You'll be Judged by Your Voice

From its earliest days the Net has been home to a rich variety of
voices. Never before have regular people had the means to communicate
their views to such a large and diverse audience. In fact, before the
Net came along, the power to publish lay in the hands of a few
powerful media companies alone. The best that you or I could hope for
was to find that our letter to the editor had made the cut.

The technology of the Net allowed anyone and everyone to publish
their views. From Usenet, to The Well, to a choice of thousands of
discussion lists and groups - millions of people discovered the joys
of raising their voices online.

Within this new culture, a premium was placed on voices that had a
unique and authentic character. That was how people stood out within
a text-based environment. No graphics. Nothing to see. Just words.
And the words that spread furthest were the words that carried the
unmistakable ring of an interesting voice.

The voices that attracted the widest or most attentive audiences did
so not by being loud, but by being interesting. And even being
interesting wasn't enough. There are lots of people out there with
interesting things to say. In addition, you needed to write in a way
that engaged the attention of your readers and always rang true.

This all happened before commerce came to the Web. And during that
period, people developed an uncommon sensitivity to voice online.

When commerce finally came to the Web, the writers or copywriters who
were responsible for writing commercial sites, emails and newsletters
failed to tap into the unique touch and flavor of online writing.
Instead, they simply borrowed their writing styles from what they
knew best - print and broadcast media.

And even today, companies online still don't get it. They still write
their online text in the slick, corporate style of offline writing.
The text of ecommerce has no character, no humanity, no recognizable voice.

This is a problem because your prospects and customers are quick to
ignore and skip over 'dead' text - wherever they see it.

To illustrate the point, here are two ways of talking about the new
Apple iBook laptop computer.

First, here's how Apple pitches it on their site:

The first thing you'll notice is that the iBook weighs just 4.9
pounds - almost 2 pounds lighter than before. You'll also note that
this iBook is appreciably smaller: just 11.2 inches wide, 9.1 inches
deep and 1.35 inches thick. The perfect size and shape to fit in your
backpack or briefcase. Fact is, the new iBook is designed to fit your
life. Fortunately, it's priced so you can still afford to have one.
Starting at $1,299.

With iMovie, iTunes and iTools, the new iBook is designed to work and
play with your digital tools and toys. Fact is, the iBook adds
fun-filled new dimensions to your MP3 player, music CD collection,
digital camera, DV camcorder and personal digital assistant. Your
iBook is right there at the center of it.

We'll forgive the writer for starting two sentences in the same way
with 'Fact is,'. A minor point.

But more telling is the construction and rhythm of the text. Take a
look at the four sentences at the end of the first paragraph.

The perfect size and shape to fit in your backpack or briefcase. Fact
is, the new iBook is designed to fit your life. Fortunately, it's
priced so you can still afford to have one. Starting at $1,299.

The first sentence has 12 words. The second has 11 words. The third
has 11. And the fourth and final sentence has just 3 words.

In other words, you get three sentences of equal weight and emphasis
followed by a very short, final sentence that places focus on the
price, and closes the paragraph on a high note. If you get my drift.

What's the big deal? The construction of the copy reeks of
'professional ad writer'. That's how you write for a print ad or a
catalogue. The construction is too measured, the voice too
commercial. The style is from the offline world where, as a customer,
you're meant simply to pay attention and listen to the message.

By way of comparison, here is an excerpt from an iBook review at epinions.com:

The first iBook was, like the first iMac, trying to make too radical
of a statement. The monstrosity weighed in at nearly 7 pounds. When
opened, it looked like an orange toilet seat. When closed, it looked
like a Hello Kitty purse (especially with that handle!). The colors
Apple picked made it look like a toy more than anything else. It was
underpowered and, despite Apple's greatest efforts, it was still
overpriced. The original iBook became sort of the odd little runt in
Apple's line - like the ugly duckling - and it sold like that too.

Well today is the day the little duckling turns into a beautiful
swan, and BOY whadda swan it is!

True, Apple probably wouldn't have the nerve to publish text like
this - however right the reviewer may be.

But it's not really the content I'm talking about. It's the voice and
the construction - or lack of construction - of the text. This iBook
reviewer writes pretty well, but the text isn't 'self-aware' or
'self-indulgent'. The voice is normal. It's from a regular person
with an interesting opinion.

The text has a strong character that is individual, not commercial.

And that's pretty much what I'm talking about. Real voices online
have character. And for that character to ring true in the online
environment, it has to be authentic, interesting and human. That's
why the 'toilet-seat' intro to the new iBook is so much more
compelling and powerful than the Apple version.

The voice fits with how real people communicate online in a way that
'commercial' writing never can.

And that's a good reason for us all to review our own sites, emails
and newsletters - and check for the power and authenticity of our voices.

Yes, online writers can still be 'professional'. But those
professionals, myself included, have to relearn how we write. We
can't write for print. We have to write for the online environment.

We have to learn to write with a voice that is true to our clients,
true to their customers and true to the culture of communicating
online. (And, of course, true to ourselves.)

*Nick Usborne speaks, writes, and consults on strategic copy issues
for business online.

Acceptance

<http://www.motivationalquotes.com/cgi-bin/db/db.cgi?db=db&uid=default&ID=&Quote=&Author=&Source=&Prayer=&Affirmation=&Keywords=acceptance&keyword=&mh=25&sb=---&so=asc&view_records=View+Records>Acceptance

Character Traits of Extraordinary Leaders
by <http://www.madeforsuccess.com/>Chris Widener

The success of every organization rests on the foundation of
leadership. A group of people, whether a business, organization,
family or society, can only go as far as leadership will take it.

Some people do not believe that they are leaders or even that they
can be a leader. I believe that every person is a leader in at least
one situation.

Maybe you aren't a leader at work but you are in your family or as
the soccer coach of the little league team. Somewhere you are
leading. That brings me to my final point before today's specific
topic. Here is my working definition of leadership: INFLUENCE.
Nothing more, nothing less. So as you are reading this understand
that I am giving you these thoughts in order to help you influence as
many people and in the most effective way possible

When people make a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) to
follow your leadership, they do it primarily because of one of two
things: Your Character or your Skills. They want to know if you are
the kind of person they want to follow and if you have the skills to
take them further. Yes, there are other variables but these are the
bulk of the matter. This week we focus on the kind of character that
causes people to follow your leadership.

1. Integrity. Integrity is that you do what you say you will. You are
trust worthy. People can rely on you. You keep your promises. The one
thing that will most keep people from following you is if they can't
know for sure if you will actually take them where you say you will.
Are you known as a person of integrity? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

2. Optimistic. People don't want to follow others who think the
future is bad! They want to follow those who can see the future and
let them know that there is a better place and that they can get them
there! Do you see the cup as half empty? Then you are a pessimist. Do
you see it as half full? Then you are an optimist. Do you see it as
totally full - half air and half water? Then you are a Super
Optimist! Are you known as an optimist? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

3. Embraces Change. Leaders are the ones who will see the need for
change and willingly embrace it. Followers will at first desire to
stay where they are. Leaders need to see the benefits of change and
communicate them to followers. If you don't change, you won't grow!
Are you known as a person who embraces change? If so, you will become
an Extraordinary Leader!

4. Risk Taker. Whenever we try something new, we are taking a risk.
That is part of growing though and it is imperative. Most people are
risk averse. Not the leader! They calculate the risk and what is to
be gained from taking the risk. Then they communicate that to the
followers and away they go to a better tomorrow! Are you known as a
person who is willing to take risks? If so, you will become an
Extraordinary Leader!

5. Tenacious. The tendency of the follower is to quit when the going
gets tough. Two or three tries and their motto becomes "If at first
you don't succeed, give up and try something else." Not the leader!
They know what good lies beyond this brick wall and they will go and
get it. Then they will bring others with them! Are you known as a
person who is tenacious? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!

6. Catalytic. A leader is ultimately one who gets people going. They
are able to move others out of their comfort zone and on toward the
goal! They can raise the passion, enthusiasm and the ACTION of those
who would follow. Are you known as a catalyst? If so, you will become
an Extraordinary Leader!

7. Dedicated/Committed. Followers want people who are more devoted
and committed then themselves. At the first sign of lack of
commitment, followers scatter for the doors. If the leader sees the
end and is bailing out, they better get out first. Followers follow
those who will stick it out because they see the importance of the
task and the goal. Are you known as a person who is committed and
devoted to the goal? If so, you will become an Extraordinary Leader!

Imagine a sad pencil that wants all the pens of the world to
acknowledge its handsome lines, but it can't win its way! So, it
decides not to be a pencil any more. And while one end of this pained
pencil concocts ways to change itself into something that is no
longer a lead-filled stick, in the end - by the very need it has to
dream such dreams to escape itself - it remains a pencil.

Quote: Whatever you have

Whatever you have, spend less.
- Samuel Johnson

Influence and Motivation

I was helping to enhance the effectiveness of a sales presentation
for a division of a Fortune 500 company this week. Lots of fun and
filled with some real "aha" experiences...

