your Goals<br> When you have sufficient desire to reach the top, you<br> gain the determination, courage, pride and willingness<br> necessary to exert the effort to overcome obstacles that<br> stand between you and your goals.<p> Exert Self-Control<br> Many people panic when they make a few mistakes.<br> Achievers look forward­not backward. They keep<br> their mind focused on their goals and possess mental<br> toughness, never letting their emotions disrupt<br> performance.<p> Be Teachable<br> Achievers realize they do not know everything there is<br> to know. They know they can always improve, no matter<br> how good they are. They welcome constructive criticism<br> and pursue suggestions from others to reach even higher<br> levels of expertise and excellence.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-37741132374000053262008-07-29T21:09:00.000-07:002008-07-30T11:26:20.926-07:00Paraphrase Your Customer's WordsThe customer is only sure that you have been listening when you <br>paraphrase what the prospect has said and feed it back in your own <br>words. This is where the rubber meets the road in effective <br>listening. This is where you demonstrate in no uncertain terms to the <br>prospect that your listening has been real and sincere. This is where <br>you show the prospect that you were paying complete attention to what <br>he or she was saying. Paraphrasing is how you prove it.<p>Question for Clarification<br>When the prospect has finished explaining his or her situation to <br>you, and you have paused, and then questioned for clarification, you <br>paraphrase the prospects primary thoughts and concerns, and feed them <br>back to him or her in your own words.<p>Use the Right Words<br>For example, you might say, "Let me make sure I understand exactly <br>what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are concerned about two <br>things more than anything else, and that in the past you have had a <br>couple of experiences that have made you very careful in approaching <br>a decision of this kind."<p>Feed it Back Accurately<br>You then go on to feed back to the prospect exactly what he or she <br>has told you, pausing and questioning for clarification as you go, <br>until the customer says words to the effect of, "Yes, that's it! <br>You've got it exactly."<p>Earn the Right to Sell<br>Only when you and the customer completed a thorough "examination" and <br>have mutually agreed on the "diagnosis" you are in a position to <br>begin talking to the customer about your product or service. In <br>general terms, this means that you can not pull out your brochures <br>and price lists and begin telling the customer how your product or <br>service can solve his problems or achieve his goals until about <br>seventy percent of the way through the sales conversation. Until <br>then, you have not yet earned the right. Until then, you don't even <br>know enough to begin an intelligent presentation without embarrassing <br>yourself.<p>Be a Good Listener<br>The more and better you listen, the more and better people will like <br>you, trust you and want to do business with you. The more they will <br>want to get involved with you as a person and the more popular you <br>will be with them. Excellent listeners are welcome everywhere, in <br>every walk of life, and they eventually and ultimately arrive at the <br>top of their fields.<p>Action Exercises<br>Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.<p>First, remember that your first job in the sale is to get the <br>customer to like you and believe that you understand his situation. <br>Paraphrasing is the way you accomplish this.<p>Second, be sure that the customer agrees with you completely when you <br>feed back his concerns to him. Only then can you really start selling.<p>Brian TracyJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-74679336843231616412008-07-29T21:06:00.000-07:002008-07-30T11:26:17.657-07:00Making your goalsQuantifying your goals can be a long process. <br>You'll have to gather a lot more information <br>before you're ready to set specific targets. <br>Eventually, you'll probably want to put those <br>goals together in the form of a business plan.<p>But before we move on to the process of getting <br>that information, let's take a look at some of <br>the guidelines you should follow when quantifying your goals:<p>* Be specific ­ establish targets that can be <br>easily measured, and use numbers as targets <br>whenever possible. For example, you may set a <br>goal of selling your goods or services across a <br>particular number of counties or states, having a <br>certain number of employees, or reaching a <br>particular level of sales. Tie those numbers to <br>specific time frames (within six months, within <br>two years, within 10 years, etc.).<p>* Be realistic ­ having high expectations is <br>great, but make sure that you establish targets <br>that are reasonable and potentially achievable. <br>If you're opening a fast-food restaurant, to say <br>that you want to be bigger than McDonald's within six months is not realistic.<p>* Be aggressive ­ you can be realistic and still <br>aim high. Don't set goals that are too easily <br>achieved; also, set both short-term and long-term <br>goals. If, after six months in business, you <br>accomplish all of your goals, then what? Don't <br>sell yourself short; if you want to be bigger <br>than McDonald's within 20 years, go for it.