In just a moment I'm going to show you how to motivate people. Very
few people have the ability to motivate others to do anything because
people who have evolved to becoming agents of change haven't
discovered the lens with which you MUST view each person.

As you read the story, don't forget the message...and then...record
the analysis for your every day reminder...

Imagine:

Someone goes to work five days per week. They "punch in" at 9 and
"out" at "5." By an entrepreneur's standards, those are pretty wimpy
hours...OK, really wimpy hours. Then it dawned on me that most people
who do the "punch in" and "9-5" have to punch in because otherwise no
one would know they were there. In other words, it's sort of like
wearing an ankle bracelet when you are released from jail and
required to be at a certain place at a certain time and no where else.

As time passes the individual becomes like the hamster in the wheel.
Each day like the last and very predictive of the future.

When you say "job" the person immediately thinks of THEIR experience.
When you say "work" they think of THEIR OWN "work" or place of
employment. After a few months, and then a few years the person
becomes dependent on the job, the company,

...the wheel. They almost become a hamster....

Take away the wheel and the hamster freaks out.

[4] Tinnitus, Pain and Visual Delusions: Repairing Perception Problems

You may hear it (tinnitus), or know someone who does, feel it (pain),
see it (visual delusions). But you don't have permanently live with
these experiences!

12 years ago I woke up with tinnitus. 70-80 dB of h*ll. Talking with
a dozen doctors and reading tons of medical literature boiled down to
one thing: You are stuck with it. Get used to it.

Not possible. There was NO way I could live with the jet engine 24/7.
In addition to medications and a whole slew of lifestyle changes, I
started studying the brain. I got caught up by buying every textbook
I could find on neurology, psychobiology and neurobiology.

I'll tell you one thing: We know 100 times more about the brain today
than we did 12 years ago, but...the doctors still tell people there
is nothing that can be done.

They tell that to people who taste metal, see delusions, have
schizophrenia (paranoia w/delusions), feel chronic pain and have the
nightmare of them all: tinnitus. And they are wrong.

Kevin Hogan

The People Behind Technique and Strategy

by Kevin Hogan

You can know all the techniques, strategies and mental linguistics on
the planet...but...if you aren't a person of influence you haven't
got a chance.
Similarly you can be a person of influence but your client quite
simply might not be motivated to change. (at least not yet!)

Let's look at both of the people in the process and find out what
kind of a person a person of influence is...then find out what your
client must feel about you to best be motivated by you....

First: What is influence? It's a process where one person motivates
another person to change something.

Let's look at just what it takes to motivate that person and who the
person of influence needs to be to accomplish persuasion.

Just who is the person of influence?

Who is the great salesman, the great therapist, the great lover, the
great President, the great you get the idea....

There are a number of qualities and characteristics that are crucial
to success in persuasion and influence...in every usage from therapy
to selling. Above all else is one characteristic that dwarfs all of the rest...

Empathy.

*Nothing* is more important than empathy for someone who wants to
motivate others to change. What is empathy? It's the ability to
feel...to understand...to walk a mile in their shoes...Empathy means
that you can *feel* and see life from the perspective of the other
person. If and when you can do that...you can be influential. If you
can't you will only be able to "close a percentage" or get lucky now
and then. You can know all the techniques on the planet but if you
can't feel their pain you will never truly be a great salesman, a
great communicator, a powerful person of influence.

***You walk into the hospital, see your loved one with the I V in
their arm. You paste a smile on your face but they know it hurts you
as much as it does them. That's empathy.

***Your child is home sick from school. You feel as bad for them as they feel.

***You see the result of their bad decisions and the pain of the
future they now face. You feel it too.

When I think of empathy I think of people like former President
Clinton. (gasp!) He has far more empathy than most people in the
public eye. Politics aside, when you watched Clinton with people, you
sensed he could really be in that person's shoes...and he was.

That means he has the capacity to identify and feel what others are
feeling at this moment. People of great empathy have three common traits.

* They have experienced pain first hand.
* They have a wide range of experiences with all kinds of other people.
* They are validated and feel good based upon the approval of others.

I saw a book on the shelf today at B & N. It was called "Disease to
Please." I didn't pick it up. Why? The person doesn't get it. (Just
like the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. It's All Small
Stuff.") The book might be helpful but the *title* spreads a very bad
ideavirus.

In a broad sense, the ideal life is about two things. Giving and
receiving pleasure. (Pleasure broadly means anything that is good.)
Take away one of the two (giving or receiving) from the person and
you have a half of a person...

Take away the giving part, and in the vernacular, you have a jerk....

I'll bet a nickel the author of "Disease to Please" will tell the
reader that the reason people are unhappy and unsatisfied is that
they are trying to please other people at their own expense. (And
that might be a fact.) The possible solution might be proposed to
*stop* trying to please others and start doing what the reader has
never done perhaps...please themselves.

Problem.

As soon as the person stops being helpful, kind, loving, supportive,
nurturing to others they lose the other half of who they were. The
half of them that IS powerful and useful.

The real solution obviously is to always be supportive, kind and
helpful. And then to be supportive, kind and helpful to yourself as
well. (It requires no more time or effort. A simple set of choices.)
Then instead of becoming a jerk they becomes a complete
person...and...a person capable of powerful influence...which means
they are only one step away from success at any level they choose.

The influential person has a strong desire to please... and if they
are going to be influential that extends to the desire to help (for
both altruistic and selfish purposes) others be happy, feel better,
and be useful as a human. This desire to help, to create value, to
love will often be paired with some kind of pain and no one should
tell this person to try and squelch the feelings of being rebuffed,
rejected or hurt. That IS the healthy and normal response. These are
the feelings that generate the empathic response.

Master Your Mind

by Paul J. Meyer

Achievers set goals, are dedicated to reaching them,
concentrate on strengths and minimize weaknesses. They
continuously step up their courage, pride, determination
and confidence, all the while keeping their achievements
in perspective. In combination, these qualities make up
the achiever's attitude, the overall frame of mind that
enables people to become successful in all areas of life.

An achiever's attitude is essential to reaching goals and
fulfilling dreams. Through practice and repetition, you
can develop positive habits of thinking. Your mind
believes what you tell it, and your body receives direction
from your mind. Tell yourself constantly that you can do
something, and you will.

Master your mind with these suggestions:

Focus On Your Goals
When you have sufficient desire to reach the top, you
gain the determination, courage, pride and willingness
necessary to exert the effort to overcome obstacles that
stand between you and your goals.

Exert Self-Control
Many people panic when they make a few mistakes.
Achievers look forward­not backward. They keep
their mind focused on their goals and possess mental
toughness, never letting their emotions disrupt
performance.

Be Teachable
Achievers realize they do not know everything there is
to know. They know they can always improve, no matter
how good they are. They welcome constructive criticism
and pursue suggestions from others to reach even higher
levels of expertise and excellence.

Paraphrase Your Customer's Words

The customer is only sure that you have been listening when you
paraphrase what the prospect has said and feed it back in your own
words. This is where the rubber meets the road in effective
listening. This is where you demonstrate in no uncertain terms to the
prospect that your listening has been real and sincere. This is where
you show the prospect that you were paying complete attention to what
he or she was saying. Paraphrasing is how you prove it.

Question for Clarification
When the prospect has finished explaining his or her situation to
you, and you have paused, and then questioned for clarification, you
paraphrase the prospects primary thoughts and concerns, and feed them
back to him or her in your own words.

Use the Right Words
For example, you might say, "Let me make sure I understand exactly
what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are concerned about two
things more than anything else, and that in the past you have had a
couple of experiences that have made you very careful in approaching
a decision of this kind."

Feed it Back Accurately
You then go on to feed back to the prospect exactly what he or she
has told you, pausing and questioning for clarification as you go,
until the customer says words to the effect of, "Yes, that's it!
You've got it exactly."

Earn the Right to Sell
Only when you and the customer completed a thorough "examination" and
have mutually agreed on the "diagnosis" you are in a position to
begin talking to the customer about your product or service. In
general terms, this means that you can not pull out your brochures
and price lists and begin telling the customer how your product or
service can solve his problems or achieve his goals until about
seventy percent of the way through the sales conversation. Until
then, you have not yet earned the right. Until then, you don't even
know enough to begin an intelligent presentation without embarrassing
yourself.

Be a Good Listener
The more and better you listen, the more and better people will like
you, trust you and want to do business with you. The more they will
want to get involved with you as a person and the more popular you
will be with them. Excellent listeners are welcome everywhere, in
every walk of life, and they eventually and ultimately arrive at the
top of their fields.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, remember that your first job in the sale is to get the
customer to like you and believe that you understand his situation.
Paraphrasing is the way you accomplish this.

Second, be sure that the customer agrees with you completely when you
feed back his concerns to him. Only then can you really start selling.