<p>* Be consistent ­ Beware of inadvertently setting <br>inconsistent goals. For example, a goal of <br>growing fast enough to have three employees <br>within two years might be inconsistent with a <br>goal of earning a particular amount of money if <br>the cost of adding the employees ends up <br>temporarily reducing your income below the target <br>level. There is nothing wrong with having both <br>goals. Just be aware that the potential conflict <br>exists, and establish priorities among your goals <br>so that you'll know which ones are most important to you.<p>In developing your goals and objectives, you <br>should be specific where achievements can be <br>measured. Normally you would have a numbered list <br>of a few selected objectives. Keep your list to <br>about ten, because long lists make it hard to focus.<p>Making your goals concrete is the best way, <br>possibly the only way, to tell when you've <br>achieved them. Your chance of implementation <br>depends on your being able to track progress <br>toward goals and measure results, and <br>implementation is critical. Set measurable <br>objectives such as sales or sales growth, profits <br>or profitability, market share as published by an <br>objective and accessible source, gross margin as percent of sales, for example.<p>Avoid listing vague goals that can't be tracked. <br>Where general or intangible goals are important <br>to your business, find a way to make them <br>specific. For example, if customer satisfaction <br>is a priority, put your objectives in terms of <br>percent of returns, specific numbers of <br>complaints, or letters of praise, or some other <br>measure related to satisfaction. If image or <br>awareness is a priority, include a survey to <br>measure the change in percentages in your plan. <br>You can build a customer satisfaction survey into <br>your plan, set the sample size and satisfaction <br>scores you want to achieve, then carry out the survey to check on success.<p>Since you deal with products, you might watch <br>gross margin or unit sales, so you should set <br>objectives for these key factors. If you are a <br>distribution company, for example, then you will <br>also want to focus on tight management of <br>logistics, working capital, and personnel costs. <br>If you are a publisher, then you might focus on <br>product quality, titles, or marketing. This <br>obviously depends on your type of business.<p>About the Author:<br>Brian Hazelgren is a globally recognized expert <br>in business planning, strategic planning, <br>infrastructure development, training, sales and operations.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-79893521224721684272008-07-29T20:58:00.000-07:002008-07-30T11:25:59.395-07:00NegotiationSuppose you've just finished your business presentation and your <br>prospect resists your<br>offer. For example, let's say that your prospect tells you she <br>doesn't have the time<br>to do your business. What do you say?<p>Give up?<p>Here is a simple language formula for increasing your closing ratio <br>by 40% when you<br>get resistance at the end of a presentation:<p>Step 1. Agree<br>Step 2. Listen<br>Step 3. Probe<br>Step 4. Create Disagreement<br>Step 5. Solution<p>Here's how it might play out:<br>Prospect: 'Thanks for showing me your program but I just don't have <br>the time to add anything to my<br>schedule right now.'<p>You: (Agree) 'Hey, no problem. I think you ought to pass on having a <br>part-time business that<br>doesn't fit within your present schedule.'<p>You: (Listen)<br>Prospect: 'I like your program though. It's just the time thing you see.'<p>You: (Probe) 'What do you like about the program?'<p>Prospect: 'Well, it looks like you have some really great products <br>and they could help a lot of people.<br>I've always wanted to have my own business and this one looks pretty good.'<p>You: (Create Disagreement) 'But you're not really serious about <br>having your own business are you?'<p>Prospect: 'Actually, I am. I know I'd be good at running my own <br>business. I'm very motivated to<br>make money and work for myself.'<p>You: (Offer Solution) 'May I make a suggestion?<p>('Yes') Why don't we get you started on a very limited schedule--one <br>you would feel totally<br>comfortable with. As your income grows, you can always add more <br>hours. That way it won't conflict<br>with your present schedule. How does that sound?'<p>Prospect: 'Yeah, I could handle that.'<br>Cha ching!<p>Author: Hilton JohnsonJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-90606830501625913552008-07-28T07:51:00.000-07:002008-07-28T07:52:31.331-07:00CHANGE YOUR LIFE...WITH NLPThink about the following question:<br>What stops you from having the things in life you want...or want more of?<br>Did you answer money?... time?... my boss, mother, father, partner?... <br>fate?... bad luck? What is interesting about these answers is that the <br>cause is external to you and outside of your direct control.<p>In order to understand how you can influence your external world, you need <br>to understand how your thinking affects your internal world. NLP (Neuro <br>Linguistic Programming) is the most useful approach we know for doing this.<p>THE CONSCIOUS MIND<p>Why should we bother to "think positively?" Based on much published <br>information, many people have benefited from positive thinking. And those <br>of us who have consciously tried it have found it to be worthwhile. But how <br>does it work--and how much of the success of positive thinking is a result <br>of the Conscious mind?