Brian Tracy

Making your goals

Quantifying your goals can be a long process.
You'll have to gather a lot more information
before you're ready to set specific targets.
Eventually, you'll probably want to put those
goals together in the form of a business plan.

But before we move on to the process of getting
that information, let's take a look at some of
the guidelines you should follow when quantifying your goals:

* Be specific ­ establish targets that can be
easily measured, and use numbers as targets
whenever possible. For example, you may set a
goal of selling your goods or services across a
particular number of counties or states, having a
certain number of employees, or reaching a
particular level of sales. Tie those numbers to
specific time frames (within six months, within
two years, within 10 years, etc.).

* Be realistic ­ having high expectations is
great, but make sure that you establish targets
that are reasonable and potentially achievable.
If you're opening a fast-food restaurant, to say
that you want to be bigger than McDonald's within six months is not realistic.

* Be aggressive ­ you can be realistic and still
aim high. Don't set goals that are too easily
achieved; also, set both short-term and long-term
goals. If, after six months in business, you
accomplish all of your goals, then what? Don't
sell yourself short; if you want to be bigger
than McDonald's within 20 years, go for it.

* Be consistent ­ Beware of inadvertently setting
inconsistent goals. For example, a goal of
growing fast enough to have three employees
within two years might be inconsistent with a
goal of earning a particular amount of money if
the cost of adding the employees ends up
temporarily reducing your income below the target
level. There is nothing wrong with having both
goals. Just be aware that the potential conflict
exists, and establish priorities among your goals
so that you'll know which ones are most important to you.

In developing your goals and objectives, you
should be specific where achievements can be
measured. Normally you would have a numbered list
of a few selected objectives. Keep your list to
about ten, because long lists make it hard to focus.

Making your goals concrete is the best way,
possibly the only way, to tell when you've
achieved them. Your chance of implementation
depends on your being able to track progress
toward goals and measure results, and
implementation is critical. Set measurable
objectives such as sales or sales growth, profits
or profitability, market share as published by an
objective and accessible source, gross margin as percent of sales, for example.

Avoid listing vague goals that can't be tracked.
Where general or intangible goals are important
to your business, find a way to make them
specific. For example, if customer satisfaction
is a priority, put your objectives in terms of
percent of returns, specific numbers of
complaints, or letters of praise, or some other
measure related to satisfaction. If image or
awareness is a priority, include a survey to
measure the change in percentages in your plan.
You can build a customer satisfaction survey into
your plan, set the sample size and satisfaction
scores you want to achieve, then carry out the survey to check on success.

Since you deal with products, you might watch
gross margin or unit sales, so you should set
objectives for these key factors. If you are a
distribution company, for example, then you will
also want to focus on tight management of
logistics, working capital, and personnel costs.
If you are a publisher, then you might focus on
product quality, titles, or marketing. This
obviously depends on your type of business.

About the Author:
Brian Hazelgren is a globally recognized expert
in business planning, strategic planning,
infrastructure development, training, sales and operations.

Negotiation

Suppose you've just finished your business presentation and your
prospect resists your
offer. For example, let's say that your prospect tells you she
doesn't have the time
to do your business. What do you say?

Give up?

Here is a simple language formula for increasing your closing ratio
by 40% when you
get resistance at the end of a presentation:

Step 1. Agree
Step 2. Listen
Step 3. Probe
Step 4. Create Disagreement
Step 5. Solution

Here's how it might play out:
Prospect: 'Thanks for showing me your program but I just don't have
the time to add anything to my
schedule right now.'

You: (Agree) 'Hey, no problem. I think you ought to pass on having a
part-time business that
doesn't fit within your present schedule.'

You: (Listen)
Prospect: 'I like your program though. It's just the time thing you see.'

You: (Probe) 'What do you like about the program?'

Prospect: 'Well, it looks like you have some really great products
and they could help a lot of people.
I've always wanted to have my own business and this one looks pretty good.'

You: (Create Disagreement) 'But you're not really serious about
having your own business are you?'

Prospect: 'Actually, I am. I know I'd be good at running my own
business. I'm very motivated to
make money and work for myself.'

You: (Offer Solution) 'May I make a suggestion?

('Yes') Why don't we get you started on a very limited schedule--one
you would feel totally
comfortable with. As your income grows, you can always add more
hours. That way it won't conflict
with your present schedule. How does that sound?'

Prospect: 'Yeah, I could handle that.'
Cha ching!

Author: Hilton Johnson

CHANGE YOUR LIFE...WITH NLP

Think about the following question:
What stops you from having the things in life you want...or want more of?
Did you answer money?... time?... my boss, mother, father, partner?...
fate?... bad luck? What is interesting about these answers is that the
cause is external to you and outside of your direct control.

In order to understand how you can influence your external world, you need
to understand how your thinking affects your internal world. NLP (Neuro
Linguistic Programming) is the most useful approach we know for doing this.

THE CONSCIOUS MIND

Why should we bother to "think positively?" Based on much published
information, many people have benefited from positive thinking. And those
of us who have consciously tried it have found it to be worthwhile. But how
does it work--and how much of the success of positive thinking is a result
of the Conscious mind?

You may already know your conscious awareness has a restricted capacity for
retaining information. Research has shown we can hold 7 plus or minus 2
chunks of information in awareness at any one time. Techniques for helping
people with their memory often vary the size of the chunks, or find ways to
link small chunks into one larger chunk to allow more memory capacity. This
is why telephone numbers are broken into three and four digit sections.

THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND

So what else is happening behind the 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of
information in our conscious thinking? What organises our heartbeat, our
digestion, our response to outside temperature? What allows us to drive our
car without having to think about it? What receives literally billions of
pieces of external information, and processes them with no effort?

Psychologists refer to this part of the mind as the Unconscious, or more
accurately, the Other-Than-Conscious, because it is far from unconscious.
It is awake and active even when we are asleep. Doctors were surprised to
discover that, under hypnosis, patients who had been anaesthetised were
able to recall every word said in the operating theatre. One part of their
mind was obviously fully aware of what was going on!

The brain looks after thousands of functions in the body every moment, and
can handle astronomic amounts of information. What is most impressive is it
can do all of these things at the same time without any need for conscious
control. And fortunately, it never forgets how.

The Unconscious responds to every external stimuli, and every thought. Each
response sets off a chemical reaction which is sent to the rest of the
body. Therefore WHAT we think takes on a vital significance. The
Unconscious is like a good assistant, and basically it will do what you
tell it. But what exactly are you telling it to do?

You may say, "I deserve the very best," but if in your Unconscious the
message is being countered with,"You?...You'll never amount to anything,"
what is going to be the result?

Unless you stop and think about it, you will be unaware of the Unconscious
thought. All that you will probably be aware of is a slight sense of unease
or something not being quite right An internal conflict may result and this
will lead to incongruent behaviour. This explains why saying an
affirmation, or positive statement about yourself, sometimes does not work.

NLP has techniques and strategies to help you become fully congruent.
Congruence is when you align your mind and behaviour behind positive
thoughts so there is total commitment to achieving an outcome. This is
important because as Anthony Robbins says, "It is in your moments of
decision that your destiny is shaped." A good way to experience congruence
is to utilise past positive experiences and incorporate these into present
behaviour. The result is new and empowered ways of thinking.

We each have ten billion neurons (brain cells). And there are more
potential simultaneous connections between neurons than there are atoms in
the known universe. Yes, you may need to read that again! This means we
have an almost infinite capacity for creativity and problem solving. As
Einstein pointed out, the ONLY way we limit ourselves is by not fully
utilising this amazing gift. NLP is designed to help us access more
neurological pathways and thereby create more choice in our life.

by PENNY TOMPKINS AND JAMES LAWLEY
NLP Consultants to Business and Individuals

Your Old Self Will Not Go Quietly

Your old self will not just disappear it will take work on your
part. You did not become the person you are overnight and you
will certainly not change that person in one day, but please
understand that you can change and you do have all the tools
When your old self rears its ugly head and it doesn't fit in
with the new you that you have pictured, release that old self,
focuses on the new person you want to become, see the vision in
your head and write down all the things you see yourself
changing as they progress before your eyes.

You should keep a progress report on the most importants one and
that's the ones that have the great and strongest feeling that
burning desire, reason for beliveing in what they do and
continuing on in this path to become the person that you so long
to be! Now you can go about to make the things happen. Practice
them every day until they become the new habits and are built~
in your new self that is becoming easier and easier to see for
you and everyone else also.

Your old self will fight you every step of the way, if you
continue to see the prize, or the pot of gold at the end
rainbow, you will continue to make major strides at the perfect
you, you are becoming. You must read and Listen, Listen; Listen
to positive tapes and read, all the positive books on bettering
yourself you can! Remember you where born to win and God has
given you all the tools you need to succeed!

You just need to develop them and work with the tools that you
do have that are strong and slowly develop the ones you want in
your future,one by one until they are all developed into the
Perfect you! Now do you see the picture of how it all works? See
the person, feel the new you forming inside of you, continue to
focus on putting your old self to rest and becoming the new you
that you want to be! Some days will absolutely fly by and it
will be very easy to see the new you, others will drag and seem
to go on forever, when this happens YOU, MUST STAY POSITIVE!