<p>You may already know your conscious awareness has a restricted capacity for <br>retaining information. Research has shown we can hold 7 plus or minus 2 <br>chunks of information in awareness at any one time. Techniques for helping <br>people with their memory often vary the size of the chunks, or find ways to <br>link small chunks into one larger chunk to allow more memory capacity. This <br>is why telephone numbers are broken into three and four digit sections.<p>THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND<p>So what else is happening behind the 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of <br>information in our conscious thinking? What organises our heartbeat, our <br>digestion, our response to outside temperature? What allows us to drive our <br>car without having to think about it? What receives literally billions of <br>pieces of external information, and processes them with no effort?<p>Psychologists refer to this part of the mind as the Unconscious, or more <br>accurately, the Other-Than-Conscious, because it is far from unconscious. <br>It is awake and active even when we are asleep. Doctors were surprised to <br>discover that, under hypnosis, patients who had been anaesthetised were <br>able to recall every word said in the operating theatre. One part of their <br>mind was obviously fully aware of what was going on!<p>The brain looks after thousands of functions in the body every moment, and <br>can handle astronomic amounts of information. What is most impressive is it <br>can do all of these things at the same time without any need for conscious <br>control. And fortunately, it never forgets how.<p>The Unconscious responds to every external stimuli, and every thought. Each <br>response sets off a chemical reaction which is sent to the rest of the <br>body. Therefore WHAT we think takes on a vital significance. The <br>Unconscious is like a good assistant, and basically it will do what you <br>tell it. But what exactly are you telling it to do?<p>You may say, "I deserve the very best," but if in your Unconscious the <br>message is being countered with,"You?...You'll never amount to anything," <br>what is going to be the result?<p>Unless you stop and think about it, you will be unaware of the Unconscious <br>thought. All that you will probably be aware of is a slight sense of unease <br>or something not being quite right An internal conflict may result and this <br>will lead to incongruent behaviour. This explains why saying an <br>affirmation, or positive statement about yourself, sometimes does not work.<p>NLP has techniques and strategies to help you become fully congruent. <br>Congruence is when you align your mind and behaviour behind positive <br>thoughts so there is total commitment to achieving an outcome. This is <br>important because as Anthony Robbins says, "It is in your moments of <br>decision that your destiny is shaped." A good way to experience congruence <br>is to utilise past positive experiences and incorporate these into present <br>behaviour. The result is new and empowered ways of thinking.<p>We each have ten billion neurons (brain cells). And there are more <br>potential simultaneous connections between neurons than there are atoms in <br>the known universe. Yes, you may need to read that again! This means we <br>have an almost infinite capacity for creativity and problem solving. As <br>Einstein pointed out, the ONLY way we limit ourselves is by not fully <br>utilising this amazing gift. NLP is designed to help us access more <br>neurological pathways and thereby create more choice in our life.<p><br>by PENNY TOMPKINS AND JAMES LAWLEY<br>NLP Consultants to Business and IndividualsJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-92052671514011804412008-07-27T10:30:00.000-07:002008-07-27T10:47:33.805-07:00Your Old Self Will Not Go QuietlyYour old self will not just disappear it will take work on your<br>part. You did not become the person you are overnight and you<br>will certainly not change that person in one day, but please<br>understand that you can change and you do have all the tools<br>When your old self rears its ugly head and it doesn't fit in<br>with the new you that you have pictured, release that old self,<br>focuses on the new person you want to become, see the vision in<br>your head and write down all the things you see yourself<br>changing as they progress before your eyes.<p>You should keep a progress report on the most importants one and<br>that's the ones that have the great and strongest feeling that<br>burning desire, reason for beliveing in what they do and<br>continuing on in this path to become the person that you so long<br>to be! Now you can go about to make the things happen. Practice<br>them every day until they become the new habits and are built~<br>in your new self that is becoming easier and easier to see for<br>you and everyone else also.<p>Your old self will fight you every step of the way, if you<br>continue to see the prize, or the pot of gold at the end<br>rainbow, you will continue to make major strides at the perfect<br>you, you are becoming. You must read and Listen, Listen; Listen<br>to positive tapes and read, all the positive books on bettering<br>yourself you can! Remember you where born to win and God has<br>given you all the tools you need to succeed!<p>You just need to develop them and work with the tools that you<br>do have that are strong and slowly develop the ones you want in<br>your future,one by one until they are all developed into the<br>Perfect you! Now do you see the picture of how it all works? See<br>the person, feel the new you forming inside of you, continue to<br>focus on putting your old self to rest and becoming the new you<br>that you want to be! Some days will absolutely fly by and it<br>will be very easy to see the new you, others will drag and seem<br>to go on forever, when this happens YOU, MUST STAY POSITIVE!