(THIS IS NOT AN OTPION, IT'S A MUST!)

Don't let your old self get the best of you, with the right
attitude and being focused it will become easier and easier to
see, feel, touch, your future, and then realize that the future
is now, there may be no tomorrow's! Keep your nose to the grind
stone you are making progress and things are changing you will
see the positive effect in days! Don't wait on tomorrow, because
it may never come.

Work on the day you have, that way you don't waste valuable
time. Live in the here and now, believe that you can change and
you will! You control your reality and yes you can make all your
dreams come true, by seeing them instead of wanting them, want
nothing and see where you need to get to. It is a place that is
within your reach!

That can be attained by you putting it in your mind, on the task
of seeing yourself as the person you would like to become and
never letting that image out of your mind.

(HOLD ON TO IT FIRMLY!)

Remember that you can become the person you want, you can put
the old self to rest and become the "Perfect You," I know you
can be!

(YOU MUST HAVE THE I WILL POWER!)

I know what you are thinking here, yes I mean will power, but
more in the sense that you need to change the way you look at
things, if you always saw the glass as half empty, now try and
imagine what it would be like to see the glass as half full.

(GO AHEAD, TRY IT!)

What I am getting at here is, you need a new outlook on life
"The I Will Power" This is the type of power that can never be
measured by science or any human being. Yes, you possess such
power and you need to learn how to find it and use this inner
strength to achieve all your hopes and dreams. The I Will Power
is the stuff that changes lives and makes your dreams become
true!

You don't need to find a genie in the bottle, if you have the I
Will Power, you don't need the magic spell or the tooth fairy!
You control your own destiny, so set your dreams in overdrive
and see yourself as the I can king, The I can become whatever I
see myself as king and you really and truly can! I don't think I
know, with dedication and hard work the dream can become a
reality. You can have anything you can imagine if you will only
dare to believe that it can be so.

(YOU MUST FIRST IMAGINE IT TO BE!)

First think about it, then start to come up with a plan of
attack, don't get down if everything doesn't go as planed, you
will set up road blocs for yourself? What do you mean I will set
up road blocs for myself? You will and don't be alarmed because,
it's nautural everyone does it. It's easier to stop where you
are at, then it is to move forward, and work like crazy to get
to that next level, it is easier to go backwards then it will be
to take a few steps forward, but not you, you don't want to stay
the way things used to be,

(YOU WANT TO MOVE FORWARD!)

then just go ahead and continue to go forward with the vision
that now seems so far away. Remember you have The I Will Power
and no one can take that away from you, no one!

use your will to win!,

use your will to get better,

use your will to succeed,

use your will to be kind,

use your will to be generous,

use your will to be loving,

use your will to be understanding,

USE, USE, USE your I Will Power and soon you will see the
difference in the way that you walk and talk and slowly you will
see that you can manipulate your reality into something better
and better, once you achieve that goal, turn right around and
set a new one higher than the last.

Go ahead you can do it, I know you can, as I am living proof and
you know what they say

"THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING!",

well I am pudding and please believe me when I tell you I am the
proof as I have BPD, ADHD, GAD and the list goes on yet through
the shear and utter I Will Power, I have changed my life and it
just keeps getting better as the time rolls along, yes If I can
do it so can you! Before I decided to use I Will Power, I tried
to kill myself, drank every weekend until I could not see
straight, took 600 pills a month and the list goes on and on.

Now don't get me wrong it was hard work and at times I felt like
giving up plenty of times, but try and remember the way you used
to be before you started to use the I Will Power! You weren't
happy and you had dreams, you knew that you wanted to change,
you just were not sure how? Well, you now have a glimpse of the
past and you have seen what your future can hold, So What are
you going to do?

Use the I Will Power or go back to the life you used to have?
Believe me there is no way once you see the power of the new you
and get a glimpse of the life you can have, you will certainly
use your I Will Power! Try it you won't be sorry you did! As the
new you continues to get stronger and stronger as time goes on
and on, there will never be any looking back, because The I Will
Power, shall turn into your into your "I Can future & it is
truly unlimited in every way!

Please know that you can share this article with anyone and
everyone you think it may help and even some people you don't
even really like, they need it the most! Just leave this footer
attached and the Author is given full credit.

God Bless,
Arthur Buchanan

Help Others Feel Wanted and Important

jMost of us love to help others, but sometimes we're
afraid to step forward and offer. Yet, positive
recognition is something we all crave.

Linking up people who can help each other is one of
the ways to facilitate this recognition. So is
taking the time to find out what's unique about the
other person. Because the things we do seem so
common or easy to us, we are often blind to our own
special gifts, even when they're obvious to others
around us.

Taking a moment to discover and acknowledge that
uniqueness helps others to feel that their
contribution means something.

===================================
©1998-2003 Career Life Institute

PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS

Conventional wisdom says we should work on improving our weaknesses. This
is a terrible waste of time, talent and opportunity. Imagine what would
have happened if Chopin, Einstein, Chris Evert, or Pavarotti had followed
that advice. All these people devoted their life to developing their
natural strengths. As a result, they each were tops in their field.

Highly successful entrepreneurs, as well as top scientists, artists,
athletes and entertainers throughout history have achieved greatness by
focusing on their areas of strength.

We all have a special 'gift', yet you may not recognize your own aptitudes.
You might think that all of us can see and appreciate the subtleties of
color the same as you. You may not realize some of us are not as graceful
as you. You might believe that all people are able to effortlessly grow a
beautiful garden.

How do you discover your natural talents? First, write down a list of those
things you do that seem easy for you. Often the tasks that seem almost
effortless are those for which we have a special aptitude.
Next, make a list of those things you do where time just seems to fly by.
This is a good clue to activities in which you have natural talent.

Finally, write down all the activities that make you happy. These are the
tasks you would do just for yourself, with no promise of gain, just because
they're fun, interesting and fulfilling.

Look through the three lists to find the common activities. These are
likely to be the areas of your natural aptitudes and talents. Imagine
spending most of your time developing and playing at something that makes
you happy, where time flies and all is easy for you. Wow!

Don't get caught up in the old advice to work on your weaknesses. Hire
someone who is good where you are weak. Delegate tasks you don't enjoy to
others who do enjoy those things. Automate the repetitious tasks. Contract
out the chores you are not great at doing.

Working to develop your natural talents is self rewarding and motivating,
allowing you to continually realize higher and higher levels of ability,
achievement and success. You will be happier and the recipients of your
work, your customers, will reward you for your excellence. What a
combination; doing what you love and people paying you for it!
Focus on your strengths. Experience the immense satisfaction that comes
with being superb at something.

by Gary Lockwood

Perceptual Positions

By Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC

Different Perspectives

Often, it is useful to assess an event or outcome from several different
perspectives: From our own perspective, from the perspective of another
person and from the perspective of an independent observer. John Grinder
and Judith DeLozier refer to these perspectives as perceptual positions.
Perceptual positions provide a balanced approach to thinking about an event
or outcome. In situations where there is little or no understanding or
progress, they can provide a way of developing new understandings and
creating new choices.

The three perceptual positions are:
* First Position: seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through
your own eyes, ears and feelings. You think in terms of what is important
to you, what you want to achieve.
* Second Position: stepping into the shoes of the other person and
experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation as if you were
them. You think in terms of how this situation would appear or be
interpreted by the other person. You've heard the expression: "Before
criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes."
* Third Position: standing back from a situation and experiencing it as
if you were a detached observer. In your mind, you are able to see and hear
yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. You think in
terms of what opinion, observations or advice would someone offer who is
not involved. You need to be in a strong resourceful state and take an
objective view of your own behaviour and look for opportunities to respond
differently in order to achieve a different and more positive outcome.

Sometimes we get stuck in one of these positions:
* Someone who lives his/her life in first position would tend to focus
on his/her needs rather than the needs of others -- a "self-centered"
attitude. We could say that addicts tend to see the world from first position.
* Someone, who lives their life primarily in second position, is always
thinking about the other person at the expense of their own needs.
Co-dependents or enablers in a dysfunctional or addiction situation would
fit this description. A saying about co-dependents is: "When a co-dependent
dies, someone else's life flashes before their eyes, rather than their own".
* Someone, who lives in third position, would be seen as rather aloof
and a disinterested observer of life - always on the outside looking in.

All three positions are of equal importance and it is useful to consciously
or unconsciously cycle through these positions as we go about our daily
activities.

An Exercise

To illustrate the usefulness of perceptual positions, consider the
following exercise, which you can do alone or have someone guide you
through the steps. Think of a conversation, discussion or disagreement that
you had recently with another person that did not go as well as you had
hoped and the situation remains unresolved. For ease of discussion, I will
assume the other person is a male.
* Are you prepared to explore this situation to find other ways to
handled it, should a similar situation occur in the future? This is an
important question. If you are committed to holding the other person as
wrong and not prepared to learn from your experiences, no matter what, then
it is not worth your time proceeding for this particular situation. Pick
another situation.
* Assuming you answered, "yes" to the first question, get yourself into
a comfortable position, close your eyes and go back to that event looking
through your own eyes seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and
feeling what you felt during that interaction. You can do this quickly, as
the purpose here is mainly to remind you of the event and what you
experienced. Here you are experiencing the event from first position. When
you are finished, open your eyes, look around the room, stand, stretch your
body - this is called a break state and the intention is to clear your mind
of the internal representations of the event.
* Again make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and this time put
yourself into the other person's body, take on his physiology looking
through his eyes, seeing what he saw, hearing what he heard, and to the
best of your ability experiencing how he felt being to be in a conversation
with the person that looks and acts like you! From this other perspective,
notice the facial expressions, body language, hand gestures, tone of voice
and words that are used by this person that looks, behaves and sounds like
you. Does this give you some understanding of why he reacted the way he
did? If you were to give the person that looks like you some advice, from
this perspective, on how to handle the situation differently, what would
that advice be? When you are ready, open your eyes, look around the room,
stand up and stretch. Did you learn something about yourself and how you
could handle it differently next time with potentially a different result?
Often people do and sometimes, they learn even more in the next step.
* Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and this time look at the
event as if you were a fly on the wall. Some distance in front of you, you
can see a person that looks, behaves and sounds like you and the other
person(s). From this other perspective, notice the facial expressions, body
language, hand gestures, tone of voice and words that that this person who
looks, behaves and sounds like you is using. Can you give this person some
advice on how the situation could be handled differently and just maybe
achieve a different, more positive result? When you are ready, open your
eyes, look around the room, stand up and stretch. How about this time, did
you learn something about yourself?
* Repeat steps 2 -5. This time use the new behaviours and resources
that you identified in steps 3 and 4. Did you notice anything different
this time? Perhaps, an opportunity to achieve a different more positive
result?

I often use this exercise in public presentations. I remember at one event,
as I finished the exercise, a young lady got out of her chair and quickly
left the room. She returned to the room about 20 minutes later and at the
next break came up to me and apologized for leaving the room the way she
had. She went on to explain that about two weeks earlier, she had had a
major fight with her roommate and long-time close friend that resulted in
her moving out and the two of them had not spoken to each other since. As a
result of doing the exercise, she realized how she could have handled the
situation differently and left the room to have a conversation with her
friend. As a result of this new conversation, she was moving back in with
her friend and roommate that very evening.

Two Personality Powers for Motivating Others

By: Brian Tracy

There are two powers of personality you can develop that will increase your
charisma and your ability to influence others.

Decide Exactly What You Want
The first of these powers is the power of purpose. Men and women with
charisma and personal magnetism almost invariably have a clear vision of
who they are, of where they're going and of what they're trying to achieve.
Leaders in sales and management have a vision of what they're trying to
create and why they're doing what they're doing. They're focused on
accomplishing some great purpose. They're decisive about every aspect of
their lives. They know exactly what they want and what they have to do to
get it. They plan their work and work their plan.

Set Clear Goals For Yourself
You can increase your charisma and the magnetism of your personality by
setting clear goals for yourself, making plans to achieve them, and working
on your plans with discipline and determination every day. The whole world
seems to move aside for the person who knows exactly where he is going. In
fact, the clearer you are about your purposes and goals, the more likely
people will be to attribute other positive qualities to you. They will see
you, or perceive you, as being a better and more admirable human being. And
when you have clear goals, you begin attracting to yourself the people and
opportunities necessary to make those goals a reality.

Believe in Yourself
The second personality power is self-confidence. Men and women with
charisma have an intense belief in themselves and in what they are doing.
They are usually calm, cool and composed about themselves and their work.
Your level of self-confidence is often demonstrated in your courage, your
willingness to do whatever is necessary to achieve a purpose that you
believe in.

The Secret of Attraction
People are naturally attracted to those who exude a sense of
self-confidence, those who have an unshakable belief in their ability to
rise above circumstances to attain their goals.

Assume the Result in Advance
One of the ways you demonstrate self-confidence is by assuming that people
naturally like you and accept you and want to do business with you. For
example, one of the most powerful ways to close a sale is simply to assume
that the prospect has decided to purchase the product or service, and then
go on to wrap up the details. One of the best ways to achieve success in
your relationships is to assume that people naturally enjoy your company
and want to be around you, and then proceed on that basis. The very act of
behaving in a self-confident manner will generate personal charisma in the
eyes of others.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, think on paper. Write out your goals and plans in detail and then
review them regularly. Discuss them with others. Upgrade your goals and
plans and revise them when you get new information. Be clear about them.

Second, express your level of self-confidence to others all the time, even
if you have doubts inside. Always walk, talk, act and move like a winner,
like a person who is absolutely confident of success and ultimate victory.

Accepting Yourself Unconditionally

How Are You Treated By Others?
Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and
siblings and other important people.

Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you
feel you are accepted by the important people in your life.

Your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that
you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people
think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes
straight up.

The best way to build a healthy personality involves understanding yourself
and your feelings.

Let the Light Shine In
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to
truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may
have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at
least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest.
You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to
someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

Understand What Makes You Tick
The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure,
and it's called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you're
truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those
thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without
commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of
the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop
perspective, or what the Buddhists call "detachment."

Be Honest With Yourself
Now we come to the good part. After you've gone through self-disclosure to
self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the
person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and
weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you
develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to
candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you're all you've
got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.

Do An Inventory of Your Accomplishments
A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance
involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job
is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.

Think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the
things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your
profession and in your personal life right now.

Think About Your Future
Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is
virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want
to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small
goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their
realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the
obstacles that you create in your mind.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, sit down with your spouse, or a good friend, and tell him or her
about something that is troubling you and is still causing you unhappiness.

Second, develop perspective on your problem by standing back from it and
imagining that it was happening to someone else. What advice would you give
to that person?

Third, think continually about the good experiences and accomplishments you
have enjoyed in the past. Remind yourself regularly that you are a pretty
good person and you've done a lot of good things in your life.

Author: Brian Tracy

4 Essentials for Happiness

You may have a thousand different goals over the course of your lifetime,
but they all will fall into one of four basic categories. Everything you do
is an attempt to enhance the quality of your life in one or more of these
areas.

The Key to Happiness
The first category is your desire for happy relationships. You want to love
and be loved by others. You want to have a happy, harmonious home life. You
want to get along well with the people around you, and you want to earn the
respect of the people you respect. Your involvement in social and community
affairs results from your desire to have happy interactions with others and
to make a contribution to the society you live in.

Enjoy Your Work
The second category is your desire for interesting and challenging work.
You want to make a good living, of course, but more than that, you want to
really enjoy your occupation or profession. The very best times of your
life are when you are completely absorbed in your work.

Become Financially Independent
The third category is your desire for financial independence. You want to
be free from worries about money. You want to have enough money in the bank
so that you can make decisions without counting your pennies. You want to
achieve a certain financial state so that you can retire in comfort and
never have to be concerned about whether or not you have enough money to
support your lifestyle. Financial independence frees you from poverty and a
need to depend upon others for your livelihood. If you save and invest
regularly throughout your working life, you will eventually reach the point
where you will never have to work again.

Enjoy Excellent Health
The fourth and final category is your desire for good health, to be free of
pain and illness and to have a continuous flow of energy and feelings of
well-being. In fact, your health is so central to your life that you take
it for granted until something happens to disrupt it.

Peace of Mind is the Key
Peace of mind is essential for every one of these. The greater your peace
of mind, the more relaxed and positive you are, the less stress you suffer,
the better is your overall health.

The more peace of mind you have, the better are your relationships, the
more optimistic, friendly and confident you are with everyone in your life.
When you feel good about yourself on the inside, you do your work better
and take more pride in it. You are a better boss and coworker. And the
greater your overall peace of mind, the more likely you are to earn a good
living, save regularly for the future and ultimately achieve financial
independence.

Control Your Attention
Life is very much a study of attention. Whatever you dwell upon and think
about grows and expands in your life. The more you pay attention to your
relationships, the quality and quantity of your work, your finances and
your health, the better they will become and the happier you will be.

Action Exercises
Here are three things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, take time on a regular basis to think about what would make you
really happy in each of the four areas.

Second, set specific, measurable goals for improvement in your
relationships, your health, your work and your finances and write them down.

Third, resolve to do something every day to increase the quality of some
area of your life - and then keep your resolution.

Author: Brian Tracy

The End of Procrastination!

People often ask me how to over-come procrastination to
achieve their goals and create the life they truly want.
This week, I discovered two of the essential steps to
dealing with procrastination and making your dreams come
true.