<p>(THIS IS NOT AN OTPION, IT'S A MUST!)<p>Don't let your old self get the best of you, with the right<br>attitude and being focused it will become easier and easier to<br>see, feel, touch, your future, and then realize that the future<br>is now, there may be no tomorrow's! Keep your nose to the grind<br>stone you are making progress and things are changing you will<br>see the positive effect in days! Don't wait on tomorrow, because<br>it may never come.<p>Work on the day you have, that way you don't waste valuable<br>time. Live in the here and now, believe that you can change and<br>you will! You control your reality and yes you can make all your<br>dreams come true, by seeing them instead of wanting them, want<br>nothing and see where you need to get to. It is a place that is<br>within your reach!<p>That can be attained by you putting it in your mind, on the task<br>of seeing yourself as the person you would like to become and<br>never letting that image out of your mind.<p>(HOLD ON TO IT FIRMLY!)<p>Remember that you can become the person you want, you can put<br>the old self to rest and become the "Perfect You," I know you<br>can be!<p>(YOU MUST HAVE THE I WILL POWER!)<p>I know what you are thinking here, yes I mean will power, but<br>more in the sense that you need to change the way you look at<br>things, if you always saw the glass as half empty, now try and<br>imagine what it would be like to see the glass as half full.<p>(GO AHEAD, TRY IT!)<p>What I am getting at here is, you need a new outlook on life<br>"The I Will Power" This is the type of power that can never be<br>measured by science or any human being. Yes, you possess such<br>power and you need to learn how to find it and use this inner<br>strength to achieve all your hopes and dreams. The I Will Power<br>is the stuff that changes lives and makes your dreams become<br>true!<p>You don't need to find a genie in the bottle, if you have the I<br>Will Power, you don't need the magic spell or the tooth fairy!<br>You control your own destiny, so set your dreams in overdrive<br>and see yourself as the I can king, The I can become whatever I<br>see myself as king and you really and truly can! I don't think I<br>know, with dedication and hard work the dream can become a<br>reality. You can have anything you can imagine if you will only<br>dare to believe that it can be so.<p>(YOU MUST FIRST IMAGINE IT TO BE!)<p>First think about it, then start to come up with a plan of<br>attack, don't get down if everything doesn't go as planed, you<br>will set up road blocs for yourself? What do you mean I will set<br>up road blocs for myself? You will and don't be alarmed because,<br>it's nautural everyone does it. It's easier to stop where you<br>are at, then it is to move forward, and work like crazy to get<br>to that next level, it is easier to go backwards then it will be<br>to take a few steps forward, but not you, you don't want to stay<br>the way things used to be,<p>(YOU WANT TO MOVE FORWARD!)<p>then just go ahead and continue to go forward with the vision<br>that now seems so far away. Remember you have The I Will Power<br>and no one can take that away from you, no one!<p>use your will to win!,<p>use your will to get better,<p>use your will to succeed,<p>use your will to be kind,<p>use your will to be generous,<p>use your will to be loving,<p>use your will to be understanding,<p>USE, USE, USE your I Will Power and soon you will see the<br>difference in the way that you walk and talk and slowly you will<br>see that you can manipulate your reality into something better<br>and better, once you achieve that goal, turn right around and<br>set a new one higher than the last.<p>Go ahead you can do it, I know you can, as I am living proof and<br>you know what they say<p>"THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING!",<p>well I am pudding and please believe me when I tell you I am the<br>proof as I have BPD, ADHD, GAD and the list goes on yet through<br>the shear and utter I Will Power, I have changed my life and it<br>just keeps getting better as the time rolls along, yes If I can<br>do it so can you! Before I decided to use I Will Power, I tried<br>to kill myself, drank every weekend until I could not see<br>straight, took 600 pills a month and the list goes on and on.<p>Now don't get me wrong it was hard work and at times I felt like<br>giving up plenty of times, but try and remember the way you used<br>to be before you started to use the I Will Power! You weren't<br>happy and you had dreams, you knew that you wanted to change,<br>you just were not sure how? Well, you now have a glimpse of the<br>past and you have seen what your future can hold, So What are<br>you going to do?<p>Use the I Will Power or go back to the life you used to have?<br>Believe me there is no way once you see the power of the new you<br>and get a glimpse of the life you can have, you will certainly<br>use your I Will Power! Try it you won't be sorry you did! As the<br>new you continues to get stronger and stronger as time goes on<br>and on, there will never be any looking back, because The I Will<br>Power, shall turn into your into your "I Can future & it is<br>truly unlimited in every way!<p>Please know that you can share this article with anyone and<br>everyone you think it may help and even some people you don't<br>even really like, they need it the most! Just leave this footer<br>attached and the Author is given full credit.