The situation is familiar: We have a vision or goal, and
we know it is within our reach. It may not be simple or
easy, but we KNOW it's possible - if only we would get
started. But we don't. We procrastinate. We plan and
dream and talk, but we fail to take action. Time passes,
things don't change and we berate ourselves in frustration!

That is no way to live your life! Let's look at some
solutions.

Step One: Power comes from Purpose!

This week I talked with three people who have big dreams
and wonderful ideas, but they've taken no action. As we
talked, I realized they have no powerful, passionate
REASONS to succeed. No rational person works long and
hard without a good reason!

They each thought they had reasons. Their dreams are
creative and would make them rich if they succeeded. Their
families support them, and they thought their 'reasons to
succeed' were obvious, but their reasons were really just
cliches, and cliches have no real power in them!

Power comes from purpose! The power to get up early, stay
late, and work hard to achieve a distant goal comes from
your heart. It comes from knowing your purpose, your
REASONS for doing it!

When a teenager wants to make the basketball team, or a
mother wants a doctor for her sick child, or we NEED a
college education, human beings will find a way. But
'nice' goals are not enough.

The power to over-come procrastination, take action, find
solutions and keep going comes from one source: Living
your life on PURPOSE! When you know WHY, you'll find
the HOW!

Step Two: Become a Player!

This is simple: are you an amateur, or a pro? Are you
serious, or are you dabbling? Are you committed, or merely
interested? The answers make all the difference.

Again, I've recently talked with several people who claim
to have a sense of purpose behind their goals, but I don't
think they truly mean it. They 'dabble' and leave no
tracks in the sand.

They tell a great story, and they seem committed, but their
actions are not consistent. At some level, they know that
dabbling rarely brings substantive results, and so they
postpone and procrastinate. Action that has no weight or
substance is hardly worth taking, so over the long-haul,
they make little or no effort to achieve their goals.

Don't be a lightweight! The ancient general, Hannibal, is
famous for taking his troops through impossible mountains
and is remembered for saying, 'We will find a way, or make
one.' He found a way!

To over-come procrastination, be a player! Put some weight
and time and money and skill behind your dreams and make
them happen! Life is not a rehearsal and there are no 'do-
overs'! If you have dreams that call you, be certain you
have enough REASONS to justify the investment, and then go
all out! Put your whole life into it! Procrastination cannot
survive in the face of a committed, determined human will!

Author: Dr Philip E. Humbert

Why Are You Doing This?

Every successful business leader has a clear answer to this
vital question: Why are you building this company? Who
does it serve and what's your greater purpose? Answering
these questions costs you very little, and it can pay huge
dividends.

For some entrepreneurs, the primary purpose is simply to
create a business that can be sold. They have a talent for
seeing a need and designing systems to meet the need while
making a profit, and they love starting new businesses.
Once the company is established, they often sell it and may
repeat the process again and again through the years.

Most business owners, however, have some other purpose in
mind, and it is often deeply personal. Some want to build
a company they can pass on to their children. Others want
to see how large and profitable they can make it, and they
dream of a vast enterprise with thousands of employees.
Still others, want a business that expresses their values
or contributes to society in some way.

In coaching hundreds of entrepreneurs, I am struck that it
does not seem to matter what the reason actually is. What
matters is the ability to keep it in sight at all times.
Knowing your personal vision, your purpose or mission, the
'reason why we do this', is absolutely critical.

The solution is simple: Keep your eyes on the prize! Step
back, gain perspective, renew your commitment. Remember
WHY you are doing this! If you are clear enough about the
'why', you'll figure out the 'how'.

Author: Dr Philip E. Humbert

Do Less, Live More

One of my favorite stories is that when Henry Thoreau told
his friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, that the key to living
well was to 'simplify, simplify, simplify', Emerson
supposedly replied that, 'one simplify might have sufficed.'
I love the reminder that in many situations, less is more.

The mantra of our age seems to be, 'better, faster, cheaper
and more, more, more!', and the problem is that it's not
always helpful.

This week I told Mary that while the past few weeks have
been unusually busy, and very productive, I'm not having as
much fun as I would like. We are making more, but enjoying
it less, and that's not a good thing!

As we talked it through, it was clear that two different
processes were involved and we had to sort them out.

The first was being clear about our values.

We both love doing stuff, learning things, building things,
starting things. We love things that challenge us or
promise to enrich our lives, so we are suckers for every
great new idea that comes along - and there are lots of
great ideas!

But our values are not around glamour or excitement or
even, primarily around money or success. Our values tend
to be more about relationships, quality time, travel and
education, peace of mind and personal integrity, and the
problem is that our culture rarely encourages or talks
about those things.

The media tends to applaud public displays of wealth or
power or popularity, and our culture celebrates things that
result in 'progress' or tangible profit. And those are
good things! Don't get me wrong - I love both progress
and making a profit!

But, as Emerson observed, 'sometimes money costs too much.'
We noticed that in our rush to jump on several recent
opportunities, we were getting caught up in what Michael
Angier calls 'the thick of thin things' and it wasn't
working for us. A return to personal values is called for.

Secondly, we had failed to plan, and as the saying goes,
'those who fail to plan, are planning to fail.'

In our case, the failures were not obvious. In terms of
profits, we are doing very well, and that is exciting!
It's wonderful to see things come together and to receive
the applause of friends and business associates. It's fun,
it's good - and it's seductive.

We were off balance and off track. We were canceling
private time and postponing important priorities. We were
missing the joy of time together and the daily activities
we value. We had failed to plan, and so the distractions
of life were running away with our schedules, and again,
that is not a recipe for success!

So, we've cut back on activities and are talking about our
values every day. We talk about what we love, what we
cherish, what we stand for. It's not that we had forgotten
these things, but we have realized (again) that it is our
personal responsibility to align ourselves with our values,
and to do it on purpose, every day.

And, we have re-committed to investing time and money and
energy in the things that mean the MOST to us. We have re-
committed to planning our lives, to living from values, and
to making the most of our talents, our relationships, and the
opportunities to live well, rather than to being merely busy.

by Dr Philip Humbert

We Become What We Think About Most

There is great wisdom in the idea that 'we become what we
think about most of the time'. The human brain is a goal-
seeking, problem-solving machine, and the things we think
about, focus on, and worry about inevitably shape our
destiny. We all know this, and yet most of us completely
fail to see (or seize) the opportunity.

Most of us know the computer engineering phrase, 'GIGO',
which usually stands for 'Garbage In, Garbage Out'. If you
give a computer false data or confusing instructions, it
dutifully processes the 'garbage' you put in and gives you
'garbage' back out.

In human terms, however, the phrase can also stand for
'Good In, Good Out'. I like that interpretation much
better!

This week I've been contemplating the things most of us
'put in' to our lives.

As I get older, I may be getting cranky, but there does
seem to be an amazing amount of garbage in our society.
This is the 'awards season' in the entertainment industry
and I see various people, movies, songs and shows being
nominated, and I'm amazed at the garbage that is being
considered 'the best'. Do real people actually watch this
stuff? Do we listen to it, or sit on our couches and bring
it into our homes?

More importantly, do we permit it to enter our brains?

This week, I also had several emails and conversations with
people who really inspire me. One woman, age 67, wrote
that she was considering canceling her subscription to TIPS
because she was no longer going to have any goals except to
'do what I want, have fun and leave this world a little bit
better.' I wrote back that I thought that was 'one of the
noblest goals I've heard in a long time.' I hope she's
still a subscriber!

I talked with a man who is leaving a lucrative law practice
to teach high school math. He'll earn less, but as he
said, '(our) kids are grown, our expenses are down, and I
think I can contribute more that way, than in the boardrooms
where I've spent most of my life.' He's pursuing a grand
dream, and my guess is he'll have the best (and perhaps some
of the worst) days of his life! And he'll know he's alive!
Whoopee!

Several years ago, Michael Clark, gave me a wonderful
phrase. He said, 'When you do what you love, you'll never
work another day the rest of your life.' I love that, and
have (usually) found it to be true.

Sure, some things frustrate me, and sometimes I frustrate
myself, and life throws a curve once in a while, but doing
what we love, what we're good at, and what fulfills us,
changes everything!

In my opinion, if you truly desire to live well, to achieve
much and (perhaps) to make some real money, consider these
two propositions:

1. Refuse to fill your time, your life or your brain with
garbage. Read the best stuff. Talk with the healthiest,
wisest, smartest, most ambitious people you can. Attend
the seminars, learn from the experts! Listen to amazing
music. Sit quietly and listen to the whisperings of your
heart. Laugh a lot. Worship often, and be grateful.

2. Do what you love. You will make your biggest
contribution when you passionately pursue your talents and
use your strengths. Martin Luther King, Jr. did many great
things, but perhaps his greatest moment came in Washington,
DC when he proclaimed, 'I have a dream!' We all remember
that, and millions have been inspired by it. What's your
dream?

Some of us can change jobs or move around the world
whenever we wish. For others, there are responsibilities
and obligations and things take more time, but in the end,
life is to be lived and it requires our very best. Life,
and true success, will never settle for anything less.