<p>God Bless,<br>Arthur BuchananJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-30675264939413345382008-07-21T19:34:00.000-07:002008-07-21T20:20:23.474-07:00Help Others Feel Wanted and ImportantjMost of us love to help others, but sometimes we're<br>afraid to step forward and offer. Yet, positive<br>recognition is something we all crave.<p>Linking up people who can help each other is one of<br>the ways to facilitate this recognition. So is<br>taking the time to find out what's unique about the<br>other person. Because the things we do seem so<br>common or easy to us, we are often blind to our own<br>special gifts, even when they're obvious to others<br>around us.<p>Taking a moment to discover and acknowledge that<br>uniqueness helps others to feel that their<br>contribution means something.<p><br>===================================<br>©1998-2003 Career Life InstituteJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-29282159942366244982008-07-21T19:31:00.000-07:002008-07-21T20:20:16.360-07:00PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHSConventional wisdom says we should work on improving our weaknesses. This <br>is a terrible waste of time, talent and opportunity. Imagine what would <br>have happened if Chopin, Einstein, Chris Evert, or Pavarotti had followed <br>that advice. All these people devoted their life to developing their <br>natural strengths. As a result, they each were tops in their field.<p>Highly successful entrepreneurs, as well as top scientists, artists, <br>athletes and entertainers throughout history have achieved greatness by <br>focusing on their areas of strength.<p>We all have a special 'gift', yet you may not recognize your own aptitudes. <br>You might think that all of us can see and appreciate the subtleties of <br>color the same as you. You may not realize some of us are not as graceful <br>as you. You might believe that all people are able to effortlessly grow a <br>beautiful garden.<p>How do you discover your natural talents? First, write down a list of those <br>things you do that seem easy for you. Often the tasks that seem almost <br>effortless are those for which we have a special aptitude.<br>Next, make a list of those things you do where time just seems to fly by. <br>This is a good clue to activities in which you have natural talent.<p>Finally, write down all the activities that make you happy. These are the <br>tasks you would do just for yourself, with no promise of gain, just because <br>they're fun, interesting and fulfilling.<p>Look through the three lists to find the common activities. These are <br>likely to be the areas of your natural aptitudes and talents. Imagine <br>spending most of your time developing and playing at something that makes <br>you happy, where time flies and all is easy for you. Wow!<p>Don't get caught up in the old advice to work on your weaknesses. Hire <br>someone who is good where you are weak. Delegate tasks you don't enjoy to <br>others who do enjoy those things. Automate the repetitious tasks. Contract <br>out the chores you are not great at doing.<p>Working to develop your natural talents is self rewarding and motivating, <br>allowing you to continually realize higher and higher levels of ability, <br>achievement and success. You will be happier and the recipients of your <br>work, your customers, will reward you for your excellence. What a <br>combination; doing what you love and people paying you for it!<br>Focus on your strengths. Experience the immense satisfaction that comes <br>with being superb at something.<p><br>by Gary LockwoodJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693501403509142113.post-30794995168609536082008-07-21T19:26:00.000-07:002008-07-21T20:19:59.988-07:00Perceptual PositionsBy Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC<p>Different Perspectives<p>Often, it is useful to assess an event or outcome from several different <br>perspectives: From our own perspective, from the perspective of another <br>person and from the perspective of an independent observer. John Grinder <br>and Judith DeLozier refer to these perspectives as perceptual positions. <br>Perceptual positions provide a balanced approach to thinking about an event <br>or outcome. In situations where there is little or no understanding or <br>progress, they can provide a way of developing new understandings and <br>creating new choices.<p>The three perceptual positions are:<br> * First Position: seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through <br>your own eyes, ears and feelings. You think in terms of what is important <br>to you, what you want to achieve.<br> * Second Position: stepping into the shoes of the other person and <br>experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation as if you were <br>them. You think in terms of how this situation would appear or be <br>interpreted by the other person. You've heard the expression: "Before <br>criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes."<br> * Third Position: standing back from a situation and experiencing it as <br>if you were a detached observer. In your mind, you are able to see and hear <br>yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. You think in <br>terms of what opinion, observations or advice would someone offer who is <br>not involved. You need to be in a strong resourceful state and take an <br>objective view of your own behaviour and look for opportunities to respond <br>differently in order to achieve a different and more positive outcome.