By Dr Philip E. Humbert

Away from Failure Toward Success

Away from Failure ----->----->----->----->-----> Toward Success

How do you motivate yourself? Are you moving away from failure, and
thinking how much you don't want poverty, boredom, or embarrassment? Or are
you motivated by, and moving toward success and thinking of healthy
relationships, accomplishment, financial security?

Keep in mind moving away from and moving toward are both useful motivation
strategies. For example, moving away from a dangerous situation is a very
healthy thing to do. However, if this is the ONLY way you motivate
yourself, then you are likely to be suffering from an abundance of anxiety
and stress.

Given your understanding now of how the Unconscious works, you will realise
the value of having a strong towards motivator. Studies of highly effective
people show that, in fact, they utilise BOTH moving away from and moving
towards simultaneously. Not only does this double the motivation power, it
is also setting a very clear direction.

Thirty years ago Martin Luther King wanted to strongly move away from
oppression and toward his dream of a society where all people are treated
equal. By setting a very clear direction he motivated millions to change
the course of American history.

In our experience most people have had plenty of practice moving away from
what they don't want with little or no direction to their life. This
article has given you an opportunity to use NLP to change your thinking so
that you can have want you want... or want more of. It worked for Anthony
Robbins...and it can work for you!
CIRCLES OF EXCELLENCE
Here's how you can have a really resourceful state of mind and body at any
time you really need it: For that job interview, for that big presentation,
for that infuriating customer, for that important date tonight!

Choose the state, feelings and behaviour you want to have BEFORE you go
into any situation by following this simple procedure.

You can do this exercise on your own; however, it can be useful to have a
friend talk you through the steps the first time.

Stand, with about 6 feet of floor space in front of you.

1a. Imagine a circle on the floor immediately in front of you. Give the
circle a colour. Make it bright, shining or whatever makes it visually
attractive.

1b. Pick a word or short phrase that symbolises an appropriately powerful
state for you. It might be "Go For It", or "Relaxed" or "Yes!", or
"Success" etc.

2. Now, recall a time when you felt "on top of the world," or "firing on
all cylinders," or some other empowered state. Go for a really good
memory--perhaps one of those times when you exceeded even your own
expectations!

3. Imagine yourself back at that time. See what you were seeing then, hear
what you were hearing, feel what you were feeling. If there were any smells
or tastes, imagine those as well. Notice what you were doing and what you
were thinking at the time.

4. As your sense of being in this excellent state begins to build - Take a
deep breath, say your code word and step into the circle in front of you.

5. Stand in the circle and INTENSIFY the memory, re-living those moments
and enjoying those feelings that come naturally from doing something really
well.

6. Now, imagine another circle with the same characteristics as the first
and repeat Steps 2 to 5 with a different empowering memory. TAKE ALL OF THE
FEELINGS FROM THE FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH YOU as you step into the second
circle.

7. Repeat with a third circle and another resourceful memory.

8. Now think of a future situation where you want to be at your best and
imagine yourself performing in the state you are experiencing now. Doesn't
it go well?

Modified from Charlotte Bretto "A Framework For Excellence" (1988)

What's Beyond Your USP?

I was talking with Mark Joyner, about a new direction for my career.
Now that I've gone through the phases of being a
hypnotic writer, an outrageous marketer, a hypnotic
marketer and a spiritual marketer, what's next for me?

"What's your USP?" Mark asked me.

A USP is a "unique selling proposition." It's one line
that states what you do that is different than what
your competition does. Rosser Reeves invented the term
in the 1950s. Dan Kenney, Jay Abraham and myself have
used it to help our clients get clear about what their
business offers. Mark was helping me to do the same
thing with my own business.

"I've gone through so many USPs that today I don't
even use one," I explained. "I was thinking of just
dropping it altogether."

Mark didn't miss a beat.

"What is Wayne Dyer's USP?" he asked me.

"I have no idea," I replied. "He's a self-help author
of many best-selling books."

"That's right," Mark said. "And what is Deepak
Chopra's USP?"

Again, I couldn't think of one. Deepak is a health
oriented author of many best-selling books. But
as for his USP, I had no idea. There are other
self-help authors and other health authors, so
what is unique about Dyer or Chopra is their
being, or essence, or brand.

Mark's questions were beginning to help me see that at
a certain point you can go beyond a need for a USP.
After all, when I thought about this, I couldn't decide
what the USP was for Dan Kennedy, Jay Abraham,
or even myself, and we're all spokespeople for the
need for USPs!

"What we're really talking about here is building your
own brand," Mark explained to me. "People are on your
email list because they want to know about you and what
you are doing. They are following Dr. Joe Vitale.
Focusing on your brand is probably wiser than
focusing on your USP at this time."

Mark is right, of course.

At a certain point in your business life you have to
leave the USP and focus on the brand. After all, even
Federal Express dropped their USP ("When you absolutely
need it overnight"), and Dominio's also dropped their
USP ("Fresh hot pizza delivered in 30 minutes or its
free"). Now they live on their brand images.

So, where are you?

Do you have a USP? Is it truly unique?
And have you had it long enough to drop it
and now create a brand for yourself?

The way to answer these questions is like this:

1. If you already have a USP, good for you.
Be sure it is truly unique. If no one else can
make the claim you do, than it is unique.

2. If you have been using your USP with
great success for more than ten years, you
may be already building a brand image.

3. If your USP has been in circulation over
ten years, your business is ripping and roaring
and making you a millionaire, then you can
consider going beyond your USP. It may
be time to now focus on your brand.

Now take an honest look at your business.
Where do you stand?

The next step is yours.
Go for it!

By Dr. Joe Vitale

Three Skills to Improve Conversation

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying.
A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a
conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

The Benefits of Pausing
First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is
just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the
other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words
by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The
third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person
better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you
will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing,
you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.

Ask Questions
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for
clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying
or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?"

This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a
conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do
you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering
more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions
and keep the conversation rolling along.

Paraphrase the Speaker's Words
The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the
speaker's words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can
then say, "Let me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . ."

Demonstrate Attentiveness
By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms
that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to
understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is,
when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you
fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and
happy in your presence.

Listening Builds Trust
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and
skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you
listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.

Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another
person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.

Listening Develops Discipline
Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your
mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at
about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention
focused on another person's words. If you do not practice self-discipline
in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions.
The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is
saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by
learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your
own personality.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or
discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.

Second, continually ask, "How do you mean?" in response to anything that is
not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.

By: Brian Tracy

TIPS FOR COMMUNCIATION SKILLS

SHINING SMILE: Always remember to smile brightly. A smile immediately makes
you more attractive. Furthermore, it makes you look more approachable and
like a nicer person. I know it's common sense BUT most of us spend our days
wading through life with scowls on our faces without even realising it. SMILE.

REMEMBER NAMES: Again simple stuff but why do we forget them? If is that
you 'just aren't any good' at remembering names? NOP… Most of the time it's
cause we never hear it, we are too busy inside our heads talking to
ourselves about something stupid. When you meet someone. Stop, listen to
their names, repeat it back as you look at them twice inside your head
firmly and once or twice out loud in conversation. It'll help you a lot.

RIGHT STATE: Remember when two people meet and one is awkward and one is
comfortable, the person in the strongest state will influence the other. So
when you are meeting anyone, get into a really comfortable state of mind
first and they will soon feel comfortable themselves.

MATCH UP: Something useful to remember is people like people who are like
themselves. So, to create better relationships with people: breath at the
same rate as them; talk at the same rate; match their posture. This
unconsciously sends them a signal of similarity and improves the rapport
between you.

FOCUS ON THEM: Take the opportunity to make them feel good about
themselves. Listen out for anything they seem proud of and drop an indirect
compliment their way. Act as if it's not meant as a compliment but you
truly believe it. People like people who make them feel good when they're
around.

KEY WORDS: Listen out for key words and key phrases they like to use and
use them back to them. Be careful though. Do not overdo it. Just
occasionally to keep them thinking you are thinking like them.

Source: Simply NLP

"I can never forgive him for that."

When Abigail was asked about her father, she wryly said, "I use
to miss him, but now my aim is better." Welcoming the opportunity
to vent, she explained how her father cruelly taunted her as a
child. She was constantly belittled and ridiculed and made to
feel worthless. "I can never forgive him for that." she went on
to add.

But which is more tragic, the alleged maltreatment Abigail
experienced as a child or her inability to forgive her dad? She
has been holding on to resentment for more than half a century!
By refusing to forgive her father, she is insisting on punishing
herself. Her anger toward her father is understandable, for
hatred is a vulnerable child's revenge for being intimated.