<p>Sometimes we get stuck in one of these positions:<br> * Someone who lives his/her life in first position would tend to focus <br>on his/her needs rather than the needs of others -- a "self-centered" <br>attitude. We could say that addicts tend to see the world from first position.<br> * Someone, who lives their life primarily in second position, is always <br>thinking about the other person at the expense of their own needs. <br>Co-dependents or enablers in a dysfunctional or addiction situation would <br>fit this description. A saying about co-dependents is: "When a co-dependent <br>dies, someone else's life flashes before their eyes, rather than their own".<br> * Someone, who lives in third position, would be seen as rather aloof <br>and a disinterested observer of life - always on the outside looking in.<p>All three positions are of equal importance and it is useful to consciously <br>or unconsciously cycle through these positions as we go about our daily <br>activities.<p>An Exercise<p>To illustrate the usefulness of perceptual positions, consider the <br>following exercise, which you can do alone or have someone guide you <br>through the steps. Think of a conversation, discussion or disagreement that <br>you had recently with another person that did not go as well as you had <br>hoped and the situation remains unresolved. For ease of discussion, I will <br>assume the other person is a male.<br> * Are you prepared to explore this situation to find other ways to <br>handled it, should a similar situation occur in the future? This is an <br>important question. If you are committed to holding the other person as <br>wrong and not prepared to learn from your experiences, no matter what, then <br>it is not worth your time proceeding for this particular situation. Pick <br>another situation.<br> * Assuming you answered, "yes" to the first question, get yourself into <br>a comfortable position, close your eyes and go back to that event looking <br>through your own eyes seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and <br>feeling what you felt during that interaction. You can do this quickly, as <br>the purpose here is mainly to remind you of the event and what you <br>experienced. Here you are experiencing the event from first position. When <br>you are finished, open your eyes, look around the room, stand, stretch your <br>body - this is called a break state and the intention is to clear your mind <br>of the internal representations of the event.<br> * Again make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and this time put <br>yourself into the other person's body, take on his physiology looking <br>through his eyes, seeing what he saw, hearing what he heard, and to the <br>best of your ability experiencing how he felt being to be in a conversation <br>with the person that looks and acts like you! From this other perspective, <br>notice the facial expressions, body language, hand gestures, tone of voice <br>and words that are used by this person that looks, behaves and sounds like <br>you. Does this give you some understanding of why he reacted the way he <br>did? If you were to give the person that looks like you some advice, from <br>this perspective, on how to handle the situation differently, what would <br>that advice be? When you are ready, open your eyes, look around the room, <br>stand up and stretch. Did you learn something about yourself and how you <br>could handle it differently next time with potentially a different result? <br>Often people do and sometimes, they learn even more in the next step.<br> * Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and this time look at the <br>event as if you were a fly on the wall. Some distance in front of you, you <br>can see a person that looks, behaves and sounds like you and the other <br>person(s). From this other perspective, notice the facial expressions, body <br>language, hand gestures, tone of voice and words that that this person who <br>looks, behaves and sounds like you is using. Can you give this person some <br>advice on how the situation could be handled differently and just maybe <br>achieve a different, more positive result? When you are ready, open your <br>eyes, look around the room, stand up and stretch. How about this time, did <br>you learn something about yourself?<br> * Repeat steps 2 -5. This time use the new behaviours and resources <br>that you identified in steps 3 and 4. Did you notice anything different <br>this time? Perhaps, an opportunity to achieve a different more positive <br>result?<p>I often use this exercise in public presentations. I remember at one event, <br>as I finished the exercise, a young lady got out of her chair and quickly <br>left the room. She returned to the room about 20 minutes later and at the <br>next break came up to me and apologized for leaving the room the way she <br>had. She went on to explain that about two weeks earlier, she had had a <br>major fight with her roommate and long-time close friend that resulted in <br>her moving out and the two of them had not spoken to each other since. As a <br>result of doing the exercise, she realized how she could have handled the <br>situation differently and left the room to have a conversation with her <br>friend. As a result of this new conversation, she was moving back in with <br>her friend and roommate that very evening.Joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446736662133328364noreply@blogger.com0