But Abigail is no longer a child. She can start thinking like an
adult by releasing her tight grip on painful childhood memories.
Yes, her father may have betrayed her, but today she betrays
herself by sucking the life out of herself and ruining her own
chance for happiness. How can anger and resentment help us?
Aren't they toxic? For those who refuse to forgive, Confucius
(BCE 551 ~ 479) issued this grave warning, "Before you embark on
a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

But how do we forgive others for the pain they have caused us? No
one taught us how in school. Besides, although there are many
logical arguments for forgiveness, logic has little power to
defeat emotional beliefs. It would help if we could recognize
that although we cannot change the past, we can change our
attitude toward it. But this too is a logical argument, so there
is little likelihood of it healing an extremely painful past.
Applying a sprinkling of logic to an emotionally painful past is
like applying a small band aid to third-degree burns.

Does that mean there is no hope for recovery? Not at all. In the
last 30 years, new and powerful tools have emerged that have made
personal transformation easier than ever.

If you have computer experience, you may have tried to save a new
file with the same name as an older file. When trying to do so,
you will usually be warned that if you continue, the new file
will overwrite the old one. That is, the new file will replace
the old one, and the old one will be erased from the computer's
memory.

Isn't our brain a computer? Aren't our memories files? Why not
overwrite painful memories (files)? To practice the "Overwriting
Your Past" application, we first have to place ourselves in the
alpha state (a state of relaxation). The instructions on how to
do so appeared in the previous issue, but for the benefit of
those who missed it, I am repeating them here (steps 1 ~ 3).

1. Find a place where you will not be disturbed. Shake out body
tension. Be seated and get as comfortable as possible. Close your
eyes and take three deep breaths.

2. Slowly inhale and imagine the number three flashing three
times as you slowly breathe out. Repeat this for number two (see
it flashing three times as you slowly exhale). Next, repeat this
for number one.

3. Imagine sitting before a black curtain with a bowl of white
numbers (1 ~ 10) at your side. Reach into the bowl, take out
number one, stick it onto the curtain, and then remove it. Repeat
this with number two, continuing until you have done all ten
numbers.

Steps 1 ~ 3 remove your thoughts from the cares of the day, help
you enter a relaxed state (alpha), and prepare your mind to focus
on the "Overwriting Your Past" exercise. At this point you will
be prepared for the next step.

4. In your mind's eye or imagination, relive the painful memory.
Turn it into a movie. Watch it from beginning to end.

5. Now that it is a movie, play it in reverse. Try it in slow
motion and fast rewind.

6. Now play it in fast-forward. Notice how it takes on the almost
comical appearance of an old silent film.

7. Add music to your movie and change the scene to a carnival or
Mardi Gras atmosphere. Watch it in fast-forward and reverse.

8. Add props. Do you remember those funny plastic eyeglasses with
huge eyebrows and a huge nose? Place one on the antagonist in
your movie (in Abigail's case, she would see her father wearing
these ridiculous eyeglasses as he belittles her). Dress the
antagonist in an outrageous costume (perhaps as a clown). Watch
this new version of your movie in forward and reverse.
Tinker with the speed if you wish.

9. Add character voices to your movie. Change the lips of your
antagonist to the bill of a duck and give him or her a Donald or
Daffy Duck voice. Watch your new movie in forward and reverse.
Give the villain of your movie any other absurd voice you can
think of. Watch and enjoy!

As you practice the "Overwriting Your Past" application, you will
find that your original painful experience will slowly be
transformed into something funny. If not funny, something so
ridiculous that it is powerless to harm you.

Practice this application for 30 minutes a day for as long as
needed, which should be no longer than two or three weeks. Thirty
minutes a day for 21 days works out to just ten and a half hours.
That's less than half a day's work to end a problem that plagued
Abigail for more than 50 years! How powerful is this application?
If all you do is read about it, it is powerless to help. But if
you follow the steps and apply it to your life, like other NLP
tools, it is life transformational.

Do you, like Abigail, have a disturbing memory that haunts you
and holds you back from enjoying the limitless freedom and
happiness you deserve? If so, why not rewrite your life? Why not
overwrite your past? Why not set yourself free? After all, all
you have to lose is the chain that is holding you back.

Despite the usefulness and power of the "Overwrite Your Past"
application, it is not always the best approach for everyone.
After all, even in conventional and integrative medicine,
patients respond differently to the same form of treatment. So,
the more weapons in your arsenal or arrows in your quiver, the
greater your likelihood of success. With that aim in mind, here
are more techniques to cleanse you from the toxicity of holding a
grudge. I'll divide the techniques into three groups:
Compassionate, Psychological, and Spiritual.

1. Compassionate
a) The Deathbed Visualization. Buddha asked, if you realize
everyone will die, how can you treat them cruelly? With that
thought in mind, Buddhist monks practice a 'Deathbed
Visualization.' That is, if they are the object of cruelty, they
imagine the perpetrator on his or her deathbed. Such an image
evokes compassion rather than anger. Don't those who are drowning
flail about wildly? They don't wish to drown their rescuers;
their wild behavior is caused by their desperate attempts to
survive. So it is with those who are cruel to us. They are on
their deathbed. Confused, they are drowning in the sea of life,
wildly flailing about, wildly striking out, desperately trying to
survive in the only way they know how. With this realization, how
can we be angry with them? How can we refuse to forgive them?

b) The Loving Kindness Meditation. One of the best ways to
cultivate forgiveness is through the Buddhist Loving Kindness
Meditation. Fortunately, there is much information dealing with
this subject on the Internet. For simple instructions on how to
perform this meditation, visit:
http://dharma.ncf.ca/introduction/instructions/metta.html. To
listen to an example, play the audio file of a Loving Kindness
Mediation that is at:
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/32/story_3248_1.html#.

2. Psychological
a) Understanding the Cause of Pain. A kicked dog bites not
because it is vicious, but because it is defending itself.
Similarly, most of the people who act cruelly do so not because
they are mean-spirited, but because, like the dog, they have been
injured in the past and remain in emotional pain.

Whenever we have to bear the brunt of a cruel remark, it helps to
ask ourselves, "What could have happened to make that person act
that way?" By reminding ourselves that cruelty flows from pain,
it becomes far easier to forgive.

b) People Just Do Their Best under the Circumstances. We are not
perfect. Sometimes we act stupidly and hurt others. Not because
we're bad, but because we do the best we can at any particular
time. If we cannot control our own behavior, how can we become
offended by someone who is guilty of the same offense? Here's a
good habit to get into: whenever someone offends you, in your
mind state the offense and add the phase "just like me." For
example, if someone is upsetting you because they are hogging the
conversation and not giving you a chance to speak, rather than
getting upset, say to yourself, "They are hogging the
conversation and not giving others a chance to speak... just like
me." You see, the plain truth is what we don't like about others
is what we don't like about ourselves. But because we don't like
to admit our faults (even if it is only to ourself), we project
them on others. Take advantage of this fact by using the world as
a mirror for self- improvement. In other words, when you don't
like the behavior of others, repeat the "...just like me."
sentence in your mind, and in your heart thank them for pointing
out an area that you can improve on.

c) Understand the Cause of Your Pain Is Not the External World,
but Your Internal World. Most of us are somewhat fragmented. It
is almost like having multiple personalities. There is the person
we REALLY are, the person we THINK we are, and the person we
PRETEND to be.

Also, for a detailed look at our fragmented, many selves and how
to heal or integrate them, see: THE MISSING PIECE, Solving the
Puzzle of Self, by Claudia Black, Ph.D. and Leslie Drozd, Ph.D.,
Ballantine Books, 1995. By learning how to forgive ourselves, we
will become well equipped to forgive others.

d) Hypnosis. Another tool employed by NLP Practitioners is
hypnosis. If you're looking for a good, FREE, software package
that will hypnotize you, give you hypnotic suggestions (that you
can edit or create), and wake you up, look no further than
Virtual Hypnotist. You can learn all about it and download it at:
http://vhypno.sourceforge.net/. You can use self-hypnosis to
improve yourself in all areas of life. But before embarking on an
auto-hypnosis odyssey, be sure to study the basics. One book that
will give you a solid and comprehensive view of hypnosis is
"SELF-HYPNOSIS for the Life You Want" by Charles E. Henderson,
Ph.D., Biocentrix, 2003.

3. Spiritual
a) Acceptance. The main teaching of Buddhism and Taoism is
acceptance. That is, we accept what cannot be changed. No
complaints, no whining, no struggle. On the contrary, we embrace
what is and "go with the flow." If we unconditionally accept
everyone we deal with, there will be no need for forgiveness.
What's more, when we accept life, rather than fight against it,
we will not experience frustration and bitterness.

b) Transcendence. The spiritual path is one of transcendence.
That is, we seek to become more than we are, greater than we are,
nobler than we are. What better way to uplift ourselves and
change desperation into inspiration than by forgiveness? For as
Edwin Hubbel Chapin (1814 ~ 1880) wrote, "Never does the human
soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and
dares to forgive an injury." Consider also the following words
found in Hindu scripture (the Mahabharata), "Forgiveness subdues
all in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve?
What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre
(saber) of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless
ground is extinguished of itself. An unforgiving individual
defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one
highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge
is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness."

By Chuck Gallozzi